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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Why has sex just become so casual nowadays. I mean before people did not even think about losing their virginity before marriage. What I don't understand is how people just do 'it' with people they hardly know properly. Sex before marriage does cause a lot of problems as we see in everyday life so why do people have it befroe marriage? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, elizabeth koomson  +, writes (8 January 2010):
Most young ladies are now folllowing the world and dont read their bibles or go to church,mosquic or any relious gethering and also they allow their selves to be rfooled by guys.who dont love them,will not marry them or dont mean them well,that is the problem kill young women of our time.Ladies are lovers of money and so they will do eveything for money.
A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (19 May 2008):
Since the scientific discovery and explaination of the female orgasm in the Freudian erra, people have come to realize that sex and love are not connected. Love or being "in love" is not a requisit to experience sexual pleasure. Today, it's all about the "if it feels good... do it" and "if it tastes good...eat it" attitude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): First to the poster, I dont think that you can assume that sex before marriage is casual sex as people are getting married later and later these days. You cant say that a woman who wants two graduate degrees, and a great career before she gets married at the age of 35 shouldnt have sex before 35.
However, I agree with you on the problem that sex has become too casual. There are many more single parents, and if you look at any relationship website, including this website, there are SOO many posts from women saying... why doesn't he want to commit, is he just using me for sex, he left me for another woman, he doesnt see this relationship going anywhere and just wants to be friends with benifits,etc. I think these problems have always existed, its just that men have slowly become more and more relaxed in terms of making and KEEPING a committment to a woman, esp since they know that if the current one is too demanding they can get it somewhere else. It seems to me that many men, esp younger ones these days, feel that they deserve to have an emotionally unattached friend with benifits that should be around at their convience (men -- feel free to disagree, I dont want to be correct on this one).
Second, I want to disagree with all the responses that blame the media. If you read academic literature on this issue, you will realize that a huge root of this problem of casual sex comes from the feminists of the 60s and 70s. When women started the feminist revolution in the work place, they not only wanted to be treated like men in the boardroom but also in the bedroom. Of course, this is great for guys, they've learned that they can always find a woman whos willing to have sex like a man in the past 20 or 30 years, so why should they change?
And unfortunatly, I feel like this has become the norm, to engange in casual sex activities. As an attractive mid-20s female, I know that when I go out on a date with a new guy, two or three dates later, he's trying to push me into his bed. And when I'm like.. excuse me? I never hear from him again. So the question is.. the society that has been created for us and is being made for our children for the sake of pleasure, is it worth it?
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 I'm not sure it really has changed all that much. Sex is much more open now than it has ever been - it is discussed openly far more than it might have been in the past, but is there really more sex before marriage or even more infidelity?
The "Victorian influences" mentioned in an earlier reply to your question were not all they might have seemed. In the Victorian era, one in twenty houses in London was a brothel. In 1858, according to government statistics, there was 7,194 prostitutes working in Central London. At least two former Kings and one former Queen of England died from sexually-transmitted syphilis and, although not necessarily the cause of their deaths, it was also contracted by such notable people as Idi Amin, Adolf Hitler, Scott Joplin, Schumann, Schubert, Beethoven, Gauguin, Manet, Oscar Wilde, Howard Hughes, Leo Tolstoy, Ivan the Terrible, Al Capone... and the list goes on and on.
People have always thought about it and done it. Virgins at marriage are few, and there are whole books from the 1800s and earlier all dedicated to educating young ladies about how to hide the fact they are not virgins when it comes to their wedding night.
It's nothing new. It is, and it has always been a matter of personal choice and personal morality. Just be thankful that these days the consequences are far less likely to kill us than they were a hundred years ago.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Sorry,
I mean the availability of contraception.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (19 May 2008):
I would say the availability gives everybody more freedom, and removes most worries. In the past you wouldn't have taken risks, and got pregnant.
As for frequency and numbers of partners etc, people just see what goes on around them. You then see that it is the norm, and do the same. Not only from friends, but friends of friends, opportunities from the opposite sex.
The media.
Dare I say it, sites like this. I bet there are more topics on one night stands, sex on the first date, this person has slept with ** number of people. Rarther than no sex before marriage etc.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 March 2008):
 One observation, based on history. Prior to the Victorian Era (about 1837-1901 in Great Britain) and the prior Puritan years in America, sex was rather open and relatively accepted as part of being alive, whether by commitment or not. There were exceptions in some cultures, of course, notably Moslem civilizations and a few others.
The Victorian and religious influences persisted at least into the 1920s in America and much of the Western World, when the ending of the First World War spurned a greater expression of individuality - which always means a lot of things including sexuality. The worldwide depression of the 1930s again brought about repression of things such as open sexuality, but the Second World War beginning about 1941 again started more acceptance for sexual freedom, especially after it ended and throngs of men returned home.
In the 1950s, the hip generations began with the "beatniks" followed by influences such as rock n' roll, folk music, jazz music and a much greater acceptance of artistic expression. Add Elvis, The Beach Boys, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and so many more, and sexuality increasingly opened up.
I was in the midst of those fantastic "hippy days," at least when it was pure and relatively happy before thugs and scum became the norm. But by then, sexuality was well on its way to a more socially acceptable reality, as it once was. It's early days were spiced with "free love" and much more.
Today, sexuality is just about an open book. Very little stigma attached. This is mostly a good thing, but in my opinion, an age limit and maturity level should still dictate acceptability. There is much more to the history of sexuality, but this is my very truncated view for the sake of brevity.
My personal conclusion, subject to criticism and review, is that mature adults of either gender should be free to participate in the sexual activities that make them happy, because we each have only one brief life to live on this planet. Live as you wish. Give me argument otherwise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): I have wondered about this myself on many occassions. Sex causes alot of problems whether you have it before marriage or not. What concerns me most is that now not only do we have sex before marriage, we dont even care about who it is with.
Today sex is not a show of commitment, we have made it an enjoyment, its really all about the fun!
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A
male
reader, Passthrough +, writes (4 March 2008):
 I think today the media has made is as visible a problem as it was unrecorded in the past.
You never think your grandparents/parents had as much fun regarding sex, drugs and 'rock and roll' untill you hear it from them- I have.
Its just as bad as it always was.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Because today we find it easier to seperate Sex from Love.
The two are mutually exclusive. You can have sex without love. And you can have love without sex.
But the two go hand in hand quite handsomely I think.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Hi,
I have to totally disagree with you. O.K I admit that sex is somewhat trivialised in the media , but if you know anything about History then look at how your parents and your grandparents did it. In the 1920's Berlin was a degenerate sex pot full of drugged out nymphos - on a quiet day! My point being is that things were kept under wraps in the old days whereas these days people are less inhibited.
As for sex before marriage being a problem, I blame the Bush administration for making sex feel dirty again. I see it as a form of control, controlling how you live your life. Sex before marriage was crucial to me, how else would I know that my partner is compatible? If you don't have a sexual connection then relationships are so hard as there is no greater connection between a man and a woman than that you share in the bedroom.
You also have to realise that many of these people who proclaim sex before marriage as evil, are themselves engaged in various elicit acts. Just take your pick of any number of Republican congressmen caught with their pants down so to speak either with girls or boys - it doesnt matter to these pillars of moral virtue.
so sorry I respectfully disagree, sex is a wonderful thing and it should be something you share with someone you love but also for grown adults it can be something you enjoy as well, I am just a little tired of people dragging out the same old outdated morality that was in place merely to control others in the first instance.
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A
female
reader, superhoopschick +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Simple..the media. It is a place which has influence what is the norm for today. THings such as girls need to be skinny and small and males need to be muscular. When going into college, people are interested in experiencing new things, with no parents to tell them what to do.
Sex does give pleasure but it is something the media says is good. Today, men feel they can walk up to a girl, suduce them, have sex, and never have to see them agian. It is wrong, especially if something goes wrong and a female ends up pregnant. See, males are not the ones that have to have a baby inside for 9months, they are not the ones that deal with pain, they are not the ones that are going to be trapped to 23years of dealing with a child. This is why males dont care..women do it cuz they need money or believe that person loves them or they just want to cuz other people do it.
But if guys try excuses and really trying to decieve a person, say its a personal choice, and they should respect that. It shows if a male wants you for ur body or ur mind and personailty.
In college and as you get older..even though people do it now, as u get older..people will respect the person that does not have sex. They will feel less regret and men will have great respect when a real commitment comes, when they are done running around.
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