A
male
age
36-40,
*rb
writes:Hi! I m a 25yr old, have average looks, good physique, sound financial position, and have a good behaviour(as people around me say).I never disgrace someone, never think anyone is inferior to me, never show off my attitude to anybody. Some of my friends or people around me have a lot of attitude or you could say arrogance and some of them don't. I don't know why people who have arrogance get love from every sphere. They get a partial benfit from there friends and family.!! I don't know why.?? I mean I respect everybody and their feelings and still I don't get that warmness from anybody..For eg. I have two friends. One has arrogance from past, he has everything, I mean good income, life, he had love marriage around 3 yrs back. But he didn't respect his work, his father, he is not 100% true to his wife, don't treat her well and to some extent doesn't respect us too... we respect him less but still he is with us, his wife loves and trust him in full, he gets full support from his father and everything.. I mean we used to think he was just lucky.But now something has changed my mind.My other friend was a humble person, used to respect us and his family, he was true to his words and very cooperative. But he was not so successful. he had no girlfriend ever( even I don't hv ever). we two are quite similar. But from last 6 months he had changed. He had become arrogant. Didn't respect us in the previous way, tells lies to us, show off his attitude, doesn't think about others feelings. I can say he's becoming more like my other friend than me. But from last 6 months his fate is also changing, he is getting success in his career, getting more friends then ever, and now he has a girl chasing him..!!!! Nothing more has changed, just his behaviour(for bad).I mean what the hell is this..?? Im an intellectual person, I know one who grow bad will reap bad. But here's there's something else. I mean how.?? Is this true that arrogant people are loved more.?? I mean around 6 months back we both are on same track and want same things in life( mainly I could say a girl coz we both are failures in that field). He changed his track( for bad as far as I could think) and gets everything..! and Im on my track getting nothing.! I have seen a lot more people who r arrogant bot still loved a lot but I used to think that they must have some other story also which I don't know. But these 2 friends, I know each and everything about them. Now my faith in good is shaken. I always try to make others feel good but still I got to know ill reactions by them from others. My friends use me for their purposes and I never use anybody for my self. I try to get love but all goes in vain.! Nobody has me as their first choice.! I never had aa single girlfriend in life( never).!! I have girls as friend but no one in that way..! What's the problem with me..??Is Im being too good for others..?? Is I should also become a bit arrogant..?? If yes than how should I change my behaviour..?? If no, then why..?? I mean, are gods of goodness sleeping..?? Please help as there's a question mark on my personality now.?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Philips  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 You think too much. Just do what your instint tells you to do. Sometimes you have to listen to yourself. Their is an animal wanting to come out of you, don't keep it imprisoned.
Moreover, body language is also very important maybe more important that talking. I remeber a friend of mine. He never talked much, neither was he physically stronger than others, however he could make very intimidating eye contact and his body language suggested power.
A
male
reader, srb +, writes (26 July 2011):
srb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for ur suggestions. Now I understand its the self confidence which I m searching maybe. But I really don't like or want to tell my success stories.(I do hv a very good & prestigious business which I hv made on my own, also I hv a lot more qualities which I know r good). But I don't feel like saying these things. I do know people do false claim about themselves but I simply hate selling myself, I mean when I m talkin about relationship I don't want to bring money in that discussion.
But yes, it may be the case that I hv low self confidence.I do think myself a bit helpless & inferior but within I know I m not inferior, I just don't want to express it. Would u tell me how to improve it.!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I don't know you and I don't know how you act, so my answer can be quite off the mark, but personally I think it's a matter of striking the right balance.
The ideal is a quiet self confidence, no more and no less.
I find arrogance totally unappealing and I can't even say that in my experience people gets impressed by it. Maybe insecure teenagers do , but not intelligent, mature people.
Then again , insecurity and poor self esteem are a turn off too. I don't know what you mean by " humble " but if it means you are not aware and proud of your qualities and accomplishments,... or you can't stand up for yourself and defend your point of view... or can't take a compliment graciously... or you don't approach women for fear of rejection... or you get intimitated by cocky waiters /salespersons...well, that's a problem. If you behave in any way that says " pardon me for being on this planet , I am not worth it "-people will believe you and react consequently.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Unfortunately it gets blurred sometimes and you cant tell the difference. Women, for instance, like a confident man. Someone who goes after what he wants. Sometimes women see a guy basically being a jerk and they mistake that for confidence. Thats not what you want to do. Continue being a nice guy at home and at work. But from now on if there is a new position at work that you would like or something then you go for it, don't just wait for it to come to you. Same with women. If you like someone then you go for it. If she wants to be friends only then you say "Hey, I got enough friends" and move on. Never seem desperate. You kinda have to act like it doesn't matter that much to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): hi Yes I know exactly what you mean. My theories:
1. You may be confusing arrogance with self-confident behavior. Or other people are confusing this when they see it in your friends. similarly you may be confusing being a nice person with being a doormat.
Being a doormat is not appealing. Being self confident is. But arrogance is just one step beyond self confidence.
People can be easily fooled into thinking someone is smart/capable/brave etc. if that person keeps boasting about themselves being so.
Arrogant people are salesmen - they are good at selling an image of themselves. People will buy this, initially at least. When they grow tired of it and abandon the arrogant person, there's always a new audience to be sold.
2. People who are truly arrogant treat other people badly. This behavior can only go so far or for so long before people get offended or disappointed and then will abandon the arrogant person. Or if they are forced to stay (such as employees working for an arrogant boss) they will lose respect and are just waiting for their chance to leave or to get even. But, the arrogant person is probably good at making new friends to replace the old ones so it doesn't matter to him if all his relationships are superficial or short-lived.
3. why do family and girlfriends/wives stick with arrogant guys? Family - they have no choice, they are family after all. But sooner or later they too may get tired of this and cut them off. Girlfriends/wives : my theory is that only a woman with low self esteem will get into a relationship with someone who treats her bad. This low self esteem then makes her dependent on him and unwilling to leave him no matter how bad he treats her.
Don't become arrogant. you may always be surrounded by friends, but they will be superficial ones because no one will stick with you for the long term once they get tired of the arrogance. you may get a girl initially by being arrogant because she thinks this is self-confidence and bravery, but sooner or later she will lose respect for you and if she stays with you it will only be because of other things like money or insecurity.
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