A
female
age
26-29,
*olli'
writes:I have confidence problems at school, all the time I feel paranoid about my figure and If I look ok, what people are thinking about, if it's about me, If someone has said something about me. I feel like I don't fit in and it's making me hate school, it has effects on me at home, I sometimes skip meals and don't talk, I've tried telling my family but they NEVER understand, they lecture me telling me I never use to be like this, and comparing me to my clever older sister. I have become very sensitive about myself and the slightest thing said to me can make me feel extremely upset. I wish people would only say nice things, I am so nice at school because I know what it is like feeling uncomfortable. I hate my body so much, and I hate everyone else for upsetting me about anything. Please Help!!!
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confidence, my figure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): That's my girl! You go ahead and live your life! Remember that those who have nothing much to do spend their time criticizing others! So, go ahead and enjoy one of the best phases of your life. And, if you ever feel like talking, we are hear to listen.
Lots of Love
:)
A
female
reader, Holli' +, writes (13 October 2009):
Holli' is verified as being by the original poster of the question I understand, it's just a little ard sometimes, I guess i'm kind of confused by how I feel about myself and how others see me, but if I am just myself then what they think of me is only their opinion and I carn't help that. Thanks again for writting, as you kow it is very much apreciated.
bye xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Hey,
you are welcome, and really, just be yourself, the moment you try too hard to fit in, you not only compromise who you are, but you also (in a very twisted and unconscious way) convince yourself that the approval of others matter more and you also make yourself vulnerable to hurt and criticism.
OF course, we only realize this in hindsight and that doesn't help much. Honey, I care so much for you and since I have personally gone through, I don't want you to go through that kind of pain. And, since your generation (I feel old when I say this) has at least ten times more peer-pressure than me, so... it is that much more challenging for you. Just remember that history only remembers those that stand out, that break the rules, people who are don't fit in, those that are different.
People spend money and time and stress about being different , you are naturally gifted with it, so stick to who you are and your sense of self. And, never ever try very hard to make others like you, ever. OF course that doesn't meant that you stop being nice or anything,just that you shouldn't make people like you at the cost of your self esteem. That is all.
Keep us posted
Love
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A
female
reader, Holli' +, writes (12 October 2009):
Holli' is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you've both really helped and I apreciate it a lot. Don't get me wrong I try sooo hard to get along with people they just don't seem fust. I think I will start a journal, I t will help clear my mind and stop me getting all upset some of the time. Thanks again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Hi
I completely agree with Caring Guy. Listen to him.
Also, teen years were tough on me too. I was the odd girl out and I always thought that people gossiped and laughed about me on my back and that made me paranoid. So, my teens were suddenly all about achievements as I wanted to prove that although I was different, I was still someone to be respected. But that doesn't change the fact that I barely got to enjoy my teens.
I am saying all this to you because I do not want you to get oversensitive over this. It happens to a lot of us. Teens aren't just about changes in body shapes but many nerves connect and reconnect, their is a general rearrangement of neurons and also hormones kick into high gear. They might have a biological impact to make you oversensitive. And the only cure about this problem is to not let this fear get to you. But yes, it is very hard to resist. So, I want you to keep a journal and I want you to pour all your fears and anxiety in it. Also, yeah, talking to your sister will help a lot, she is someone who genuinely cares about you. Just hang around her room sometimes and let the conversation happen. Who knows, this might be the cementing of a lifelong friendship. ANd give your parents a chance, it is very tough to deal with a teen and although they compare you to your older sister, I know that they think of you as an individual, just that it is a busy existence and sometimes people say things because of frustrations, stress or exasperation. I request you to do the mature thing by cutting them slack, okay.
ANd, in school, remember to make it a point to talk to people, to say hi and to participate. DO not be a wall flower for the fear or a loner.
Experience and talking to my friends from school taught me that they were too busy and wrapped up in their own lives to care or gossip about me! SO, you see, there is a possibility that this might sometimes apply in your case, too.
Keep me posted
Love
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2009):
Look at why you now feel so sensitive. Has there been something said in the past that makes you feel this way? Or do you feel that you're not getting support, so you feel vunerable? In all fairness, you are goung through the teenage years, so you feel will all sorts of different things for a while, and you won't understand them all. If you can't talk to your family, perhaps talk to a teacher or a counsellor so you can just try to understand how you feel. There isn't anything wrong with you at all. The more you think there is, the more underconfident you will become and the more other people will see that you can be hurt. Also, speak to the easier of your parents and calmly explain to them that you feel this way and that you would like some support, instead of being compared to your sister. Perhaps even talk to your sister. She's older, so will have been through some of this before.
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