A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi! I like to think that I am a very loving, caring person and I form close relationships with people, especially men. However, when a relationship ends, it seems I just get cold inside and just want to replace the person, like changing clothes. And these are people I have known and loved for a long time. I think I feel that people are replaceable and it makes me feel awful. It's like it's just over and I don't look back...unless I decide to give it another try, which never seems to work out. I might be a little sad for a day or something, but why don't I feel anything more? Is it just a defense mechanism? And why is it so easy to just jump right into a new one? Shouldn't I need time to heal? What the hell is wrong with me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): It's probably a defense mechanism to protect your feelings. Unless you feel like you're harboring resentment or hidden feelings, it is OK. It just isn't your style to sit around crying about your former relationship.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 June 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps it really depends on who ended the relationship. You might not be upset if you ended it.
But generally speaking, it actually could just be you trying to protect yourself. It's normal to protect yourself in some way.
If this is what you always do when a relationship ends, and then you try to go straight into yet another relationship, well then it's probably a rebound thing.
And if it is rebound - having someone for the sake of having someone (anyone is better than no-one), you are not going out with those men for the right reason. It's only to try and fill a gap in your life.
Give yourself some time to cry, and get to know yourself better as well and ask the question - "What do I really want in a man anyway?" Leave it a couple of months or even 6 months to a year, before you start to look for another partner.
When a relationship you really cherished ends, you aren't giving yourself a chance to get over it and grieve properly. That does take some time.
As a result of living this way, no relationship you have with a man has any real meaning to you. It's like - "Easy Come Easy Go". Men can probably sense this feeling in you and it probably comes across that you might have a don't care attitude.
It's like you think to yourself - "I'll see how this goes, and if it doesn't work out, I'll just find someone else - no problem". Even though you probably don't realize it yourself, it could be what you are really thinking.
It's almost like to you, men are disposable. Even though you say you get attached to each of them, at some level this might well be what is happening.
Different things you say and do can send off these signals without you knowing it. Men can sense that in a woman, and perhaps feel they are not very important to you.
And when they feel this way, that could be when they end it.
You might like them to begin with, but you don't expect it to last forever. Self sabotage.
In other words, when you go into a new relationship, you have expectations that it probably won't last - and guess what? It doesn't!
What you think about most in life, you bring more of that into your life. It's called the law of attraction.
If you think positive things, positive things happen.
If you think negative things, negative things happen.
It's also possible that you focus most of your attention on - "Will this relationship last or not?" - Instead of just enjoying the guy's company and having fun and enjoying life more.
You might be thinking about the destination and not the journey.
The whole of life is a journey, so focus more on fun, happiness and really get to know the men you go out with and take a genuine interest in them and their lives.
Share yourself with them more and allow them to share themselves with you.
Take the focus off "forever after". The only time you can live is NOW. Life is too short.
Some alone time can be very therapeutic, after a relationship ending. You can then start to think about your own life goals, and what you like and don't like.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): This almost certainly stems from your childhood upbringing,only help from the right resorces can help you find out why
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (15 June 2011):
 probably just your coping mechanism is your age correct well i can see how an older person after having lived through everything doesn't want t be bothered with all that heart break and stuff leave it for the school girls
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