A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my wife and I have always had a very honest relationship, but one night I asked to have anal sex. She denied me access so I asked why. We have attempted it once before, however I stopped because she really wasn't enjoying it. Her reply was very vague.After thinking I remember her doing this action with two of her ex and enjoying it. With me, her husband, she denies to try.What can I do here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Well I think you have your answer ... you tried it and she felt uncomfortable not turned on by it. She may not have enjoyed it much when she has experienced it previously either and just doesn't want to. If however you are under the impression that she enjoyed it with others and not yourself than ask what she liked what made her relax then and ask her if you can try that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): A lot of women will reward men for treating them badly and withhold more from men who treat them better. I think this sounds like just another example of it.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 October 2009):
She may not have enjoyed it, even though she said that. Also, she may feel a little shy with you because you're her husband. Just make her feel relaxed and spend time on her. And it is true, anal isn't all that great.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Anal sex is something that the porn industry tries to sell to guys. Girls don't like anal sex, because quite frankly, it is painful for them. Don't push it.
Have you actually had anal sex before? It is not very good compared to vaginal sex. Its the difference between putting your penis into a warm, wet and inviting environment or putting it into a hot smelly sewer pipe.
Yes, I did try anal sex a few times with my g/f when she had her period. She was good to let me try it so I could see what the big taboo was all about. Let me say for the record that my penis feels much more pleasure being in a girl's vagina than her anus. If you do get to do it once, you'll see what I mean and you won't have to ask again.
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female
reader, curiousgirl32382  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 with me and my husband some times it's forbidden (stay the hell away) and other times I am all for it. A women has to be completely for it into it and relaxed other wise it's not enjoyable.You said yous tried once before but stopped cause she wasn't into it, did you ever think maybe you hurt her a little and now she is scared to try again.And yeah you might be different then the others shape size aggressiveness. My husband had this thought like you just bend a women over and give it to her. He has now realized that is not how it is maybe in the porno but not here. You got to work her up to it. Play with her alot ALOT of foreplay with both areas. Like I told someone else when people think of anal sex they think of being on all fours or bent over furniture from experience that is the worst position at first. Spoon (thats the position) but you have to take it slow and easy and talk to her the whole time when she quinches or makes a painful sound stop ask her if she is okay. I find if the girl is in control of the penetration then it is a lot more comfortable because she can stop when she needs to. And about what she did with the other guys "STOP THAT" she is your WIFE not theirs and thinking about and dwelling on her pass sexual experiences isn't going to do nothing but piss you off. Im sure you had ex sex partners... Dont compare. You got her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): just ask her why she doesn't want it with you but she did it with her previous exs. generally people who are used to it previousl would want to continue, maybe she had a bad experience and she doesn't want to tell you or maybe your technique is wrong and is making her uncomfortable.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (1 October 2009):
 There's another reason it could be. Look at what changed.
1. She's older. She could just no longer like it, or be in different shape than she was then, or for whatever reason it just doesn't feel as good as it did.
2. You may be too big. It's possible you're built differently than her exs and don't fit like they did.
3. It's possible she's just not as comfortable experimenting with you as she was with them (sorry). Make her as comfortable as you can and massage her and kiss her and be tender.
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female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (1 October 2009):
 If she truly did enjoy anal sex before, I don't know why she wouldn't enjoy it with you now. But maybe she only said that she enjoyed it and it was not actually true. Because I think anal sex hurts. A lot. So if she does not want to ever have anal sex with you, I would not be that disappointed if I was you. Maybe she just did not want to start having this kind of sex with you, because she will be with you forever, and it would hurt her every time for the rest of your marriage. No joke. Anal sex hurts a lot. Ask her if that's why she doesn't want to do it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Oh jeez. Dude, seriously? Listen to yourself "she did it with him, so why not me..." Whining. So what if she did it with her ex? She doesnt like it! She doesnt want to do it again. You are her husband, respect that. Dont demand it. You are married to her, you dont own her body.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (1 October 2009):
So what was her reason why? Maybe she did this with her exes as she felt more obligated...she was younger and more experimental--as far as enjoying it though, I don't know too many women on the lookout for some anal sex (although there are few). If her explanation is that it's painful (which it is) then you really should respect that, or any explanation she gives you for that matter. As far as advice on how to get her to do it, I really have none, being that if your wife really doesn't want to do something that you want, you really can't force her.
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Ok, re-read your own question, and the answer might slap you in the face.
'we tried it once before, however I stopped because she really wasn't enjoying it'.
That's quite a big clue. She didn't enjoy it.
So, grow up and stop thinking about what she did with other men. And stop trying to control her through sex.
Why don't you let her shove something up your anus to see how it feels? Maybe you will stop asking.
Of course, you might enjoy it, then we need a completely different conversation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Maybe, just maybe she did not enjoy it with her ex's but felt forced into it, or maybe mentally since and possibly physically it took its toll. A lot of women don't like anal sex and perhaps she regrets doing it. With you perhaps she hopes to be respected as she is your wife and that if she says she doesn't want to do something her husband would be supportive, not selfish. Why are you so offended? If you really care about her I'd drop the subject. If you feel like you just have to 'access' that area first consider whether you would like someone to have access to yours?
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