A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I am 31 yrs old, my hubby is 35. We have a one year old daughter and we have lived out of state from our family for approx 2 years. I am a stay at home Mom, and my hubby works outside the home. He has made a lot of friendships at work, and occasionally he wishes to go out to happy hours with coworkers, and goes to have dinner / drinks with friends when they come to town. We do not have trusted childcare here, so I stay with the baby if he is out one night. There is this 29 year old single woman whom started working with my hubby about 5 months ago, who recently moved to the area and does not have a lot of friends. She has lunch with my hubby and a group of others everyday. I find it difficult to understand why this woman hangs around at work with married men. Maybe it is just my conservative nature, but even though I totally trust my hubby, I find her presence at the occasional happy hour with the group uncomforting. Am I wrong to want my husband to not join coworkers for happy hours and going out drinking occasionally when friends come to town? Advice please.
View related questions:
at work, co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): I went through exactly the same thing at the same age - the woman at work waiting in the wings, always present, nothing going on but none the less extremely irritating! Try to find things for you and your husband to do together and try to gently steer him away from this socialising with work mates thing. My husband and I finally divorced for other reasons but guess who was waiting for him and is now living with him. Just watch the situation carefully and if possible try to go to some of these get togethers with him. Don't get angry with him though, he's probrably being totally faithful but flattered by her attention.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Hi there,
I think you may be letting your imagination get the better of you. I really can't see anything wrong with what this woman is doing. Of course we can only go by the information you provide, but I imagine she sees these men as non threatening and besides she may just be a guy chick. My wife prefers the company of men to women and has plenty of male friends, so maybe you need to find avenues yourself to get out of the house every now and then - it just looks to me that you are thinking up all these scenarios as a means of replacing boredom.
...............................
A
female
reader, yoginipirate +, writes (10 April 2008):
 This is a reality check for Jamer: in my experience the opposite has been true. Married men are WAY more flirty & appear find women other than their spouse WAY more desirable than they would if all were single. The Forbidden Fruit thing. However, while it is flattering for the woman, it is also safe because she can enjoy the attention & have the ready-made "I'm sorry, you're married" response. With single men, she can flirt, but then what? "Sorry, I was just being coquettish." But our friend's problem is not about the one woman (who probably isn't the office flirt) who joins the fellas for after-work drinks...it is her need to trust her husband & round out her own life.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 I think, unless you have other clues, you're WAY off the mark. Where would you suggest this woman eats...in the corner, in the bathroom or at some table by herself? The truth is, you might not trust your husband as much as you say. If you do, why are you worried? Are you worried about the woman in the corner store he sees every time he goes in to buy something? Are you worried about the lady next door who he talks with over the fence? Do you see the point, you could worry about anybody.
It might be possible that you've picked up a vibe about them that you haven't mentioned. If not, you need to get out more and mix with some other people. Maybe you might try to find a babysitter so you could join them when they go out. My wife has meals with men at work ALL the time. She works with lots of men. What should I do about that? Is it possible she finds some of them attractive? Yes. Is it possible some might find her to be attractive? Yes. Do they joke and laugh and have fun? I imagine they do. does she know where to cut off a guy that is out of line? I hope so. Would our relationship benefit if I demanded she ignore her coworkers and eat alone or only with members of the same sex? No, and she'd resent me for putting in a spot where she'd look so foolish and controlled.
There are always "what ifs" and you can not control them. The harder you try to control your partner, if they're not acting out of line, the more resentment you'll cause.
...............................
A
female
reader, yoginipirate +, writes (9 April 2008):
You're not wrong, but not being reasonable about some free time with his coworkers will not help you. If you're not worried about his faithfulness, don't worry. By the way, they could have an affair in the copy room just as easy. Most importantly, you need a life outside of the house too, even more than he does. Get yourself out there, parks, clubs etc. & make friends with some other moms...you can hang out while your kids play. It's good for you, good for your child & good for your hubby. Don't worry, be happy---but get some grown-up friends & round out your own life a bit & you'll worry less. PS. You need not worry about the female co-worker & venting your concerns to your hubby will only make her hotter. She probably doesn't make married men her friends of choice, just trying to make friends at work- that's who she works with.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 Some woman find it easier to hang around men
some men find it easier to hang around women
In this care im guessing this woman finds it easier to hang around married men as they are not looking to sleep with her and arent looking at her up and down, like some single men may do! which she may find better
...............................
|
