A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this hot chick for a while and we love each other to bits. However, she keeps scratching my spots off and it really hurts. I keep asking her to stop but she won't. What's wrong with her?
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Ok, this is generally from a womans perspective, because I do this to my husband and he does it to me. For us its a very strong impulse to do it. We will do it on ourselves as well. People who pick their own spots will want to pick their partners spots. My father has done this to my mother and my mother inlaw does this to her husband and vise versa.
I am no biologist, but i cant help but akin it to apes who groom members of their groups, both for hygiene as well as creating social bonds.(probably why we affectionatly call it grooming) My husband and I personally feel this is something we do because we love eachother and trust eachother. Its something we do and affectionately share while spending time with together. I mean he will pick my spot and still think I am beautiful. To me that says something.
I have had partners before who dont like this and in a way i felt it was like a boundry i wasn't allowed to cross. It wasn't the end of the world nor the relationship, just letting you know how it felt for me. I did repect my exs request not to do it, but it required alot of self control.
There was nothing worse than seeing all the blackheads on his nose and him not doing anything about it.
There is nothing in my view that is wrong with your girlfriend. Its just an impulse she has that you obviously dont and she is just being herself around you cause she feels comfortable. Just be firm and say you do not want it and dont like it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Do you have bad spots? From a female perspective, women take a lot of time and make a lot of effort trying to look good for their partners. Men on the other hand usually do nothing except perhaps change their underwear on a regular basis if you're lucky. Perhaps she is trying to hint at you that you should deal with the problem yourself? Have you considered exfoliating regularly? Also if you are overweight you need to wash regularly because you will sweat more and this can really exacerbate the issue of problem skin.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Just tell her not to, she's not a mind reader.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 I don't know. Give her some sandpaper and ask her to scratch HER spots. Maybe you can do it playfully: "Hey, since you like scratching so much, there you have, something that will give you the scratch of your life".
I suppose you can't find pieces of shark skin where you live? THAT would scratch her.
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