A
male
age
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*oePaul
writes:I'm well over 50 and work with a lovely girl in her late 20s. We have always got along very well but due to the age gap and personal circumstances I've never made a pass at her and never would. I'm married and she has a long term boyfriend, who she will marry next year.At any work's social events I tend to end up in her company and thoroughly enjoy it and she seems fine with me.It was our Christmas party last week and inevitably I was with her quite a lot of the evening. Towards the end of the evening I asked another colleague to take some photos of us and I've ended up with about 10 photos of us together. Reviewing them it's blindingly obvious that they are of two people who are very happy to be in each other's company.However, when I asked her the next day if she's like to see the photos, she declined saying she'd rather stick to her own memories of the evening. This has baffled me. I can only assume she feels some sort of guilt.Is it that simple or is there another factor at play ?Thanks
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male
reader, JoePaul +, writes (30 December 2015):
JoePaul is verified as being by the original poster of the question@female anon: It's a shame you didn't understand my original post when I said :"I've never made a pass at her and never would."Let me rephrase that for you:"I've never hit on her and never would."This is my last post on this topic but feel free to have one last rant. :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2015): It's female anon, OP.
Truth hurts, doesn't it?
Men like you are a dime a dozen. Sorry if that hurts. It's just the truth.
If I had a dime for every time I got hit on by an older married guy throughout my life I'd be a very rich girl.
I am now in my mid 40's and I got hit on by a 62 year old about 2 years ago who is now my boyfriend. He too was married at the time.
He lucked out.
Most don't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2015): @jls022: thanks for taking the time to reply. Plenty to consider there.
@anonymous: why do you think I’m in my 60s? I assume you have chosen anonymity so as to be mildly abusive. Nobody else felt the need for any of that. I will indeed “Keep dreaming” and that’s all I will do. Human Resources won’t be getting involved anytime soon unless asking somebody if they’d like to see some xmas party photos is now a sackable offence. :-)
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 December 2015):
I have just turned 30 and one of my best friends at work is a 57 year old man who I've sat next to for years. We get on brilliantly and I really enjoy his company, but in the sense that I think of him as my 'work Dad'. It's never entered my mind that he might think of me in any other way and to be honest the very idea horrifies me! I mean he's only a year younger than my actual Dad and he's married!! I don't mean to be cruel, but I don't know any women my age who would even think of having sex with someone the same age as our parents - it's quite frankly creepy!
What is sad to me about your post, is that I think one of the reasons me and the man at my work get on so well is because he is double my age and married, so I see him as 'safe' to be friends with without fear of him taking it the wrong way. Yet here you are doing exactly that with your colleague.
I think if you crossed any sort of line or gave her any indication that you think of her in a sexual way at your Christmas party, she's probably now really freaked out. Her nice, supposedly happily married work Dad has turned into yet another creepy old man and not only that, but appears to have no respect for her relationship either. Talk about a let down! I think that's why she's not interested in seeing the pictures either - because she's trying to forget about it and show you in no uncertain terms that you should too.
As other aunts have pointed out, it's time you stop focussing on this woman and turn your attentions back to your wife where they belong (or leave her if you're unhappy). And also consider how this embarrassing behaviour looks to everyone else too - if I thought my Dad was acting this way towards women my age I'd be appalled!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2015): Keep dreaming.For a man in his 60's this behaviour is quite juvenile and immature not to mention highly inappropriate for a myriad of reasons.The fact you are here shows clearly that you are interested in this GIRL and ARE secretly hoping someone will tell you she likes you. And someone did allude to that. But I have to disagree.People you work with become familiar and a comfortable comradery develops. That is all. Just because you enjoy someone's company does not mean you want to jump their bones in the bedroom. It could mean just that. Enjoying someone's company on a purely platonic and professional level.She is young enough to be your daughter. For you to even entertain this is rather creepy. And I am sure if you give her these vibes she is going to back off even further.You are married. Are you another aging and insecure player who is starting to lose his hair, getting a little saggy around the middle and is looking for the attention of s pretty young thing to boost his self esteem and fragile ego?I suggest you look to your WIFE for that. And start focusing on her. And your MARRIAGE. These harmless crushes if left unchecked could cause you a lot of problems. When I was her age I had plenty of older men hit on me. I was actually repulsed and had a good laugh about them with all my girlfriends. It sounds to me like her interest in you is professional and yes, she may enjoy your company and "like" you but she likes you as a "fatherly figure" and nothing else. I suspect she knows you fancy her and she is uncomfortable with this and get actions are showing she is trying to keep a comfortable distance while not bring overt or hurting your feelings or having to take it a step further and bringing your potential "harassment" to the attention of Human Resources.If I were you I would back off. Stop spending so much time around her which in turn feed your distorted thoughts and wishes about her. You are in control of your actions. Change the dialogue you have going on your own mind and start the new year off with this "crush" in the rear view mirror.No good will ever come of it.
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A
male
reader, JoePaul +, writes (21 December 2015):
JoePaul is verified as being by the original poster of the question@flower89: thank you for your feedback. There's some useful stuff to consider but as they say "have you met my wife?". :-)
@Been there Now over it: thanks. She's definitely not busy as it's xmas and she leaves for another job early in the New Year.
@AuntyBimBim: Thank you. "in like Flynn" ? I certainly don't assume that at all, quite the opposite. She stayed with me until the end of the party. She left another party to join me. If she wasn't enjoying herself she had plenty of excuses to leave.
@mystiquek: Thanks. Yes, I will let it go.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (21 December 2015):
 I believe it would be best to respect her wishes and let it go. If you push it, you could make things very uncomfortable for both of you. Whatever her reasons are..respect them.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 December 2015):
 You appear to be assuming that, despite her plans to marry her long term boyfriend, if you decided to ignore your personal circumstances and made a pass at her that you would be "in like Flynn"
Guilt? Why should she be feeling guilty? Its possible she has memories of the evening that you don't share ......... its also possible she is aware she does not share your opinion that a special connection exists and prefers to remember moments from the evening she shared with people other than you.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (20 December 2015):
Tisha and Ruby have good points. Another possibility is that she feels guilty about having a good time with you and doesn't want to be reminded thru photos. Or perhaps she worries that with that many photos, at least one will get to her boyfriend.
Personally, I have no interest in seeing photos of me that are recent. Perhaps she has the same attitude.
Finally, perhaps she was busy with work that she wanted to complete.
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A
male
reader, JoePaul +, writes (20 December 2015):
JoePaul is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the replies.
@RubyBirtle: I don't think that's it but you never know.
@Tisha-1: Your answer is probably spot on. I will back off. "collegial" is a great word but certainly doesn't describe my feelings. :-)
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A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (20 December 2015):
 You asked her the next day? Was she hungover? I know when I'm hungover i go into Auto pilot and only do what I have to anything else can wait.
Another point when your girl and been drinking on a night out, you don't want to see any pictures of the night, until you have reviewed them yourself. "Beer fear" term used amongst people my age.
Don't stress its only photographs, besides your married so no lines with her should be crossed!
I'm in my late 20s and if a married man your age gave me signs he liked me, I'd be poilet but I'd be uncomfortable, no way would I date you, you are married so that says creep thinking of doing that to his wife. Then prob laugh with my mates, oh God he is obessing over pics of me now, eek. But I work with you so have no option but to be nice.
Sorry you asked, take that time & energy you are stressing for this girl and focus on your WIFE!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2015):
 It could be that she senses you have more feelings for her than merely collegial, and simply isn't interested in allowing those feelings to grow in any way.
If you press her on this, she will conclude that she was correct in her assumptions.
Be happy you had a nice time at the party and let it go.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (20 December 2015):
Maybe she just hates the way she looks in photographs?
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