A
male
age
36-40,
*ners01
writes:I seem to have run across a few questions. I need some female opinions on these...Not to boast about myself (I am quiet humble actually) but I am always refer d to as a "nice guy". I put the feelings and well being of anyone in front of me and usually serve others before myself. This obviously is the case for females and "possible" mates.I'm not going to lie, I want to find someone for a relationship. I'm not interested in sleeping around or playing games.I'm also told that I'm quiet physically attractive... so I'm not understanding the fact that with the following factors indicated:- I'm apparently "good looking" (I workout a lot)- I'm an extremely nice person- I'm monogamous!- I have very high self ethics and respect for women- I'm also very intelligentWhy is it that I don't seem to attract any females really?... I don't notice TOO many looks (there's some but not tons =/) and.... If I ATTRACT any it seems to be the sleezy player type female that is just interested in physicality.Apparently women are always talking about how horney and immature most guys are (most are, I know) and that they'd "die" to find a guy that would just treat them right and respect them. Why is it that I seriously have NOT found one of these women anywhere? I know that they exist...Perhaps I've just been really unlucky in my search? Sigh.And before you ask "Maybe you dress provocatively" - No I don't. I don't hang around in clubs or meet anyone there and I am completely clean of alcohol + drugs.
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (15 June 2010):
You sound a bit *Goody Two Shoes* to me : girls like all that caring stuff in theory but in reality they like a bit of maleness - aka naughtiness - as well.
Let me guess : you wear smart casual; preppy type jacket and tie ?
In Glee who is hornier - nice boy Finn or bad lad studly Puck ? I rest my case !
I mean - would anyone want to sleep with Finn - apart from Mayor of Gaytown Kurt ???
You could probably do with a mental and appearance makeover : wear grungier clothes and try and get your pants off with a few girls this summer - even if you have to fake it.
Until you get laid - and enjoy a few beers - a few times you will continue to radiate saintly - and boring - innocence..... That way permanent virginity lies .....
A
male
reader, mrantarctica  +, writes (11 June 2010):
 you're still playing the victim.
if youre anything like me (and you sound a lot like me) - youre problem is that you don't meet enough girls.
the reality is that the majority of people socialize by going to clubs. im not going to get into a conform vs rebel debate - but if you exclude yourself from such pastimes - you will effectively reduce the number of girls you meet by 50% do the math.
it sounds like you want to meet girls just like you. your best shot is thru the church (or similar), through aid agencies, volunteer groups or youth groups
a lot of your qualities are things someone has to know you to appreciate. superficial qualities are important for attraction. things like how you look, your disposition, your overall stance, your clothing is all important in generating an impression.
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A
male
reader, Eners01 +, writes (11 June 2010):
Eners01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI apologize for coming off as "self righteous". My only reason for listing those attributes was to give a true description on what goes on in my mind. I definitely have negative flaws which everyone has.
To be honest my self esteem is pretty low =/, and I'm kind of scared of rejection most of the time.
I never realized but ya, that Martyr syndrome seems pretty accurate. I guess in the back of my mind I always thought "treat those how you want to be treated". So I treated someone well I'd expect them to be at least courteous and TRY and treat me as well as they possibly can.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Well ...im gonna go new age on your ass...like attracts like...we attract that which we radiate.
From reading what you wrote, i would gather that you place a lot of emphasis on looks..Mr I have been called "good looking"...you work out... thats great, but it does not ignite any fires now does it.
You say you do get a few glances..thats merely physical, you are searching for something more ?
Well Id say that you lack passion..just a feeling I have..
women are attracted to men who are passionate about something...men that ooze passion from their pores...I suggest that when you find love for something ... when this passion for cooking or photography or writing or sports or whatever..when that passion oozes from your pores..then you will attract that which you seek.
Good Luck
Be the change you wish to see in the world
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Because none of the qualities you mention are obvious.
What is obvious (and attractive) is a guy that is confident, outgoing, funny and charming. That kind of man you can spot across the room, by the way he stands, by the way he moves, and because there's several people standing around him paying him attention and laughing at his jokes.
Intelligent, monogamous, nice, ethical: those are the things about someone you only realize after you know them.
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A
male
reader, mrantarctica +, writes (10 June 2010):
You come across as self righteous and arrogant in your question which is a direct contradiction to your statement of humility.
Try cutting some girls some slack. Get to know them before you judge them. If you've been in relationships with these girls and even after a while, they're only interested in a purely physical relationship - that says as much about you as it does about them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Seriously, there is nothing in your question that says 'fun' or 'exciting'.
You're too serious, I think you've taken the 'no games, no sleeping around' thing too far and have lost that predatory instinct women like in guys. Girls do want a guy that treats them right and respects them, but you also have to balance that with making them feel wanted through your actions.
It's very, very hard to find a girl when you're looking for a serious relationship by the way. The initial stages of most relationships are about casual fun slowly growing into a serious relationship.
When you're looking for something serious then you'll be acting serious, trying too hard to impress and weighing up the girl's potential as a girlfriend too much.
Have you ever though that maybe you're attracting this kind of girl because the nice girl might find you out of their league? If you are an attractive guy then that's possible. You could be the male version of a hot girl that only gets attention from sleazy guys, because the nice guys are suffering from 'out of my league' syndrome and only the bad boys will even try.
Ignore looks from girls and stop looking for signs of interest before you go over and talk to a girl, you see a girl you like just go over and start talking to her. Next time you're in a bar look around, you see the girl that's sitting composed, queitly talking and laughing with her friends, having fun but not dancing on the tables or being constantly hounded by guys? She's the nice girl go over and talk to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Why on earth are you paying any attention to what women say they want? Forget their words. Pay attention to what actually works on them.
Lesson#1: Being a nice guy is not an asset.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 June 2010):
It's a case that you might be attracted to the wrong woman as well. I'm a nice guy (I hope), and just a few years ago I wondered why I couldn't get a girlfriend. So I sat down and looked at myself, and decided that I was attracted to girls that I wanted to 'rescue'. I changed that and went for a different type, and found a girlfriend. The point is, you could be suffering from the martyr syndrome. You want to be loved, so you are attracted to women that you can try to 'rescue', those that are flawed and need changing. Look at the type you're attracted to, and then change the type.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Because you secretly ain't attracted to the right type at all?
Opposites attract. Nice guy, nice girl == dull as hell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): I find it funny the nice guy end up with the bad girls and the nice girl ends up with the bad guy.
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