A
female
age
41-50,
*atisfied
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years.. We both brought children into the relationship. Things transpired and we both ended up cheating on eachother. Her's was physical, and mine was disrespectful also. She cheated on me with two of her exes and a teenager. (Yes under 18). Mine you we are both in our 30s. I cheated on her with a dude. Over text messages and I did go to his house but nothing occured. She kissed her ex and brought her to where we live. Once we broke up and she packed her bags and went down the street to her other exes house to "spend" the night. That all happened over 2 years ago. Now we are trying to work things out but there is no trust. I am always being accused of liking men, or my ex or her stud friends. I can't look around if we are anywhere because I am supposedly looking at everyone.. Especially men!! I don't get it. I have been gay since I was 17. I am 31 now. When she was still straight I was out and proud.. Why does she always accuse me of everything? Why doesn't she understand that we both were wrong and we need to move on in order to make it.. And this woman is the person that I really want to be with. Help me to understand!!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Have you truly forgiven each other for the past issues? That's the most important action, if you really want to move forward. You both cheated, hers physical, and yours emotional, but not any less wrong than a physical affair. Cheating is simply taking part of you that should be extended to her and giving that to someone else. So your emotional affair, you were extending that part of you where it should not have gone.
I want you two to simplify your relationship, by looking at it differently. She's really not obligated to you, and you're not to her, you are with each other because that's where you choose to be. Either one of you can change your mind, and not be there, but while you are together, it is destroying your relationship by assuming the other would or has changed their mind. If she were to change her mind tomorrow, it'd be okay for her to do so. It'd hurt, but it would be her choice, just as if you were to. So instead of assuming, allow each other the opportunity to make your own choices, TODAY you choose to be together, so love and live today. Tomorrow, you'll choose the same, so love and live that day. Don't focus on the possibility that either of you can choose different. If she says, damn she has a nice ass about someone else, if it's true, agree, and go home with her and love each other just the same. People will look, it's in our nature, not to replace who we are with, but because it's hard to hide everyone from our view.
I think because of the problems you two had before, she understands how easy it would be to be replaced by someone else, and is living with that fear. Reinforce daily and often, that you are with her, and by choice. Realistically, if you wanted to be with someone else, would you be there now?
I hope this helps.
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