A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up a year ago and now we have the same class together. He is a really nice guy who made a douche bag move when he broke it off, saying he was too busy for school, work and myself. Even though he had a new girlfriend (at the time), he messaged me months later to apologize for what he had done, saying that he felt really bad about it. Now, we are in the same class and he says nothing to me even though I know he sees me. I was thinking of saying hi to him but I just feel awkward about making the fist move. I just wish we could both be adults about it and have a nice conversation. I would like to sit next to him and catch up but since he won't even acknowledge me, that seems unlikely.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 You don't need to actively dislike people to cut them off your life- just to feel indifferent about them.
Don't be too surprised- a recent research found out that each of us can only maintain no more than 150 "friends" - or meaningful human interactions. Apparently, human brain is wired to handle, and therefore care about , approx. that number at most.
Whether this is accurate or not, yes, people do that all the time , they weed out the socials contacts which have become
devoid if interest , therefore superflous. Some people will want to stay friends with their exes, like you said- and as many people, or more in fact, will not bother.
This guy is perhaps taking this weeding out process to extremes, because surely dropping a " hi, good morning " would not kill him ! But, again, he probably does not want to give you an "in".
Because what you want is not just respectful aknowledgment- for this a polite " Hallo" would be enough. You want a tad more, you want to catch up, you want to exchange updates,...you want him to show an interest, to CARE about what's going on with you. It does not seem he'd be into that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK well maybe I should clear some things up. He broke up with his then girlfriend, he is single. I don't want to get back together with him, I have a new boyfriend now. What I want (like most people) is respect. I'm not trying to be friends but to feel less awkward when I am sitting in class but he won't even look at me. And besides we are still "friends" online, if he disliked me that much, he could have simply deleted me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 April 2011):
It's not a rule not talking to your exes.If they both want,they can talk. He does NOT want !,get it ? - he made it very clear. And, since he is an ex , is not strange or mean or inappropriate if he does not want , nor he should force himself to go against his inclinations. From the moment he officially severed your ties, he has no obligation to have any contacts with you. I agree it would be polite if he just would say "hi" , and that he SHOULD do that- but probably he is aware that you would not be content with that and would try to get friendlier and closer, and does not wish to encourage that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what just because he is an ex we are supposed to not even acknowledge each other like we don't even exist? That seems rather child-like to me. What I want is to instead of feeling awkward every day in class, is to ease the tension and have a casual conversation and I'm wondering why he hasn't even said hi. Ya'll make is seem like its a RULE not to say ANYTHING to your exes when in fact there is nothing wrong with talking(or even being friends, i know plenty of people who do that) with an old boyfriend or girlfriend! Maybe he feels bad or embarrassed about what he did, I don't know, but I know he isn't thinking "I can't talk to her because she's my EX-girlfriend" Jeez!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Re Sebaslookingforward: Yes, it might be polite to acknowledge one another's presence - EXCEPT that the OP seems to want more - she wants to "catch up" and have a "nice conversation." That could open a whole "can of worms". Her ex may suspect that's what she's attempting to do and since he has moved on, is not going to respond.OP, I agree with everyone else's comments! You should leave any thoughts of your ex where they belong: strictly in the past!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 April 2011):
Because he's an ex !
You two broke up badly, he moved on, was smart enough to acknowledge he treated you poorly and apologized. End of the story, what do should he talk to you about ?
You don't even mention him having said the classic " let's be friends" - which , anyway, rarely means anything, it's empty words that one says out of courtesy and sense of guilt. But if he did not explicitly mention his wish to catch up at some point in future, or to occasionally keep in touch- it means that he does not feel the need for that , and you should just move on.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (9 April 2011):
My question is: why don't YOU talk to him? Think the opposite way.
I certainly agree with Denise32 but it would be polite that you two said hi and ackknowledged each other's presence, in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 April 2011):
Why won't your ex talk to you?
Because he IS your ex, that's why. Thing is, when you end a relationship the idea is that you don't stay friends; you wish one another well, and then move on with your lives separately.
In your case, he obviously felt badly about the way he ended it, but had the grace to recognize that he owed you an apology, and did so.
I think that for him, having admitted he acted badly, and expressing contrition, wrapped it up, so that no further action need be taken. Which is why he doesn't sit with you or talk to you in class.
The adult thing to do now would be to accept his apology, and to not expect any further interaction with him. He has moved on; so should you. No further contact is necessary.
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