A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My boyfriend and his friends are like most guys these days. They're young, horny, flirty, like to play xbox and pc games, party, etc. One of my boyfriend's friends has a new girlfriend now and she is really beautiful. I don't wanna sound arrogant but she is kind of out of his league. Everyone has been making comments like "wow how did you get such a hot girlfriend" and "she's totally out of your league" etc.So being that this is a new and attractive girl, my boyfriends friends are all over her. Now what they do doesn't bother me, but my boyfriend has been paying her a lot of attention too. I guess what really really concerns me is that I've noticed how extremely flirty this girl actually is. Whether she is just a natural flirt or what I don't know, but she takes flirting to a whole new level. I've witnessed her tell my boyfriend that he's really sexy and she's told him several times how much she likes him and thinks he's a wonderful guy. When she hugged him one day, she pushed his hair back. I have seen her act this way with not only my boyfriend but several of the guy's in their friend group. I even heard several comments over the past couple of weeks from some of them calling her some bad names like slut or whore. One guy even mentioned that she asked him if he wanted dirty pictures. Is she someone I should be worried about? Should I be worried about her and my boyfriend or should I just ignore it and deal with it? I just don't understand why she acts this way.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2013):
 Nobody questions the RIGHT of the OP to worry about whatever she wants. What's doubtful, and at least open to discussion, I hope !, it's the UTILITY and the WISDOM to worry about : a ) things that do not concern her or b ) things that do concern her but she is not willing to take action about.
If the worry is about the other girl being a big flirt and lapping up male attention, I honestly fail to see what's there to worry about. SHE is the one, possibly, that should worry about getting a bad reputation or looking vain and superficial , or being taken advantage sexually by some guy who's quick to play on her need for approval etc. But , the OP not being her sister or mother etc., can
surely focus her thoughts and attention on more worthwile subjects ?...
If instead the OP's bf plays along and responds to the flirting and in fact laps it up- ah well, then it's different. Some girls would say " oh well he's just having some harmless fun " and some girls would say " heck no, the rule in our couple is no flirting and not getting too chummy with third parties ". If the OP belongs to the second group, then she needs to bring this up at once with her partner. The real problem being, not that the other girl could " steal " the boy ( nobody can ever be stolen , if they don't WANT to ), but that the boy is crossing aknowledged boundaries. So, just " worryng " in this case won't accomplish anything.
A
male
reader, thathu  +, writes (4 May 2013):
Worried about what?she being eternal flirt she will just move on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): You have the right to worry about anything you want. And ask any question you need to ask here, this is what this site is all about. At your age guys gossip a lot. I was called the same names when I was a virgin. So, he re you can disregard their remarks. Though they are young, they are not THAT YOUNG not to understand certain things. Horniness is not an excuse to act so intimate with someone's beatifull girlfriend. They are not teenagers, they are young men in their twenties. What you described is a goofy teen behavour. Beaty is rare, there is nothing wrong with admiring it. Go a step farther like touching, over complementing is not a behavour of an adult. There are other women around who may be not that striking, that's why over showering with compliments is just wrong. I don't know why she acts so flirty, some women and men are just like that, You can worry, but what can you do? If he desided to start something with her, then there is nothing you can do anyway.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 May 2013):
I guess it all only depends from your boyfriend. If he is a loyal type, and in love with you, he should see her exactly as tacky and inappropriate as she is acting , and be careful to maintain his physical and psychological distance. Remember that nobody can "steal " a man who does not want to be stolen.
If he is lapping up the flirting and the attention, ah well... give him the benefit of doubt ONCE , chalk it up to his naivety, and read him the riot act. Explain him how and why encouraging this girl is disrespectful to you. It's not that hard to understand, and I am sure he will- if he does not WANT to understand, ..well, you have a problem.
That's for the part that concerns your boyfriend- therefore you . For the rest... sorry but I am with Sageoldguy, the wording of his post may be a bit trenchant but the idea is sound : What do you care WHY she does stuff ? Maybe she had childhood traumas, or mental health issues, or she is just a big slut- so what ? Why should it affect you ?
You live in a free country , if she wants to be all over other guys and send them naked pics, - let her ( as long as it's not YOUR bf ). Why do you have to think about her motivations, her reputation etc. ? She is not your sister, nor best friend, she is basically a stranger,. You can't control other people 's beahaviour, and tbh, you should not even want to. I mean, you are young, with a life of endless possibilities in front of you, you have a loving boyfriend, I suppose a family, friends, a job or school, and are surrounded by a world that 's full of interesting, exciting, important things to do, know and learn about... and you want to waste time in monitoring the moves of this female acquaintance ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): If there was any truth to sageoldguys comment, "youve too much time on your hands to worry about oh such trivial matters" whats the point of even having this site...I dont think its fair to judge whos matters are trivial or not.I dont think your concern is trivial. I'd be quite annoyed too. What I know for sure is shes digging her own grave. Men can be very judgmental and the guys are already starting to talk badly about her. Sounds like she's gone from this pretty girl they were all swooning over to the butt of their jokes and insults. That is not becoming of her that she's acting that way. As for your boyfriend, I guess you just have to trust him. Thats awful though that you have to deal with a girl who shows little respect to the relationships around her. But if she keeps acting that way, it doesnt sound like she's going to be around much longer. They're already starting not to take her very seriously. I would just trust your boyfriend, be confident and just watch her dig her own hole. As for you, just continue being a lady.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 "Sounds" to me like you've got 'way too much time on your hands (to think about such matters),... and a VERY vivid imagination..... and none of this is likely to advance YOUR lot in life.....
Surely, you have other "stuff" to think about besides this convoluted arrangement wherein you seek (and have found) someone to be your shill for a sorry life... whilest YOUR life is Eden!!!!
Don't waste your time on this matter....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Hollyhock  +, writes (1 May 2013):
Despite her good looks, this girl seems to be very insecure and flirts and acts the way she does to get attention from guys which then makes her feel more attractive and popular. It's a shame that her flirting has started to cause people to call her bad names. The best thing would be to ignore her behaviour.Also, make friends with the girl - once you get to know her you may start to understand her better and this may stop her from flirting with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 The way she is acting is inappropriate because one, she is in a relationship herself, and two, she is disregarding that fact that your partner is in a relationship. If I were you I would keep a close eye on her, and speak to my partner about talking to her and spending time with her.If it makes you uncomfortable, don't put up with it!
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