A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my boyfriend since summer 19 And he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me he’s always there for me emotionally shows me love and affection, spoils me, and is my best friend. I lost my mom to cancer in October and he has never left my side and he always does everything and anything to make me happy and feel Secure. There is one thing that really bothers me and its the most minuscule thing but I feel like if something matters to me than it should matter. I hate that he doesn’t post pictures of me on his social media. Some might said he’s probably not an active user and most might say I’m just being immature but it is something that does bother me and I just can’t help how i feel. Were together everyday, We’ve been together for 9 months and he has no picture or any evidence that I even exist. I really wanted to bring this up multiple times but I feel like it’s going to turn into a fight and I don’t want to feel stupid. What would you do in this situation? And what would you say?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2021):
 You have a great relationship, you say. Yet you are looking for FAULTS in your BF.
The one you could find was that he doesn't post pictures of you on his social media, FOR REAL? That is your issue?
You even wrote: "it's the most minuscule thing". Yes, yes it is.
If this matters SO much to you why haven't you asked him about it? Why haven't you mentioned that you would like for him to post pictures of you?
To be honest, I've been married 20+ years, I think my husband has posted pictures of me twice and he is VERY active (I don't have social media as I find it obnoxious and self-absorbed). I have told my husband not to post any more pictures of me. I don't NEED my picture plastered on the internet. I'm a private person.
Maybe your BF feels secure enough in himself and your relationship that he doesn't feel a need to post it on the internet. Maybe he is also a private person.
Now if he posts a million shirtless pictures of himself then maybe it's a little odd that he doesn't "brag" about you in pictures too. But that can also be to respect YOUR privacy.
I think you need to figure the ACTUAL reason why it bothers you. And then talk to him WITHOUT accusing him of "hiding" the relationship or being "ashamed" of you or whatever reason you are making up in your head.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2021): Typo correction:
"Does everything have to be publicized on social media?"
Maybe he feels advertising his love-life on social media is unnecessary! You're right...YOU ARE SPOILED!!!
Consider yourself blessed!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2021): "I’ve been with my boyfriend since summer 19 And he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me he’s always there for me emotionally shows me love and affection, spoils me, and is my best friend."
Soooooooooooo...why are you complaining???????
Does everything have to publicized on social media?
A great boyfriend or a dynamite-girlfriend is better-off as a well-kept secret, sweetheart!!!
For some not-so well-meaning females, "in-your-face" pics and bragging online is an open-invitation or dare to try and steal your man! Too much online photo-exposure to the public is unhealthy these days!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 March 2021):
 Forgot to add, condolences on losing your mum. x
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 March 2021):
Given all the "false happy" pictures people post on social media, I have a theory which I have often voiced, and that is that the sign of a happy relationship is no evidence of it on social media. I have been with my partner for going on 20 years and don't have a single picture of us together on social media, nor do I have any details of whether I am in a relationship. This is because my real friends know about him and it has nothing to do with social media friends. I have nothing to prove to anyone about our relationship. In my experience the ones who have photographs all over social media, telling the world how happy they are, are the ones who, in real life, are kicking seven shades of sh*t out of each other. The important thing is he treats you well. What do you have to prove to the rest of the world?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (1 March 2021):
 Like you say he may not be an active user. I don't think he is being funny or is not wanting other people to see you. He could just very well be a private person, or is respecting you as he may think you might not want to be plastered all over his social media.
However, I think that as with most things communication is key here. I think you just need to broach this subject with him in the nicest possible way and tell him how you feel.
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A
female
reader, Letlovelead  +, writes (1 March 2021):
You should first ask him in a nice way. Like "babe, don't you think it would be adorable if you could post me on your social media, probably during valentine's Day or my birthday?"
From that you would notice whether he's that type who prefers to keep his personal life private or if he's really hiding something from you.
I don't want to jump into conclusion without knowing his real reasons. Perhaps he feels you don't like those things since you haven't brought it up.
Try communicating with him, you would get to know a lot of things you didn't know about him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 March 2021):
I was married for 12 years and I'm not a very active social media user either, and to the best of my knowledge I never posted a picture of my wife and I (it's possible I posted a picture of her with my kids).
I'm just a private person, I feel like posting a lot of pictures of your private life is a little weird to me, to be honest. I'm divorced now and I don't think I'll post a picture of any gf in the future either.
You're judging him by your standards (you think that because you feel it's necessary that he should too). I don't think it means he's embarrassed by you or hiding you from other people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2021): I'm sorry for your loss.
Now, you don't say anything about your social life, as an individual and in your couple. Have you met each other's friends and family? Does he take you out with his friends? Or do you hang out alone?
I understand that for your generation social networks are as real as life, but, some people do not like to advertise their private lives to strangers, because that's what those 100s of social network contacts are - strangers. Ok you may have a few close friends or family among them, but you don't use only social networks to stay in touch with them.
If you have a REAL life together, where you are known as a couple, I wouldn't bother about the artificial one. But if you don't, now there's a problem.
Now, how would I go about it? Well, first I would need to know if he "advertised" being with his ex-girlfriends. If he didn't then I would just ask him if he minded if I posted some of our photos. If he says no problem, then you can ask him about him not posting anything about you. If he says that he would mind, then you need to talk about it.
If you feel insecure there's no amount of "security" your partner can give you. That's why it is important to separate what matters and what doesn't. Superficial stuff is just that - superficial. From what you say he sounds like a nice guy and you need to deal with your own insecurities.
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