A
female
age
30-35,
*craved Fin
writes:Met this guy a month ago and he’s been pursuing me for awhile. First night we met up he cooked and baked cookies for us. he begged me to come over again and i did. But the second time i ended up spending the night and we had sex. I stayed again this week. But he’s being wishy washyHe asks me weird questions like “why you didn’t text me yesterday?” Or why didn’t you give me a hug when i walked in?” “ why you don’t bring extra clothes over so you can spend the night?”When he’s in the phone with his friends he’ll say things like “my boo is over here right now so i can’t come over”He lays on me and cuddles my legs He asks to buy me food when he goes out And if he goes out he begs me to ride with himTL:DR; The problem is he always puts the ball in my court for spending time with one another... so i don’t think he likes me. And he is also somewhat flaky
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female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (8 May 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow is it manipulating me?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): I second YouCannotBeSerious. This is just how my abusive ex was with me. I see it as a controlling, manipulative situation. To get you used to being with him every second, to get you to act how he wants you to act i.e. always hug him when you arrive, to go wherever he goes. My abusive ex ALWAYS shopped for us, cooked for us, NEVER went out and came home without buying me something, got upset if I didn't hold his hand while he was driving, would ask me in a strange way why I hadn't called/texted him, why I hadn't bought HIM something, if I had gone out etc etc. It was suffocating.
It sounds wonderful at first, but it wasn't. He was training me to always be thinking about him if I wasn't with him. To have my dinner with him EVERY night because he had already cooked it, to be in touch with him every day, to always have to consult him about everything, in short for the relationship to become very enmeshed, i.e. the one doesn't even breathe without the other in the end.
It's controlling and manipulative. If people haven't suffered abuse, they wont recognise this as such. But in my opinion, this IS the beginning. Leave and find someone who doesn't ring your alarm bells over his weird behaviour.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp  +, writes (6 May 2020):
Whatever the ins and outs of this situation, why don't you just admit this guy is not right for you and walk away? You are wasting your own time and his by pretending you are into him by having sex with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): It is as simple as this. He loves you but you dont love him. He thinks you are the one but you dont think he is the one. He also seems to be inexperienced and probably you are the first serious gf he has. I honestly think this relationship is doomed. My advice tell him the truth how you feel about him as soon as possible and let him go. It will hurt him but he will get over it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): I don't think he's the only one flaky in this situation.
If you're having second-thoughts; just let him know things aren't going to workout, and you don't feel any connection being made between you. Also tell him that the questions he asked seemed a bit off; and you believe everything happened too quickly.
If you're not into the guy, tell him so. Don't string him along. If he's wishy-washy, it's because he's picking-up weird signals from you as well.
It boils down to this. You both had sex too soon; and you don't know each other that well.
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A
female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (5 May 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow is he controlling
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 May 2020):
 The right time to have asked questions like that would have been well before you jumped into bed with him.
He's "flaky" (your words) and "insecure". Why are you even seeing him again, let alone having sex with him?
My take on this situation is slightly different to yours. I don't think he is "insecure". I think he is a control freak. The questioning will get more and more demanding. He will try to control your every move. Next will come things like "Why do you need to spend time with your friends when you have me?" and "Why do you need your family when you have me?"
In your shoes I would dump him as quickly as possible and not look back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2020):
 So OP, why did you have sex with him already before you were sure if he was someone you REALLY want to be with?
Yes, he is feeling insecure because you two slept together but you perhaps don't seem as keen as he is.
The thing with "jumping the gun" with sex, is that you might end up with a "dud" - something that just isn't as good of a fit as you both had hoped.
Honestly? He sounds more lonely than insecure. That is the "vibe" I'm getting from what you write.
What you have to decide is this, IS he a guy you want to get to know better and spend more time with.. OR not?
If he is, maybe take staying overnight and sex off the table for a while, so you tow can focus on getting to know each other.
If he isn't someone you are INTO and want to spend more time with, you need to tell him and cut all contact.
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