A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:SORRY IF THIS IS SO LONG!!!!! i would really appreciate some help though as im getting so down about this situation :(what does it mean when your ex (who you believe still likes you) doesn't text you back?long story short, he initiated our breakup but it was because we had an argument over not seeing each other enough due to work etc, and he thought I wasn't happy. he said i needed a guy who could give me a lot more than he could (this could NOT be further from the truth, i loved him). over the first couple of weeks i begged and pleaded to get back together but he wouldnt bugge, and after one final massive argument over the whole issue i decided i wouldn't contact him anymore and deleted him on facebook, as he was making it clear he didnt want to get back together and i just wanted to forget about it and be happy again. it hurt so much to do this as although he didnt want to break up he was begging me not to cut contact.he texted me 10 days later asking how i was doing but i stuck to what i said before, left it a week to reply and said i didnt think we should be talking yet. he didn't respond. after that, we didnt speak or see each other for 7 weeks, and during this time i got told from mutual friends he was writing stuff on facebook about having to go for walks to clear his head, for clarity, was posting out depressing song lyrics etc etc. he also fell out with one of his friends who didnt agree with his reasons for breaking up with me and who helped me when i got upset about it (basically just insanely jealous).2 weeks ago i saw him at a gig. fo the first time in 7 weeks. he was constantly looking at me, waving at me and trying to catch my eye throughout the day and the third time we saw each other he came over, he sounded EXTREMELY nervous and asked if id had a good holiday (there was no way he'd know id been on holiday unless he'd been looking on the facebook profiles of my friends, as i deleted him as one). when he left, he told me to text him if his favourite band member arrived (we were all stood around the stage doors waiting for the band). his fav band member didnt get out of the tourbus, so i didnt text him. i saw him later on when i was with a group of my guy friends and he was staring at me. i pretended not to notice.last week, i bumped into his friends at a club and they all asked how id been doing since the breakup and all said it was my exes loss for breaking up with me. i know they all genuinely think that, it was a massive shock for everyone when we broke up. whilst i was outside the club getting some air, his best friend came up to me and just basically said my ex still really really likes me and cares about me a lot, he just honestly doesnt feel like hes in the position to be in a relationship with anyone. he also said that my ex was crapping himself when he tried to talk to me outside the gig. i just basically told him that itd hurt me too much to be friends (i've tried it before, its not worth it)however i made a MASSIVE mistake after that conversation :( i bumped into this guy that i kinda knew, and i was pretty drunk and i ended up making out with him in front of my exes best friend :/ it was SUCH a mistake as i want my ex back so badly, it just kinda happened, the guy initiated it and i just went along with it, and although i know my ex's best friend wont hold it against me as i was the one who was dumped, i know he would tell my ex :(. i told the guy straight away that it shoudlnt have happened.half an hour later my ex turned up at the club and spent the whole night staring at me and glaring at my friends brother and his friends who i was hanging out with. at the end i was feeling confident so i went up to him and hugged him tightly (although we didnt speak apart from say hi every now and again) and he hugged me back. then he came and said bye to me before he left.basically i know that he still likes me. at least i thought he did :(last night i was thinking about him and missing him and thought maybe i should make the first move as i'd already told him not to talk to me yet, and i knew he was scared trying to talk to me in person. so i texted him simply saying i need a cd back that i left in his car before we broke up (that got forgotten about a while ago) and was just nice about seeing him at the gig and i also said he'd be pleased to hear we didnt end up meeting his favourite band member, and put a smiley face. i was just being nice basically.it has now been over 24 hours since i sent it and no response :( i understand that he is busy with work, often doing 18 hour days, but my friend said he has been online on facebook and done a status and stuff :(why wouldnt he have responded ?! surely if he still liked me he would have by now?and even if he doesnt, he should know he should give me my cd back :(any ideas as to why he hasnt? could it have something to do with the fact that he probably knows i kissed someone else? is he just leaving it a day or so before replying? or have i just been reading the signs wrong and he doesnt care at all and just intends to keep my cd? :( i am so down about this, please someone help. dont be too harsh on me though please :/
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, friend's brother, get back together, jealous, my ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe finally replied... he said he'd just been busy with work (the reason we broke up) and he saw that i was invited to the same party he was on friday so thought he might just see me there (i didnt go cause it was mainly just gonna be his friends that i only know through him so i thought that might be a bit weird)
then he said he'd get my cd back to me when he can and that he hopes im okay.
in this attempt to be friends i added him back on facebook and he accepted but i havent replied to the text.
i can tell he still likes me but i dont think he wants me back, probably for the same reasons as before, but still :(
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 The both of you are still sending mixed signals to each other. Just avoid playing games, figure out what you want, and you two should then discuss whether or not you try again or go your separate ways. It's not fair to be broken up but still talk/flirt- you should give it time if you two decide not to date.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionps. deagan- i didn't spend the night at the gig ignoring him... we said hi to each other a couple of times and when he came over to ask about my holiday i responded and said it was good, it was just a bit awkward. then thats when he told me to text him if his fav band member came out.
i just pretended not to see him later on when he was stood with his friends and i was stood with mine, about to leave.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess i'm just scared of me looking like im making a fool of myself and just coming across as needy :/ i dont know what to do
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondeagan, but i also feel like im getting mixed signals from him :(
im currently just seeing the negatives, being he broke up with me, he was the one who didnt want to work through our issues and he's the one who's now not replying to me :( when i've not been clingy or anything!! its as if he just hates me when i haven't done anything wrong :(
if i contact him again to talk or whatever what should i say? we were so close a couple of months ago i cant believe it's come to this :(
...............................
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (26 July 2012):
Great advice coming from the aunts, so really I just wanted to give more perspective rather than advice-
He's probably not talking to you because he feels like he embarrassed himself, he's confused, he's getting mixed signals, and he doesn't know how to react to it.
He obviously made an effort to talk to you during the gig and you put up a huge stone wall in front of you and you spent the night ignoring him.
Then he hears about you making out with some guy. He probably feels crushed.
But then you go and hug him at the end of the night! Imagine how confused he is!
Then you text him about the CD and asked to see he had a good time with a smiley face.
Girl, he feels played. He's probably thinking "it should be pretty obvious to yiu that I had a shitty time, thanks." The asking for the CD pretty much confirms to him that you're not interested.
So how in the world is he supposed to react? Of course he's ignoring you, he feels rejected. There is no way he is psychic and is supposed to know you did that because you missed him and wanted an excuse to talk to him.
I think he needs an explanation, and so do you. You deserve to know why he really broke up with you and now wants you back all of a sudden. He deserves to know why you acted that way at the gig. You both should talk and be completely honest with each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): I think it would help if you could sit down face to face with your ex and talk. Suggest going for a coffee or whatever. I don't think that your questions will be answered by analysing texts, lack of texts, Facebook updates and so on. Also, you two are communicating to each other through his best friend. I think direct communication would be better ....So sit down and talk to him. Ask him how work's going, etc. Tell him you still miss him and think it's a shame that you two couldn't work it out. You don't have to beg him to take you back, but you could make it clear that you're open to the idea. See what he says. If he says again that is not in a position to be in a relationship, I think you have to go back to what you were doing before ie cut contact. And get that CD back or forget about it - seems like its a tie connecting you two, a reason for you to keep in touch. If he doesn't want to give it another go with you, you must make steps to move on. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 If you want your CD back you may need to go and knock on the door and ask for it. As for your relationship, he told you he couldn't give you what you wanted, maybe he still believes that.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-told-him-i-didnt-want-anything-to.html
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry i made a mistake in my first post :/ in the first paragraph "although he didnt want to break up he was begging me not to cut contact"
should have been
"although he wanted to break up"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionduring the first two weeks of breaking up i told him that i still wanted to be with him so many times, and my friends AND his friends all told him he made a mistake and how upset i was but he wouldn't change his mind. i just think the ball is in his court to reconcile since he was the one who broke it off. when we broke up he seemed to think HE was the victim in the situation :S
argh i don't know what to do, if i just tell him i want to be back with him im gonna feel like im making a massive fool of myself :(
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 If you want this guy back, then go to him and say it. Since you haven't done such a thing, I have the feeling that you don't want him back that much after all.
But I could be wrong. Think long and hard what you want, and act in consequence.
...............................
|
