| A
male
,
*arry
writes: Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over six months, we are very much in love, and both 17. She says she wants to have sex with me, but doesn't want to risk pregnancy, because she says she has bad luck and that she wants to wait to get birth control, which she will have to talk to her mother about. We're both virgins, but I want to "do it" with her very very badly. It's very hard waiting when I've got girls that I know for a fact I could sleep with, but this whole time I've been saving myself for her. I really really love her and want her to be the only girl I'm with, but this temptation is becoming very difficult to say no to. What can I do to get her to sort of hurry up with it?
View related questions:
both virgins Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ourchosenpaths +, writes (7 February 2006):
 I know just how you feel man, it's a really difficult thing to bear. You can't really hurry her up, because ultimately it's her decision how and when you guys have sex. If you don't love her enough to stay with her without sex, then you shouldnt be with her, so don't waste her time. If you're willing to be the better person and stick with her until she's ready. Don't make a huge deal of it, and it wont be a huge deal to her either. If you need a way for her to approach her mother, suggest that she says to her mother that she wants to use birth control pills to regulate her period, not for sex, cause that's their actual purpose.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): having sex is a very big step for everyone, but especially girls, don't pressure her, show you love her and are willing to wait for her until she is ready. if you try it on to much she may get scared and leave you, or just do it to keep you happy, which, if you love her, is not what you want. you should be both be ENTIRELY comfortable with the idea, don't rush it, and when you finally get it, you will be glad you waited, if you just want sex then go for one of those girls who would be willing, if you want sex with her, then wait until she's ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (3 February 2006):
 She sounds like she is not yet ready to make the big jump to a full on sexual relationship and you should not be pressurising her, going on the pill is a big commitment as it is a drug you are introducing into your system and although it is very good at preventing pregnancy it is not ffolproof, you can forget to take it, be on medication that reduces its effectivness, if you have a bug and are sick it maynot work, and it does not protect you from sexually transmitted desease.
At 17 she does not need her mothers concent but it is good that she feels she wants to talk this all over with her mum as it is a major step for her.
I would suggest you talk to her and find out if she is afraid of getting pregnant, going on the pill, upsetting her mum, or loosing her vaginity.
You need to be prepared to use condoms if she does not want to use the pill, or for double safety (( asnd peice of mind) use both.
If you wnat to go off with these girls that will give you sex then go, but it will be the end of the relationship with the girl you say you love and will they really sleep with you or are they just teasing.
Have a chat to your girlfriend and have a good long think about all of this, do what is right.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 February 2006):
 I'm in two minds about this.
My first thought is simply: OK, then. YOU bring the contraceptive foam and condoms, and save her the agony of discussing her sex life with Mum. Birth control? Check! Problem solved.
But on rereading, I wonder if she's really as keen to have sex as she claims she is. It begins to look like she's saying Yes to keep you around, but she's not really as confident and enthusiastic about it as you are.
Are you sure that you're not leaning on her a bit over this issue? Yes, I know how important -- even URGENT -- the desire for sex is, but if you're obsessing about penetrative sex every time you two get together, then she might be feeling pressured to act like she wants it too, just to keep you from heading off to find those manifold other girls who are clamouring to sleep with you.
How much sexual contact have you two had thus far? Have you tried masturbating each other and oral sex, and all the fun variations that don't require penetration? You've done the chocolate body paint and erotic massages with scented oils, yadda yadda yadda? Are you sick of dreaming up new ideas already? Or is this just about hurrying up and losing your virginity to each other?
Maybe you need to stop hyperventilating over this quite so much and think about whether full-on sex is so important that you're willing to coerce a possibly-unwilling girlfriend into doing something she's not yet sure about. Try a bit more experimentation with her. Have some other kinds of sex together and see how she feels and whether it's a case of real concern about pregnancy, or just first-time nerves. (Better bring the foam and condoms, just in case she decides it's on.)
However it turns out, remember that each of you has equal responsibility for contraception. You probably should also have a good talk about what you'd do if there's a slip up and she's does fall pregnant. You'd hate to find out you hold diametrically opposing views AFTER she's pregnant, right?
Finally, you might need to remind yourself that No means No. If she's really not into it, then go look up that horde of horny hussies if you really feel you need to, and let them solve your problem. But don't ever pressure the girl you claim you love, OK?
Take care!
...............................
|
