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female
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anonymous
writes: Hiya Everyone! :oPI've been in my relationship for 2 years now. I don't understand how my sex life with my boyfriend has gone from really physical to almost nothing? It feels as though I am always instigating it. Then when he turns me down which is becoming really frequent he tells me he's tired or he's got a bad back! Then when the morning comes his backs fine but when the night comes there's a problem then in the morning he's too tired! If you catch my drift. Is this a way of telling me that he doesn't fancy/ attracted to me anymore?Whenever we do have sex he just lies on the bed and waits for me to get into bed, wam bam thank you mam! The is no fore play there is only foreplay for him if you know what I mean. I think he prefers for me to give him oral then to have sex but he doesn't understand that I have needs too.He doesn't kiss me much anymore, complains when I cuddle him. He also tells me to lose weight and I would look really attractive. Funny thing is im only a size 12 and he's a really big bloke a 17 1/2 shirt and a 48 waist! Im a size 12 any smaller and I would look ill! I just laugh at him!Also one more thing we live long distance and every time we are on the phone and have a little argument he says well why don't we just finish it then? As in why don't we just finish the relationship. He tells me he loves me but I don't know if I believe him. I'm only 18 and this isn't my idea of having a bit of fun! I've tried everything to get our sex life back on track and he just isn't interested. 'Im really serious about our relationship and I love him to bits.What do you think I should do? Any suggestions?Please help; frustrated woman here!Thanks in advance :o) *Hugs*
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2005): I'm sorry this man is treating you this way. (hugs) Hun, your relationship is not going anywhere, not providing for your needs and it's eventually going to cost you way too much.(self-worth) You are soo giving and he just keeps on taking, taking, taking. I think you deserve a more loving, balanced & caring relationship. Your guy is showing NO interest & NO emotional involvement in this relationship. What does he want then? Just a place to hang out, occasionally? Don't settle for that. You need to ask yourself if he's just there, until a better offer comes along? And we both know, he won't get anything better...it's rare to find someone as caring as you are.
By just writing in for advice, I think you know you are definitely worth giving time and energy to but you need to hear that reassurance, because his treatment will eventually pick away at that wonderful self-value you exude in this letter. You are important and so are your interests, experiences and concerns. Your partner needs to acknowledge that and he needs to be there for you when you need him. He's taking the relationship for granted. He's possibly got a self-centered, immature view of intimacy & love and is thinking only of what HE can get out of this relationship not what he can give back to you. In other words, I honestly don't think he's capable of giving you that, until he matures and dumps the "me, me" attitude. Your gut instincts are informing you that "something is wrong." These feelings should be trusted. For instance, diminishing intimacy, lack of caring, less interest, a non-committal attitude like they don't care, are all outward signs, he's grown indifferent. Indifference is a strong force to be reckened with...it makes everything it touches meaningless. You owe it to yourself to leave this relationship-if he can't or is not willing to work and give your more.
You can give this once last try by talking to him one 'last time" telling him firmly and exactly what you need in a relationship. If he still shows little or no interest in your relationship then I would let go. Because it will just get progressively worse, until he "takes" your self-worth and confidence. It will hurt because he still owns a piece of your heart...but you will walk away with your self-pride intact knowing that YOU really tried. Best of luck, dear Keep that dignity intact...Hugs and Smiles, Irish
A
male
reader, Buty +, writes (11 August 2005):
Baby I think you are a great woman from your description. You know what, people don't realise the importance of what they have until they loss it. I've been in a long distance relationship for over five years now because of my education which I'll finish in 2007 July. We r great lovers and we even hanve over the phone sex coz we really miss each other. My view of your relationship ius that maybe your boyfriend is cheating on you with some gal who like oral sex. Talk it out with him and let him know that you don't fancy oral sex but you want him to do you at the exact spot. Oral sex can form the foreplay it ok but he should also make you feel part of your sex life with him.
If he doesnt think its a great idea, then please life is short lkive it now coz 2morrow might be too far. Go out there, there is somebody waiting for you. I wish you success when you finally give up on him and walk to the open path of romans hunt. Thanks
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 August 2005):
 What do *I* think you should do?
I think you should stop treating this loser to the best thing he's probably ever had, and go find someone who'll appreciate a woman who loves sex and is happy with her body shape. THAT'S what I think you should do!
You sound like a jewel of a woman, and a dream-come-true for an appreciative man, so I can't understand what it is that your boyfriend thinks is missing. A size 12 (especially one who's happy with what she looks like) is wonderful, and it's a healthy look. What would he prefer? Some woman so scrawny she looks like a Twiglet?
Be up front with him. Ask him to be specific about what it is that's putting him off sex with you. Listen to his comments and think about what he wants. If it seems too much of an ask (for example, if he thinks you should lose 10kg and get walloping breast implants just to please him), then give him a wide berth, and wish him well finding another woman who has better qualities than you. (I don't think he'll find one, but good on him if he does.)
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A
reader, becky05 +, writes (11 August 2005):
This doesnt sound like a good relationship to be in. He gets all the benefits and what do you get? nothing but insults. Tell him how you feel and if he refuses to change then i would end the relationship as he hss no regrd for your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Ann +, writes (11 August 2005):
It is nothing you did. Some guy's are like that. I am in that same situation and I may or may not get better but you know you look good or beautiful you do not need to lose any weight if you are a size 12.You need to go to him or just talk to him on the phone and tell him how you feel it might be very hard but you got to make him see the point of view. Not all long distence realationships work out and I know you love him but you got to make a good decision for your self that will make you happy.
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