A
female
age
36-40,
*ruekane
writes:hey i have tricky question. i am 23 and my boyfriend is 24. we have been dating for almost 4 months now. we are in a long distance relationship he is in South Africa and i am in London. i really love him so much and he loves and cares about me too. the problem is we made so many promises to each other and he told me a lot of stuff he doesn't want me to do like he doesn't allow me to drink. 2 days ago i was having dinner with my friend and she wanted ne to taste this wine she had been saving for us. i said i had to as my boyfriend first. i texted and ddnt get a reply then i tried callin. i had a few sips then left the wine and the glass was almost still full. now he is mad at me to the point that he wants us to break up. i really love him, its like he is the guy i have been praying for i have been through a lot and its like he took the pain away. and now he says i really love u and care about you, what you did really hurt me and i ddon'tthink i can ever trust you again. i want tyouto think about what it is you really want.i told him that i genuinely love him and that i was sorry for what i had done. he says that he is stressed coz of the distance. i have never lied to him and i told him i will do anything to prove to him that i wont do it again,. he said we will stick to the relationship but he ddoesn'tknow anymore and keeps on repeating ' whats the point of being with you when i cant trust you'. i an so scared i do not want to lose him, he almost got into hospital coz he suffers from high blood pressure and it was all because of me, i really ddon'tknow how to prove it to hHIMthat he can trust me. i never rrealizedthat my silly mistake of taking a few sips of wine would cause so much damage to my rrelationship and now i am so miserable and dont know what to do. he said he still love me but he doesnt know anymore. i really love this guy and i understand where he is coming from. please help me
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male
reader, Dataluke +, writes (27 January 2011):
 A few sips of wine shouldn't cause that much damage, he is drastically over reacting.
Its understandable that he doesn't want you to drink and its wonderful that you keep to that. But the idea that he loses faith in you and doubts your relationship because of a few sips is ridiculous.
He needs to understand that, while you did violate his wishes, it wasn't something to warrant this reaction. Talk to him, tell him your deeply sorry and ask him why he reacted this way over a few sips. Hopefully you can reach an understanding.
Hope it all goes well.
All the best, Dataluke
A
male
reader, GRW  +, writes (27 January 2011):
This guy seems to have some trust issues that are not your fault. It is absolutely absurd for him to say he can't trust you when all you did was have a little wine and even told him about it. It is not like you got plastered, or kept anything secret from him.
I know you feel very strongly for him, but trust is by far the most important thing in a relationship, ESPECIALLY if it is long distance. The fact that he was so quick to accuse you of breaking his trust makes me think that he is hiding something himself. Don't waste too much time trying to gain back his trust, because you haven't done anything wrong and there is really nothing you can do. He should be the one apologizing to you about overreacting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): with all my respect to your man, but you tried to contact him and text him before drinking, you could have easily done it without letting him know! he should consider that as a sign of trust and let it pass! the fact that he doesn't want to forgive you and insisting on considering it a trust killer, makes me raise few questions here! maybe he's already stressed about the relation and the long distance and wants to break up for other reasons! i don't think you've done anything wrong!
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