A
female
age
36-40,
*razylady
writes:I'm newly married for 3 months n I'm 22 and my husband is 30. I was a virgin when I married him and he is not. From what he says he's had many girlfriends and had sex with lots of people, obviously he went through that clubbing and player stage. Personally I dont care about his past but it defiantly affected me mentally. I dont know if I'm making myself unconfterbale with having sex with him and the thought of other women or the comments and actions he does to make me feel this way.we probably have sex about 2-3 times a week or once a week. it varies. Once it was 1 time on 2 weeks almost. I think that its not normal considering were newlyweds.I feel like since I dont have experience I dont know what I'm doing and he's been realy nice at telling me what to do for certain positions. But I feel like I dont please him. I truly try to have sex and we do diffrent positions but he likes to do it in bed the same way all the time. And he never initiates sex, its always me trying to get him to have sex with me and its making me feel insecure even more considering I'm new. There was this one time I stripped in front of him and said let's have sex and he just stood there watching me and said nothing for a hot minute and said right now? The playoffs are on. I felt so stupid standing there for like 3 minutes or so to decided, so I took my clothes and went to bed. And when he came in an hour later he had no idea why I was upset.Another time after we finished having sex he said "wow can't believe that is the last pzy I will see" honestly? I flipped on him as well. Who says that to there wife? So anyways he is affectionate with me on a daily bases but I dont get why I always have to be the one to get him to do it with me. And when we do sometimes he doesnt kiss me when I'm on time and he just watches, I feel so awkward because there's no foreplay along with it, its like do it and get it over with, if I ask him let's have sex he's like sure and if you want he says! Umm realy I'm trying to please you, I can care less about sex right now. So I dont get it? Is it me because I'm thinking too much? Is he just conceded? I mean I know he's had crazy sex before he always brags about it, especially when he says how wives should be good cooks and good house wives but be whores in bed. But I threw myself at him get no reaction makes me so not confident. I mean I feel ugly and I'm a pretty girl, skinny with nice boobs and a butt so I dont get it. He's definitely not gay either. We also had someone knock on the door when we were having sex and when I asked him who it was and what they wanted when he went to go check he was I dont know can we just finish screwing please! Will an attitude. I was like ok it was just a question and I'm like go head screw me, and he got all mad and went to bed but I dont care, he can't talk to me like that while were doing it, the proper word us sex or making love not screwing, were still in our honeymoon stage and I feel like there isnt one!
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boobs, clubbing, foreplay, insecure, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, crazylady +, writes (19 May 2011):
crazylady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think he may be dealing with the 1st category. So let's hope my life gets easier, all those girl before must have screwed him but big time, and I'm dealing with the affects of it. Let's hope things change
A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Players are of 3 types----one, who rely on their Looks to get a girl.Second, who rely on their SKILLS to get a girl.Third, worst of all, who don't rely on anything and just sleep with any random girl they could get their hands on.Guys in the first category are most inexperieced and insensitive. Girls just threw themselves on them. So this way they don't learn anything to how to keep a girl. Girls themselves try hard to keep them so they become insensitive to them and take them for granted. Guys in the second category are somewhat of true players. They rely on their experiences , communication skill, seduction skills to get a girl hooked on them. They know how to please a girl in bed and outside bed. They are sensitive,charming, playful and become a natural drug to stimulate the pleasure centres in the girls mind. But it is still important to know if they are done with their player days or not?They have a bit of fun and leave the player field early to get along with the girl of their choice.Guys in third category are the worst of all males alive. They are dumped, screwed, left out for some other guy by their ex's. They are scared of getting into the dating arena again. They are true LOSERS. So they get into the playing field to somewhat reduce their pain. They are ignorant of the FACTS and don't try to improve themselves. They are afraid of the changes so choose they the easier way out .
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A
female
reader, crazylady +, writes (18 May 2011):
crazylady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea I def wanna give him a 3 strike thing, your right also about the NICE girl bit. He always said that, and his cousins to, I'm totally getting that after math feeling now. I hope thats not how he realy thinks though, then that would suck, its like I got the guy who just wants to settle down , wich obviously that's why were married but doesint mean you gotta be boring. Were young n were def make a great looking couple as well.
Oh and that night after he was rude about the whole screwing bit and he went to bed mad. We never even mentioned it the next day, its like he acts like nothing happened! Doesint even apologies. He kinda just sucked up by saying thanx for making his lunch I'm his sweetheart, hate when they try to ignore the situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): At times I wonder why such guys are lucky to land on gems like you why some of us search the entire universe to no avail. I totally understand how you feel, give him a time limit (say 3 months) in which to see a counsellor and change or else quit before you have to drag him to court for child care costs. Good luck girl, hope you become really happy in life!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): You sound like a very sweet girl and a considerate wife. He sounds like a jerk who doesn't deserve you. You are not an old bitter couple who has been together for 50 years. You are newlyweds. Drag him into counseling and if he won't go then go yourself. You don't deserve this!
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A
male
reader, krit +, writes (17 May 2011):
So do You just married or dated him cuz others thought that he was good catch. Well not a good idea to start with. He had his share of fun when he most needed it but afterwards setted with you cuz u were a nice girl who was also virgin. But Im sure he won't have even considered dating a girl before who was virgin. The Dog days are over. so he setted with a NICE girl. Trust me that's what all the so called hot players want. Mind blowing uncommited sex before marrige and just a stable relationship afterwards. But now you are facing the consequences of NO FIZZ in your marriage
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 He doesn't believe in counseling? That's one i have NEVER heard before. I'd really be interested in knowing what there is about someone giving you advice on how to make your relationship work that you can't believe in.
I think your feelings right now indicate that just having faith in God isn't going to keep you happy in this relationship!
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A
female
reader, crazylady +, writes (17 May 2011):
crazylady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx guys I will try to talk to him just two days ago I said we should go to a counceler, but he dosint believe In them. We are very religious Christians and as long as you trust in god marriage will be fine. So its gunna be tough to get the counceling. But other then that situation the marriage is fine. I've dated him all together from our first date and our wedding 1 year and a half. But we new eachother for two years. N yes he used to be that guy who just has sex with girls n leaves, apparently every girl back then always threw themselves at him cuz hes so hot. N yes he's very good looking n I no when he tells me the storys there true cuz when we first started dating every one was like wow ur his girl, its so hard to lock him down n blah blah, what did you do! So yea it got annoying but that was in the beginning.
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (17 May 2011):
Yeah, i definitely think you need to sit down and talk to him about all this. Counselling could really help. A lot of what he has said to you is degrading and really insensitive. Do you really want to live with that the rest of your life?
Definitely need to talk to him about how you feel, and if that doesn't work suggest marriage counselling. He probably won't be happy about it, but you have to tell him that you are NOT happy with how things currently are.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Wow. Why did you even marry this guy? He is super inconsiderate and insensitive.
I think he was one of those guys who had his fun in his youthful years. Banged womenm with no disregard for their feelings. Thinking he was a God because he could probably bed any girl who was drunk enough to sleep with him (Okay, I know huge presumption but its quite typical), and now that he has a wife, he feels like he does doesn't have to do any work at all and that she has to take care of him.
Honey, you need to either speak to him about this. Tell him that he needs to consider your situation and put more thought into his actions, or I suggest you see a marital counsellor.
Being newlyweds, you guys should be going at it frequently and it shouldn't feel like a chore.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (17 May 2011):
 You've been married for 3 months, but how long did you date before the wedding?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): Hugs sweetie. OMG this guy treats you like dirt. His comments are very degrading and extremely disrespectful and you waited for him? He's your first and he treats you like this? No way!
He is a horrible communicator first off and thats clearly a problem here. If he's not in the mood, he should say "Im just not into it now babe, but lets do something together." Instead of... "The playoffs are on!" Tell him how that makes you feel in a respectful way so it doesnt spark an argument. Like, "(his name) I feel like this when you say this."
The fact he has been with many women is a warning sign here. Why? Yes his past is a past and shouldnt be worried about unless something like this happens. He seems bored and out of it and very unenthusiastic. Is this your fault? Most likely not because you make a ton of effort. This seems like its his own issue therefore I think counseling could help with this. This guy doesnt seem like the type to admit his issues tho and thats probably the same for a lot of men. If you show him your marriage is suffering in this way, if the guy has any heart, he'll consider it. I know I would. You deserve a lasting, healthy, sexual marriage with him. Thats a definite.
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