A
female
age
41-50,
*exy79
writes:Warning, this is a sexual problem with a little bit of graphic detail, hope it does not offend! I've been seeing this guy for over a month just now, and since we live 30 miles apart, every time we've got together we have also spent the night together. The first couple of times in my bed and then the last five or six times at his place.I was strongly physically attracted to him from the outset and was surprised when he seemed to return my feelings. However, and maybe this is just a reflection on my previous experience of men, but the fact that he only kissed and cuddled me for the first few nights we spent in bed and didn't even attempt any sexual advances - well I found that a bit weird! I didn't take it all bad though, it was nice to take things slowly.The fifth night we spent together things heated up a bit, then on the sixth night we got even more intimate and he performed spectacular cunnilingus upon me. The next night we spent together he again gave me great pleasure but when I tried to reciprocate in kind, it didn't seem he was really enjoying it that much. I'm pretty sure my technique is fine, have had enough experience to know what I'm doing, so I was quite disappointed that he wasn't very responsive.Then in the morning, before he headed to work we were kissing, things heated up and well, we had penetration. It felt a-m-a-z-i-n-g to me, and again his technique was perfect, if he had just kept going I would have orgasmed in minutes but he seemed quite distracted and just gave me a teasing smile and mentioned he had to go, he was late for work.The next time, again in the morning before his work, we had penetration, and again , I was loving it and again he didn't even seem to register what we were doing. He kept going to stop and saying he was late for work, then giving a few well directed strokes before chatting away as if nothing were happening, mentioning that he was going to shave his beard off that day if he got time! I asked him if it felt good and he replied "What do you think? Of course it does, I'm not a robot!" I commented that I was concerned he maybe was a robot as he was demonstrating such immaculate self control and restraint!To which he responded "I normally have no control at all..." "What?! So only with me you can control yourself?" I wanted to know (and all this time we were still technically having sex!)He replied of course not and then muttered something about having to talk through his inadequacies.This man is gorgeous looking, sweet natured, definitely not lacking in the trouser department and has an amazing sensual ability. Yet, he has expressed having a lack of confidence, a past tendency for women getting sick of his workaholic ways (he's on the farm 7 days a week, 14 hours a day at the moment cause of the late harvest) but I've made it clear to him that I really like him, I've cooked for him, rubbed his aching muscles and tried to give him pleasure but I'm starting to be concerned now that sexually he might not be attracted to me, or that he is just really weird sexually. His technique suggests he is not lacking in experience (and he is very handsome so Im sure the opportunity has been there for him) so I don't understand, WHY he wont just have sex with me! Like actual full sex with orgasms and all. Maybe I'm just being impatient, but I have never met a man who seemed so reluctant to have sex!NB, thought it might also be relevant to mention that we weren't using a condom on either of the occasions I mentioned. He commented the first time, I don't know if jokingly or not 'that I was very trusting' which I think he meant about the no condom thing. I asked if I shouldn't be, to which he replied I should trust him. But maybe he doesn't trust me and that is what this is all about. Help! I like this man more than anyone I've met in a very long time, but I also really like sex and don't want to mess this up by being pushy or not encouraging enough, or I don't know. Confused.If you took the time to read through all this, thanks. Good to get it off my chest even if I don't get a response!
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condom, confidence, kissing, muscle, orgasm, teasing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, prof_orr  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Ease up a little bit. Most men like to be the aggressors in a relationship. It's a macho thing.
A
female
reader, lexy79 +, writes (12 October 2008):
lexy79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey, thanks to all who offered up some advice on this. Update on the situation is that we are now official and have well and truly sealed the deal! Couple of other different issues have raided their head now but that's something for another post...
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A
female
reader, miso31 +, writes (29 September 2008):
I just went through something similiar and maybe I can shed some light. I hope this is not the case with your guy, but I was dating someone for 3 months. We had oral sex but he wanted to wait for anythign more than that. He said he would know in his gut when it was right, and wanted to wait until he was in it for the "long haul." Well, it turns out he was waiting because he didn't see the relationship going further and he didn't want to feel more guilty breaking up with me so he delayed sex until he was certain I wasn't for him. I think he was equating that as long as intercourse wasn't involved, it would be as painful to breakup which I think is crap. Sorry, back to you! I wonder if this guy is fearful of taking the relationship to the next level. Or has some huuuuge intimacy issues. I don't like that he will stick it in but won't actually have sex. That's like the male equivalent of being a cock tease! Sorry to be so blunt. You need to lay it on the line with him and tell him that a big part of an intimate relationsip is sex and you feel something isn't right. Be prepared to walk unless he is very open and honest with you.
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A
female
reader, lexy79 +, writes (28 September 2008):
lexy79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to clarify, when I had said we had penetration, that was very literaly what I meant- I wouldn't go as far to say we had sex yet, not really. Both times it was only a few minutes of teasing around and certainly neither of us orgasmed. I realise condoms should be used at all times... however I would be pretty shocked if I managed to get pregnant from either of these 'paddle in the pool' occasions.
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A
male
reader, DrHelp +, writes (28 September 2008):
Ok lets take a little off the top.
Dont need to put a warning as this website can be a little steamy with their articles. Ok thats my only moan... Pun not intended..
The thing I am most concerned about is the no condom part. Should always use one no matter what circumstance or some other form of contraception unless trying to conceive.
I think firstly you should get a pregnancy test as he could be worried about you carrying a "bun in the oven"
It is good to have a kiss and cuddle at the beginning as it shows romance and passion and sex should be the last thing on the mind in my way of thinking.
As i read on I noticed a distance relationship happening. I think you should talk to the guy about trust and a relationship to see how things are going. Some men find it difficult to talk about feelings but im sure you will address it in a gentel way.
I think there maybe a underlying problem from previous relationshipe with the man as he said "he normaly has no controle at all" so there is something there to talk about.
Try to get him in the mood and all up for sex but after you have had a chat about whats happening.. If hes into it watch a soft dirty movie with him.. might get him going and in the mood or give him a nice surprise or something.
I hope this helps.
Need more info Just send me a message.
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