A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Still to this day I don't understand why my boyfriend cheated on me.He always reassures me it's been three years, and he tells me he doesn't know what he was thinking back then and why he cheated on me of he could take it all back he would. My problem is I chose to stay with him, but I constantly lash out I have good days and bad days I feel insignificant and like he doesn't love me. I've tried to move on we have even got our own home together had a baby. But I did get pregnant before I knew he had cheated.He says we will work hard to get past this but how can I when the girl he was with constantly sends me emails and messages my phone I even changed my email address and phone number.Why did he do this, he always says I didn't even do anything to deserve this and he is was selfish for doing this to our relationship. But if I hadn't found out he wouldn't have ever told me so surely he isn't sorry enough he was with this woman for a month lying and deceiving me. I knew something was wrong at the time I had a gut feeling.I just don't want to be sat here in ten years still bitter for what he's done. I love him I want to move on any suggestions from people who have been successful in this. I just feel like we are growing apart again and I'm getting to the place he was before he cheated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Original poster here.Thanks for your quick and honest response.I was a a point where I would banish thoughts and ignore them but its her emails that pull me back to the point where I was hurt.I'm not sure she's irresistible she was my supposed friend but she was known for sleeping about l and getting with others boyfriends. She also got with my boyfriends best friend and told him all kinds of stories that she was pregnant. I think I know he was looking for a way out and she was the easy option I guess. He says it was just sex not that I feel any better hearing that so you are right I guess
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 February 2013):
 First things first, delete your email account so she cant contact you again - and if you want to set up a new email address, then make sure there is nowhere on the internet she could find it.
Call your mobile phone service provider (e.g. Vodafone, Orange etc) and block her number from contacting you. This is easy for the network to do, they can simply block her number so there would be no way for her to call you or text you again.
If somehow she still continues to get in touch, then call the police. If this has been going on for 3 years now and they were only together a month she has some serious issues and this is classed as harassment. You can get a restraining order against her and she wont be able to bother you again.
As for why he cheated - there could be a million reasons, and even if you found out the truth I doubt it would make you feel better. People cheat for a whole host of reasons, some people are just weak and give in easily to temptation, some people are unhappy in their current relationship and are looking for a way out, and some people are just natural born cheaters who are incapable of being faithful. And then there are hundreds of other reasons in between.
Would knowing that he thought she was gorgeous and couldnt resist her help you? Would knowing that he was unhappy with you and was looking for a way out make you feel better? Would knowing that he fell in love with another woman help you move on?
I dont think knowing any more than you do now is going to help you at all, it would only make it worse. All you know is that he cheated, he is sorry and has chosen you, not her. At the time you chose to stay with him, but it is clear you have not been able to forgive him.
So now you have 2 options, either draw a line under it and accept that what he did was awful but you are a family and want to remain a family together. Alternatively you cant forget what happened and will never be able to forgive him, and if that is the case you will have to leave.
There is no magic cure for moving on and getting over it. You just have to make a choice whether you want to move on, or whether this is something that you cannot forget. When someone hurts you so significantly there is no way to erase what they have done, and that hurt will remain with you forever. But it depends whether or not your love and desire to be with him is stronger than the hurt he caused you.
If he has hurt you so badly that you simply cannot love him like you used to before then you have to stop trying to cling onto this relationship when it has gone beyond repair.
Alternatively if your love for him is stronger than the hurt then you just have to draw a line in the sand and start again. Every time you start to think about what happened you have to get a grip of yourself and give yourself a good telling off - thinking about it doesnt get you anywhere, so you need to learn to stop your thoughts quickly and dont allow yourself to dwell on it anymore.
You need to have a good long think about this, and whether you can find it within yourself to forgive him and move on, or whether it has hurt you too much to ever get past it.
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