A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My mother hasn't spoken to me in four months and last night, started laying into me, saying she wanted an apology. The fight went like this: she insulted me.. I was hurt.. I told her to back off and leave me alone.. she wants an apology for the fact I told her to back off (four months ago), of course, totally denying what she'd said originally that had hurt me so badly. My mother is alllwwayyyss the victim.When I said I would not apologise and that she is no mother to me, her and my father told me to leave the house and "never come back". My father once again called me a f*cking b*stard and said he wants nothing to do with me. The fight started up because my dad is usually someone that, on the occasional day, I can talk to about things. He only listens for a couple of minutes, but still, it's someone to talk to. I hate not being able to talk to anybody, especially being a woman. After telling him something yesterday, I later heard him relaying it to my mother. I took offense to that. I think if the woman can't stand me and treats me like I don't exist, then she has no right to ask about my business. Tell me I'm wrong?Anyway, I'm sitting here in this yucky hostel now.. with nowhere to live and I'm feeling more lonely than I've felt in my life. I really had hoped that if I was going to leave home, it would be moving in with my bf of 6 years. He's my best friend, my soulmate, the man that's been there for me throughout all the abuse, but then you could argue that if he was willing to make a commitment and move IN with me, I wouldn't be having to deal with all of this.If you can understand, me leaving home alone is confirmation to me that my bf doesn't love me enough or think I'm worthy enough to live with. I see all those happy couples out there making homes. We talk about it, I've told him how I feel over many years. He says he's keen, but nothing happens. I don't want to force him into it! I want it to be his choice. He knows how I feel. Because he has a cushy living arrangement, there's no urgency with him to do anything. I know he loves me, but then I find myself questioning it. How can he stand to see me going through all this when he could make a home with me?I feel absolutely and utterly alone. I'm tired of feeling rejected and unloved. Plz help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Thanks for your advice you two. Yes KC, I have posted before and I'm embarrassed to admit that. Posting on here and being able to talk to people about it makes me feel comforted. I admit I haven't moved out of home sooner thinking something would work out or believing things would get better. I know that I haven't done much to help the situation though, you're right. But it's not out of laziness, it's out of fear. It feels so overwhelming and I am whittled down everyday by insults. I know that's no excuse though. No one in my life would know what I'm dealing with and my friends would have no idea I'm living on my own in a hostel. I come on and write something on this site when I'm in absolute despair. I always feel so much happier when I hear from people who have been in this situation and learn about how they coped. I will have to conquer my fears and take your advice. Thanks.
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (24 June 2011):
the first thing i would do is find somewhere to live on your own that way no one can tell you what to do and you can whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it as for your boyfriend i wouldnt worry men are creatures of habit and are scared of commitment im sure one day your boyfriend will come round to the idea of moving in together when he feels ready maybe try talking to him and tell him how you feel he might just surprise you
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Your question is incredibly similar to this one http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-should-i-do-about-my-family-they.html
And this one
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-the-perfect-child-yet-my-family-loves.html
And this one
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-dream-wedding-will-never-happen-because-of.html
And I know I have seen many more all along a very similar theme with the horrible family and the boyfriend who wont move in with you.....If you are not the same person (which I hugely doubt because they are all from a female around the same age) then I strongly suggest you read all the advice given on these posts, it should help.
As I have said in that first post - your boyfriend sounds pretty useless and obviously does not want to commit to you, so I think it really is time to move on unfortunately. If he loved you, and saw you were hurting so much because of your family he would have happily moved in with you. But clearly he doesnt want to - and you are just going to have to accept that.
Again in response to that first post I have linked to, I told her (or you if it is the same person) - you need to take responsiblity for yourself and move out, get your own home and stop waiting for your boyfriend to fix your life. You can rent a place by yourself, or you can find a houseshare - houseshares are much cheaper if you are worried about money.
Your family are awful and I dont know why, it is unfortunate yes and must really hurt but there is nothing you can do about them - you have to leave the family home, especially at your age - you should have moved out years ago.
So sort your own life out - yes you have had a bad time and it is very sad, but you have to stop wallowing in self pity now and sort yourself out! Only you are responsible for your happiness, and if you are not happy only you can change that. Your boyfriend is never going to give you what you want, so you have to fix your own problems now. He is not a knight in shining armour coming to rescue you - you are on your own and need to deal with this yourself.
Find somewhere to live, whether it is alone or in a houseshare - and the main problem will be solved. Dont sit in a hostel feeling sorry for yourself, that is not going to get you anywhere. Search online for some places to live, go view a few and then start the process of moving in.
Once you have sorted your living situation out, then you can decide what to do with your boyfriend. Personally I think he sounds like a bit of a jerk - sitting by and watching your girlfriend of 6 years be treated like this and allowing it to get so bad that she has to end up in a hostel is just appalling, if he really cared he would never allow this to happen. He is so afraid of committment and so selfish that he would probably let you end up on the streets rather than move in with you. Is that really the sort of man you want to be with?
Yes you might love him, but clearly your feelings for him are far stronger than his feelings for you.
But get your living situation sorted first, then you can think about whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. He is not going to move in with you, so you need to accept this and sort your own accomodation out, if you wait for your boyfriend to say he wants to move in with you you will be waiting in that hostel forever.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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