A
female
age
41-50,
*OLVEIG29
writes:Seeking support after boyfriend of 2 years ended it rather callously. I was working in a foreign country for 6 weeks to regain my confidence after a horrid time in my previous job. 3 weeks in I called him to express how I was feeling frustrated with my life and how I wanted him and me to start planning for our future. I explained how he was the only thing keeping me in England and if we had no future I would leave uk and try to get my life back.Straightaway he said that he didn't want to move the relationship forward because he felt 'overwhelmed' by my strong personality and the only thing to do is to split up. I was so angry I told him he was taking the easy way out and hung up on him. I was unable to phone him back from the place I was at (rural) so I texted to apologise for hanging up. It was our 2 year anniversary. Two days later he texted to say he was sure about his decision to break up with me. I texted him to say how sad I felt and how i had thought of him as my future husband etc but he ignored me. I suggested meeting when i got home to talk even though we were breaking up as i felt it was ridiculous to end a 2 year relationship over the phone when one of us is thousands of miles away. Another day later he texted to say that it was the last text he would send me and the last text he would read from me. He didn't want to see me again - he wanted a clean break and that was that.That was the last i heard from him. On june 18th we had said goodbye as a couple at the airport as i set off for my work assignment, i never knew that was the last time i would see him. I'm finding it hard to get over the cruelty. We're not children, I'm 29, he is 36 though I am independent while he still lives with his parents. When i met him he was a 34 yr old jobless virgin but i gave him the chance. I should have run the other way. I've had others before him but i was the first and only woman who gave him the chance. Most women tended to prefer to laugh at him than sleep with him.To my mind only a sociopath could cut off their feelings for someone like that. We had met each others families, friends - i thought we were serious, certainly it looked that way to anybody. He made me think we were serious. I'm struggling to understand how we can be embedded in each others lives like a serious marriage potential couple one minute and then be wrenched away like it never happened the next. He told his friends he was afraid of conflict with me and that is why he cut me off. He also had the cheek to tell them that he phrased his texts in such a way that i would know the relationship was over and he wouldn't give me false hope! What a load of crap. I'm happy to break up, I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off me, I instigated the conversation that led to the break up! It's just that there didn't need to be all this bad feeling, we could have talked and parted amicably. I feel so upset and angry. I'm enraged he's treated me this way and part of me wants to kill him! I also wonder who the hell he really was. Would a man who told me he loved me for 2 years treat me with such contempt? I guess i'm going through the anger phase now with a smattering of grief. All support and advice greatly appreciated. Thanks,Jxx
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female
reader, SOLVEIG29 +, writes (16 August 2008):
SOLVEIG29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much - i found your reply really helpful! I wanted to rate it 5 but the stars disapppeared when i clicked on the first one! I should have clicked on the fifth! When you see my rating - it's a 5 not a 1! You're spot on in your assessment of him, he totally is a little boy and I'm pretty confident by comparison. And boy am I angry with him! You're right - it was doomed from the start. I don't know why I thought it could work. Sometimes they can be very convincing. Thank you for an insightful helpful reply. Now where's thst pillow........?!!!! xx
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