A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy who I met on a dating site for two months. He actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. Our dates were really fun at first, we seemed pretty compatible. I've even met his friends and they all liked me but he was definitely the quietest out of them all. I suppose he treated me well but he never even gave me a compliment! I'm definitely not used to dating shy guys. After about a month or so of going out, he became very distant and seemed terrified to talk to me. He said he would call me but didn't for two and a half weeks! He finally messaged me and asked me out last week, I didn't reply because I wanted to ask him what was going on so I called him but he never picked up and still hasn't called back. Now I see that he is back on the dating site. What's up with this guy? Why would he lead me on like that? Also, we never had sex, I didn't think he was the type that just wanted to get laid but was I wrong?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Simple , OP, because he was somewhat attracted to you ( otherwise he would not have have even bothered with asking you out once ) but not particularly , not specially. It does not mean that he has to be head over heels to want a relationship, but it may very well mean that , in his scale of " like " , you were , say, a 6, or a 7 - and then he has met other girls whom he liked at 8. Or, that he will gladly hang out for afew dates with a 7, but to commit to a relationship, he is looking for someone who he likes at least at 8.
Don't be surprised , OP, what happened is quite frequent. First, that you would start a serious relationship on the base of a "normal " attraction is fine, but It does not mean that everybody would do the same, some people needs a special spark to carry things on.
Second, this happens a lot on dating sites, people get affected by the kid in the candy store syndrome : girl A is pretty good, sure, but ...maybe if they keep looking, out there there's girl B ( or C, or D ) who could be even much better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your input. I really did like him, was I head over heels for him? No. But I thought that he was a really nice guy who I found attractive out of all the other guys on that profile. I guess what I really don't understand is why he didn't want to take things further and be with me. I was really sweet and kind to him and I hoped he wouldn't crush my feelings like everyone in the past had. Is this the dating norm now? I know that when I am attracted to someone (which I know he was to me) and when I like someone's personality (which I know he did), why not have a relationship? I mean its not like its a marriage proposal.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Ok so he "stated he wanted a relationship" I assume that means a generic statement and not one specific to you.
unless he said specifically he wants a relationship with you, then he did nothing wrong.
He met you, he dated you, he discovered you were not a good enough fit and he faded away. Seems normal and natural.
I'm not saying YOU are not GOOD ENOUGH but that the chemistry you two had was not good enough. There is a big difference between the two.
Dating is about finding the right person... think of it as picking a cantaloupe at the grocery store, you have to thump a lot of melons to find one that feels right...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): It's just dating OP, he did't lead you on unless he said he wanted a relationship with you.
OP dating is about testing the compatibility of a potential partner and having fun. If either of those conditions aren't met then you're free to call it a day and keep looking.
It's nothing personal OP it's just how dating goes. Sometimes you meet a great person you think you get on great with, they don't feel that way about you and then it ends. Sometimes it happens the other way around, sometimes neither of you want to continue seeing each other.
This is part of the game OP, it's disappointing of course but it's nothing major.
His disinterest is obvious OP, he's just not that into you. Oh well, onto the next one.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 April 2013):
He did not " lead you on ", unless he has made you specific promises that you don't mention in your post. In fact, he had a hard time even complimenting you, so I think you might have assumed a keen interest that wasn't there. Taking you on dates and showing to enjoy your company, is not leading you on, - after all, you are probably a nice, personable , attractive girl, otherwise he would not even have asked you out to begin with. Hanging out a few times ( not many , I guess, in a month ) and having a decent , or even good , time with your date does not mean that you are smitten, or committed. Least of all on dating sites ! Dating sites are not necessarily the devil, and I know people who found the right person on them... but, the way they work, per se, leaves you open to letdowns and disappointments , if you take these things too seriously. People contact and flirt with and date three, four, ten different "candidates " at the time... and may the best man ( or woman ) win. He may have felt SOME interest at first, then someone else caught his eye or his fancy or he found her more suitable to him... and then he was not willing to invest much time and energy on you. Sort of lost steam and just let things fade away.
Granted , he did not handle very smoothly or politely- but it's all in a days' work for dating sites. It's not that you can't EVER find someone really interested on them, it's just that you 'd better not put your hopes too high too soon, and not assume the deal is done just because of a couple of nice dates. Remember that ,best case scenario, there may be other " contenders " .And, worst case scenario, lots of people goes on dating sites just as a hobby, to kill time, ( and waste yours ) -no matter how "serious " they say they are about starting a relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): He's doing what every other guy does on dating sites. Serial dating. He dated you until he lost interest. You have to understand; just because someone says they're looking for a relationship, it doesn't mean it's with you.
You may date a few guys and like them. It doesn't necessarily mean you want a committed relationship. He's really cute, spends a lot of cash on a date; drives a Beamer; but he scratches his privates in public. He
chews with his mouth open. You can't believe that toxic smell in the car after you had Thai food. Not a keeper.
Now you've got to figure out a way to get away without looking like a prima donna. How should he take that?
It has to be the right guy for you. You don't go on a website expecting these men to become instantly devoted to you; because he took you out on a few great dates. They have great profiles. Every tube of toothpaste on TV is the leading brand. So is every guy's profile on dating sites.
Dating is a way to get to know people. Spend some time, and see if any chemistry develops. You give it more time if it feels good, but sometimes there is no chemistry. Therefore; you try to end it as delicately as you can. The problem is, people don't take rejection very well.
Many people attach their feelings just on the premise you've had a few successful dates. Yearning for a perfect connection. Reading every kiss or touch as a definite sign this means this person is the one. That's a little desperate. Feelings develop over time and they should be mutual.
"He says he likes me," not to be misconstrued with "love." Hold back your feelings until he shows significant signs that he is developing serious feelings. Let him prove those feelings. Actions speak louder than words; but allow him to show you in his own time. Don't rush it in eagerness.
Men are expected to be romantic, polite, and accommodating on a date. He is expected to take you places, introduce you to his friends, and share bits of his life with you. He may find you extremely attractive, and show you a lot of attention as a result. This hot girl likes me! Wait until the guys see her! They said I couldn't find a date unless I paid one. I've got living proof!
Now the grim reality. He may be looking for something in a woman he doesn't find in you; although he may have given it some time to see if he could develop feelings. Sometimes this doesn't happen. Does that make him a bum? Is there really a way to end it and not hurt your feelings?
Most people like to text and send e-mails. They assume frequent and immediate responses to messages means a relationship has developed. If there is a lag in response time; immediate panic results. Unless he is your official boyfriend, he is just a guy you're dating. He's lucky you give him the time of day. Yet days pass, not a word.
Granted, not returning calls is rude. Deliberately showing a lack of interest is even worse; but that's when you should see red flags. You put on your prettiest boots, and prepare to kick him to the curb.
You accept that this is going no where, and you beat him to the draw. You politely let him know that you don't believe he is truly interested, and you send him on his way. Ending any further contact. NEXT!
You really have no time to waste on a jerk who lets a week go by, then calls because all his prospects have dried up.
Don't make excuses for him, or offer him benefit of the doubt. It's undeserved. Not a keeper.
There are no definite or distinct rules in the dating game.
You're going to kiss a lot of frogs, then a few toads, and
don't leave out salamanders; before you find the right guy for you. Don't accept any of the blame. Fault their parents for creating these slimy jerks.
I've given you a few jewels to place in your crown. Use them to your advantage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Why doesn't he want a relationship?...because he probably feels as vague and humdrum about you as you do about him. It's not as if you seem particularly interested in him beyond him complimenting or calling you. You haven't even said one sentence about how you feel about him. Do you even like this guy? You've only mentioned his friends like you. Perhaps he noticed the same sort of thing I did in your post?
Perhaps it was cowardly that he didn't just say he didn't want to see you anymore, but he wasn't leading you on. Perhaps it's immature that he never picked up your phone call, but I wouldn't pretend you're heart broken over it...he's only hurt your pride. When you date, and ESPECIALLY when you online date, you've got to grow a thick skin to the many people you'll meet who just don't like you. He just didn't click with you, but it doesn't sound like you liked him either, so why not go back online and find someone else?
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