A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 13 and the youngest in my family. Sometimes I feel forgotten or like my parents don't really care about me. Throughout my childhood I've always felt different and like I don't really belong. My parents get mad at me easily. I remember when I was about 8 or 9 my mom locked me out of the house because I refused 2 take the dog out while my older brother was sitting on the couch downstairs and they didn't even ask him. When ever my parents ask my brother to do something he says no once and they force it on me. I am in my high school marching band (yes 8th grade can join) and I play the flute. My brother plays hockey for the high school and he's 5 years older than I am. During marching season we have competitions every Saturday for about a month and a half, October and November and sometimes have double headers (two competitions in one day and practice before both of them). We have our home show last week and while all the other parents were there except mine. I got a call from my mom saying that she and my dad were at a party with parents from cheerleading (I did pop warner for 4 years before quitting for marching band) I was soo sad when I heard this and all of my friends were like your parents must not have wanted you to quit cheering. The worst part is I am forced to go to everyone of my brother's hockey games (he's played since he was 5 and I was 2) and he never plays. Maybe two minutes in a game at most. Everything I do doesn't really mean anything to them. I'm an A plus student and have never done anything wrong. Why don't they care? They also leave me home alone for countless hours when they go out. During the summer they've gone to parties at 4 in the afternoon and got home at 1am. I just want to be like ya hi, you have a second child in case you forgot. When they are home I try to be with them but I get yelled at. I don't know what I should do and why they don't care like they should... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionas all of you know the holidays are fast approching. the one thing i asked my parents for this year was an open holed flute because the one i have not sucks an i can hardly play. the best flutist in my school band even had trouble playing it and shes been playing for 7 years and also plays the piccolo. well i found out the one thing i wanted i will not get. i wont get it because my parents say its too expensive. i chose the crapiest open holed flute possible so it would be the cheapest for then which was around $700. the disapointed me sooo much not becasue they said that it was to expensive and im pretty much not getting it but becaause they just resently spent $2000 for my brothers dirt bike forr his birthday this september.this os mor than twice as much as my flute and the gave it up no problem or comments. my brother also already had one that he sai was "to small for him". he also gos riding about 4 times a year and cant even touch it for over half of the year bc of the cold. on the other hand i would use my flute pretty much everyday of my life for the next 8 years(through high school and collage marching band). and there always like i no you want it and its not like we dont want to get it for you but we cant and whenever i bring up the subject my dad is always like do you really need it now. its also not like its new that a want/need a new flute ive been saying it for the past two years giving them time to save up for it.i hate it how they put my brothers wants before my need
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): well really i did not get wat a i was looking for cuz this is not my prob. my prob is that I DONT LIKE MY PARENTS my mom works alot and my dad is in Africa and to top it off i have the most boring life ever
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): you should call the RSPCC. They help young children have a better life. Look up in a phone book for their number.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): I know how you feel honey. I was in the same boat when growing up. My parents always yelled at me. I dont remember many good things from my childhood, just mainly always being yelled at and put down. Yet my sister was the 'good' one she literally got away with murder while I would get in trouble for leaving my bookbag on the couch when i came home from school or not letting my dog out. My mom has told me that she didnt love me. I didnt have a good relationship with my parents in high school and i felt like I could never do anything right. I developed depression as well as anorexia and bulimia and that really disappointed my parents. I didnt get help until the school intervened after I passed out in class at 15. I weighed in at 72 pounds. They never wanted to take me out anywhere cause they told me I would humiliate them.I am 25 now and despite my challenges I made it into medical school. I followed my dreams and became successful. I didnt let my past affect who I wanted to become. Sadly I am still not on the best of terms with my parents they love my sister and its obvious and she failed out of school! I dont get it. I know its unfair. I dont talk to them much and they are still disappointed in my ED struggles, granted I am much much better now but I still struggle with my body image and self esteem but that has not affected my academic performance and desire to become what I wanted to become in life.You can do it. Follow your dreams. Dont ever give up and dont let the things your parents say and do affect who you become. Good luck. :)
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female
reader, safensound +, writes (28 November 2008):
I am sorry to hear that your parents don't help you feel loved like you deserve. You sound like an awesome person! Hang in there! It sounds like your parents have problems of their own that you cannot control. Consider they may not be able, now, to show their love for you as you desperately need. Understand that since you will likely never gain their acceptance/approval, you will do well to acknowlege that fact and focus on continuing to become the successful person you're becoming...continue to focus on your grades, marching band, college or post high school vocational planning, etc. And may I offer-- please consider becoming actively invovled in a mainstream, Christian church for more help. God loves you unconditionally and is waiting for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Hi honey, I know exactly what you are feeling, the only difference is that my brother is younger.
I know what that's like, and if you continue to feel that way and harvest those thoughts I can tell you by my own experience what will happen next depression-suicide attempt-bulimia-anorexia- being photographed naked-regret-alcohol-drugs-
I let a lot of resentment build and that made me do my fair share of bad choices, I had a very low self steem and was blinded by a need to hurt myself to indirectly hurt my parents.
I knew I had a problem, but didn't talk to anyone about it, luckily I found the strenght somewhere inside me to move on, control my own feelings, take responsability for my actions and for my life and stop feeling guilty, unwanted and miserable. I also found an angel with whom I could share what was in my mind and who supported me, but it was me who had to do all the hardwork to overcome my own issues.
I know its hard, no one has the perfect parents and they'll never love you the way you want them to. Love and respect yourself always, speak up, say what you think and what you feel and try to understand others, try to put in your parents position, their intention probably isn't hurting you.
If you can't understand something, ask, sometimes is up to you to be the mature one and to try to understand their interests and motivations, in theory it should be the other way around but one can't have everything. Try to understand them, not to please them all the time putting their needs before you.
Talk to them about how this thing or that attitude made you feel, they might not agree with you, but it gives you a chance to hear the other side of the story and at least you told them what you didn't like.
Always do this in a respectful and polite manner, if they yell at you, calmly tell them, "I'm right here, I can hear you, you don't need to be so loud"
If you find that the repartition of the house chores is unfair tell them so, if they don't believe you, tell them that you'll keep track for a week to see if you have a wrong perception, then put a piece of paper on the fridge with a colum for each member of the family, on each colum write what each one of you does (take out the garbege, walk the dog, wash the dishes...) at the end of the week you can discuss your findings and you'll have strong evidence to support your case.
Then agree to do your share of the house work, divide chores and do what you're responsible for and don't fail on that.
Always talk about how you feel,even if they don't understand, don't let things bottle up because you'll only harm yourself. Be assertive, be respectful, stand for what you believe, set personal goals and try to help and understand others.
The sooner you understand this, you'll spare yourself a lot of unnecesary suffering.
Plus, you can use this difficult situation you're trough as practice to develop interpresonal skills that will be of great use all you're life.
Focus on the good things, count you're blessings and not your probles and keep your hopes up.
I wish you strenght and good luck.
Have a happy life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok to day was the night of the mac (musical arts confrence) championships. It was rainin and we still preformed. i pretty much had 2 begg mi parents to come bc it was our last compitition for this season and i really wanted them 2 b there bc like i said b4 THEY DIDNT SHOW UP 4 THE HOME SHOW AND WENT 2 A CHEERLEADIN PARTY. when i got home they were like atleast we showed up when it was rainin. and when ever mi bro has a hockey game they re arrange there sceduales to go and when i hav a compitition they are like o were goin sumwere we cant go 2 ur compittion. and even mi bros like well i play a real sport so they hav 2 come and im like wut the hell and want 2 burst out cryin after every argument. band is like the oonly thing tat i actually hav funn in and they cant even let mi enjoy it. and now the seasons like over so im really sad. but i atleast hav winter percussion(4 the high skool) mayb and concert band at my skool(im in 8th grade) and the band trip at the end of the year were i can get away from mi fam and just enjoy the music and mi flutie friends. even when its rainin the music still plays on
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): My mom made me stay home this week just because I didn't make my brother some soup while I was doing my brother and my older sister was sitting right there (I'm the middle child) and Donesha my sister never ever did nothing for him, I think she needs to move out, she is 21 and I have to share rooms and I have to do stuff for him all the time and if I do something like not let him in my room (I want to cause less conflict) then she would make me stay home for the whole week and next week.I'm not jealous of my little brother but I want my mom to treat me fair and sometimes when she goes to work and me and my brother would tell her we love her then she would only tell him on the weekends I go to see my dad, he don't have a lot and live with my grandparents but I absolutely love spending time with him. He is like a big kid so much fun and I hate that I don't really see him maybe once a month and that's for only 2-3 days on the weekend and she talks about him behind his back to me that he don't have nothing and can't take care of me... really I would get everything from my mom and get treated how I do and live with my dad and really get nothing, I get yelled at any time that I'm at home so that's why it makes it even more important to go (I want to get away from them).I dream of taking the car and driving to my dad/grandparents house. I pray to God, I'm a Christian, I think Ii really believe in God. I'm 12 years old going to be 13 on November 21 and I cry all the time and the 10 commandments say to honour/respect my parents and that's the only thing that stops me from socking her in the face. I think she should get reported and I would be licenced to my dad and grandma, I would be so happy and it's a shame to admit that I really don't even love my mom, I really hate how she acts and treats me unfairly but maybe it's not a big deal and I'm blowing it out of proportion but I think she should be reported. Do you or how should I handle it?????? My life is tragedy without my dad and family. P.S= all my family live in Detroit and I live Rochester Hills.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontonite mi and mi parents had an argument bout how they always leave mi home alone. in the summer theyve gone 2 parties at 4 in the afternoon and didnt come bac till bout 2 am. they were like o i thought u like bin home along since u like h8 us. i remember when i was really young 5 or 6, 7 at tops and i would get sad and complain and mi parents would b like if u dont like it here then go 2 an orahanage to get adopted to a family of complete stragers. and under mi breath i would say i want to just 2 leave but hav no wear 2 go. now ive been sayin why do u just send mi 2 boarding skool so every1s happy. they laughed and we like if u leave then u cant b in band and that would bother mi most of all bc that the only thing in life i truly enjoy rite now. but of corse the h8 the only thing that makes mi happy.like i get yelled at for practicing when there home so i w8 till they leave or play 4 the 30 mins b4 they get home after skool. i wonder y i was put in this family because there the exact oppisite of who i am.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): i'm sure your parents love and like you, but they just have a horrible way of showing it. you should sit down with your parents and talk about it and tell them how they make you feel. they may not realize that they are making you feel that they don't like you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): omg, im so sorry,! first of all,, its just awful, the whole, going to a cheer party when u dont even cheer, and not ur big night to top it all of. but when u talk to them about it, dont come flat out and say it when they r mad, cuz thatll cuz a whoole bunch of issues, talk maybe when there feeling calm and start by hinting at it, then go into detail, thats awesome that u have straight A+, im jelous! ;) well, i hope u find ur heart, and and maybe u can find something that helps u figure things out, like, when i play my flute, i always feel better, our have a sleepover wit ur friends, dont tell them all ur problems, but talk to them and get their advice, because they know u betterThen any of us. …oh yeah, and before I forget, ur parents don’t hate you, maybe know that ur a teen, they have a harder time understanding u
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reader, penguin64  +, writes (21 October 2008):
 awww hun! you really REALLY need to tell them how you feel. try and get your mum on her own and tell her. or ask her if she can take you out somewhere and talk to her about it. she might not relaise what they are acting like. being a parent is the hardest job ever. i feel like how you do sometimes too and i know its not nice. but really just talk about it.
im sure its not because they dont like you
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female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (21 October 2008):
ok.
i remember feeling like i didnt belong a couple of years ago.welldone for quiting cheerleading and going for something much more usefull..im sure you'll go far.
welldone for being a straight A student.
you see you have so many good points in your life who cares about other people? (inc your pearents).
try telling them exactly how you feel when the times right.
the thing is with boys they are more uncapable,lazy and demanding than us girls,they are proberly just trying to please him thats all honey.
carry on doing well..keep your chin up.
and im sure they will soon realize what an amazing daughter they have.
GOOD LUCK!
karma x
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