A
female
age
30-35,
*MYK
writes:Hello!So! The Summer is ending. And A lot of stuff has happened. And I've been EXTREMELY moody. And on top of that, I haven't been taking my Depression pills for a LONG time. I stopped taking them in March. I don't think I need them. Right now, I'm calm. Let me explain what has happened.From June- august 2nd, I was in summer school. And everything was fine. From August until now, I've done NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. I only left the house about 4 times to hang out with friends. And those 4 times were great. Because I haven't seen my friends from 6th grade in a long time, and we got to catch up and hang out.I've basically been isolating myself the whole summer in my room. I only left out for food and to go to the bathroom.Though. . . things started to annoy the hell out of me. First it was little things. Like my cell phone-- which I now currently hate. I hate the sound of the alarm. I hate when it rings. I hate when It notifies me when I get a Message. I hate the sight of it. Or, getting an Im would piss me off. Seeing the flashing orange light what notifies you when you got a message and the msn message sound, would really piss me off.Then I started becoming annoyed with people. My sister would come in to tell me dinner is ready, and I would be all pissed off. Or, my ex would just say hello and it really pissed me off.So to calm myself down, I would play PC games. Mostly MMOs, which i REALLY enjoyed. And I started to get really into them. I started Avoiding everyone.Then one day, I had to go with my closes friends to an away party. Both of my bestfriends from 6th grade where leaving for college in diffrent states the next day. They are the only Friends I have over here.After crying about that, I started close out everything. I din't go outside or anything. I started to get even more annoyed with EVERYTHING-- more than before. I started Sleeping the whole day away. And Then Get pissed off FOR sleeping the whole day away. And For feeling tired again. It was like I was saying "Screw everything."I started Playing my games again. and Ignoring people who tried to talk to me. My Ex was like "why are you being so cold? what is wrong with you? Is mmo game here/ more important than talking to me? Have you been taking your medicine?". And I just Blew up at him. "You are like my ****ing sister! **** the Medicine! I don't need it! Why is it always about the medicine with You people?!" He eventually got fed up with me and said "***k your s**t.", which actually hurt my feelings. Which was weird. Because I didn't care about anything. the Next day he called me and was being nice. and wanted to know why I was upset. And me being still upset from yesterday, didn't care for him being nice and started being mean to him. I felt horrible and angry. I could tell he was hurt by my words. . . but I was just too angry to care. He said "My other friends are not like this, they talk about what's wrong. and I know you are lying when You say nothing is wrong." Me: "I'm FINE. I'm not like your other friends. I guess I'm not your Ideal "friend". Don't talk to me any more. Don't text me. Good bye." After Crying about that, I just felt miserable.My sister always checks on me to see how I'm doing. I always pretend I'm happy. I'm doing a pretty darn good job at it. If I keep it up, I won't have to go to therapy. And my sister can save her money.Oh. I've been feeling sick and achy too. My breast hurt(period probably soon), my back hurts (because of my old bed) and yesterday I actually went outside again. I steps outside and I felt nauseous. I was about to puke. Also I've also picked up a bad eating habit. Snacking. 24/7. Yesterday(after the going outside thing), I ate a half a box of cookie dough, just because I felt like shit. And I get angry at myself because I gained a bit of weight-- a lot of weight. And Family members have been calling me fat(before all this happened, but after school was over. this kinda started it.) I also Feel like a HUGE failure in life. Great. . .Only a few people actually are able to make me happy and I am happy to be around. But the person who makes me Truly Happy is my boyfriend. He doesn't even have to say anything. Just him being there is nice. I don't show him I'm miserable. I hide it. I don't want him to worry. He's such a Sweet guy.. . . Wow. Jesus. This is A lot. I'm very sorry. And yet, I feel like I'm missing a lot of stuff out. . .And The thing that annoys me the most? Not knowing WHY i'm like this.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 The info you have added since your original post has changed my perspective for you. I am a great believer in nautropaths and homeopaths. Would you go and see one of them? They don't look at symptoms like traditional doctors instead they focus on the whole body and prescribe herbs and natural aids to regain complete health. They are fanstastic people to talk to because they LISTEN and talk things over with you. Also I recommend you try to eat natural food as much as you possibly can. Avoid highly processed food as much as possible. If you can do it organic is the way to go.
Things will be ok doll you will get there. Keep searching for answers.
A
female
reader, TMYK +, writes (2 September 2010):
TMYK is verified as being by the original poster of the question @dmartin89: Hm. Hypnotherapy, huh? I've been kinda skeptical about that kind of stuff. But I'll see if I can try it. It actually sounds like fun.
@anon(female): Heh. You know? My therapist, my doctor and my sister keep asking me that. "the only way you will get better, is if you take your medicine." lol. I want to get better (without the medicine), but then there is also that other part of me that really enjoyed popping pills and feeling numb. And when I felt numb, I didn't worry about anything. I was happy. But Yes. I would like to get better. But I really don't want to go back to taking my medicine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): do you want to feel better? because if you dont then your going to be stuck in the cycle for a long time. You need to accept that you have a problem and want to get better - that is the first stage to helping yourself. Once you have acknowledged this then you will find it alot easier to talk to people and look about getting things back on track. The doctor wouldnt have put you on meds if he didnt think you needed them. good luck.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Stop listening to everyone else on here telling you to take you medication.You havent been taking it which is good, you dont need to live off pills to make yourself feel human. I had been on antidepressants untill a few months ago when i started my Hypnotherapy training. Coming off them was the best thing I ever did!I can imagine how you are feeling at the moment, and it must be a wonderfully strong to not have to take medication. Just because millions of other people take medication to make themselves feel artificially better, that doesnt mean that is what you should do, its not the right way to go. What you are explaining in you post sounds a lot like normal womanly hormones! Go with it! So what if you ate half a box of cookie dough. You are 18-21, this is normal behaviour, sure it might feel shitty now but you know it will go away, dont you? I agree, seing a normal therapist will do you no good, talking about your feelings does fuck all tbh!Since becoming a trainee Hypnotherapist I have "cured" my depression, changed my lifestyle and reduced my body weight by 10%. This is from someone who cut herself for 6 years and OD'd twice!Find a good hypnotherapist in your area, NOT one who is offering cheap sessions and money off deals. You will feel better soon.
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A
female
reader, TMYK +, writes (2 September 2010):
TMYK is verified as being by the original poster of the question@_Katy_Did_: Wow. That's EXACTLY how I've been feeling! I just wish everyone could see that. . . I actually tried Talking my sister the other day. Me: "I cried today. I just felt sad" (didn't want to tell her a lost a really good friend.) and she said "why?". But the way she said it was like "I don't really care" attitude. . . So I just left.
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female
reader, TMYK +, writes (2 September 2010):
TMYK is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chigirl: At first I didn't mind taking the medicine. I didn't take them to feel better. I took them to just pop them in my mouth. It started when I over-dosed on pills. I tried posting my feelings on here, because I hate talking to sister about stuff, because she either Jokes about it, or gets an attitude. They(dearcupid) said I should seek help and didn't summit it. I didn't have anyone to talk to before, and when I found this place, I was really happy. It was like a Had a friend to talk to. And I REALLY needed help at that time. Seeing how I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling. I just lost it. After leaving the hospital, the Doctor said I MUST see a therapist. They put me on pills and I just though of that as a way to just overdose like i did before. It was nice feeling numb. I wasn't trying to kill myself-- which everyone keeps saying. I just wanted to . . . I dunno. I didn't want to worry about any of the bad stuff that happened before. There is A LOT to this that I don't want to mention. I've been feeling like this since I was 10.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Why do you have your pills in the first place? Are you sure these problems you are experiencing, and this isolation of yourself, the moody feelings... are you sure these are not all things that will go away once you start taking your medication again? I think you need to take your medication. I don't think your mood and depression and isolation are something you would experience if you were on your medication. I think there is a reason why you are on medication, and you have just told us the reason too. Maybe you should read your letter over again, in it says all the reasons for why you should take your medication.
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A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (2 September 2010):
 I went through a time like this. I failed two of my college classes and lost my financial aid because I was too exausted and fed up with the world to get out of bed. It was major depression. Like Moo's Mum says, you NEED to take your meds. I know when you're crazy(I only say that because I get the exact same way)you feel like everyone is against you and that you don't need those pills. You get pissed when people try to take care of you and you want to tell the world to go fuck itself. I understand and it sucks big time.
It's hard to take care of yourself and make yourself feel better. It's hard to eat right. In my case, I found it hard to eat at all. You feel tired all the time. You ache. You don't feel any joy at all. I've been there.
Just start with the pills. Take your vitamins as well. Try to go to bed at a normal time and wake up at a normal time. Your body is way out of wack and your brain literally isn't working right.
I hope you can find your happiness again. I know it seems as though it will last forever, but it won't:)
Best of luck,
Katy.
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A
female
reader, TMYK +, writes (2 September 2010):
TMYK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell. I can't. I have no more. I see my therapist(finally) today, but I really don't think I need it. I just don't want to be too dependent on them like before. I've told my therapist that I stopped taking them. But I've told my Dr. That I have enough pills, so I don't need anymore. I ran out in March.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (2 September 2010):
Doll you really really really need to take your medication. You are feeling all the things you are feeling because your body chemistry is out of wack. I know it's hard to be reliant on pills to be happy but do you want to keep feeling the way you are feeling now? You are not alone in this world needing medication to regulate your body chemistry millions of others do it too.
Take your pills doll and feel better.
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