A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my mum, but she has been really stressed at work and my dad has been ill. She has started hitting me almost every night really hard. I'm covered in bruises and don't know what to do. She never hits my twin brother or my sister and I don't know why she hits me. I'm the eldest and have got enough going on with school, she just hit me again.
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female
reader, MommyOfOne  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 I was horribly abused by my mother. From 7-14. It was everyday. Beatings would last for hours sometimes. At 14, I moved away from her to live with me dad, and have lost all contact with her...its been over 10 years.
Back then, I wish I had gone to someone, anyone. Go to your school counselor and tell them. They will not rip your family apart, and it will be a private matter that won't be aired for the public to see. I think your mom needs counseling. Family therapy. And that can really help.
But you have to say something. Like the other poster said, your mom was probably abused. Now she is abusing you. And you growing up in this kind of environment will effect how your relationship will be with your children. Its a cycle. Someone has to break this. Sweetheart, you can do it.
Try your school counselor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): hello everyone, i posted this question but can't remember how to get back and post as the original poster (oops).
thankyou all so so much for your kind words, it's lovely knowing that you all really care that much to write back. i'm always so happy and cheerful, i just felt really down this morning. i just though i'd let you know a little more about the situation.
my mum has a really high powered job which she loves, and my dad is a doctor. three years ago he wen't through a really hard time and was quite ill. although we have had a wealthy upbringing it hasn't been happy. we lost all our grandparents, and our cousin to cancer. this was really hard on all of us especially my dad and i. for the last three years i have had to take on a bigger role in keeping our family together. when my parents are away, i look after my siblings, my mum and i look after my daddy when he's ill. whenever i get frustrated with having all this responsibility placed on me, i crack and tell my mum how much i hate her working so much and wish she could quit and spend more time with us or that i would like a more normal childhood without constantly worrying about my dad. whenever i mention this she gets cross. i feel really selfish bringing it all back to my siblings and i but i feel sorry for the fact that they have had to loose part of there childhood. i'm glad she doesn't hit them because i couldn't cope with that. in some ways i would prefer that she hit me. i don't have anyone i would want to burden with this because i wouldn;t want to be responsible to my parents loosing the respect of our family and friends, and i really couldn't contact social services as i wouldn't want to separate my family, i couldn't deal with the grief. Thats why i'm so glad i've been able to post it here gain all the support you have given me. Thankyou especially to 'country woman'. bless you all xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): I agree with all the comments above. I would like to put a different angle on this. I too was phyically abused my my step mother. Contant black eyes. My father later sided with her and tried to make out as if I was some idiot and cracked my head.
I have grown to hate them. It caused me problems in my relationships and with my older child who I have also hit. My older child and I have not got a loving relatioship and the cycle will probably continue with his own children. I too was the oldest and treated like Cinderella.
Your mum needs councelloring. She was prabably abused too. Try to stamp on it before it affects all relationships. I am now not close to my older son or my half brothers and sisters and life can be lonely.
I wish you all the best.
I would be interested in further comments from you.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Incidentally, if you are the eldest it's possible she sees something of herself in you; she needs help too but the only way she is going to get that is if you make a stand now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): This is child abuse, somebody must be informed. You could tell another relative, a teacher or the police. And don't worry that they won't believe you as you have physical proof! Child abuse is a punishable crime, and if your mum doesn't stop she could get in big trouble and you will be in a lot of danger. Well done for speaking up on here, now take it one step further. You can get more advice by ringing Childline, the NSPCC, Samaritans or the Salvation Army.
Come back and let us know how you are, you can private message me if you want =]
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (18 January 2009):
I agree with the above comment. This is systimatic abuse by any other name and its simply not on because the deepest scars will be in your mind. You need to seek help urgenlty; either you need to talk to a trusted relative or a service like Childline because you cant go on allowing this; she is obviously taking out all her frustrations on you. Apperciating she is in a difficult position is no excuse for what she is doing.
One other thing; this is NOT your fault. You havent done anything to deserve this no matter what you think. Please, please seek help.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Sweetheart something needs to be said as you are not a human punch bag.
OK so your mum is stressed but she cannot continue to take out her frustration on you, that just isn't right at all.
Teachers at your school will start to wonder about your bruises and this could really go down an extremely bad route. You need to talk to your dad confidentially, I realise he has been ill but you need an adult right now and obviously your mum is not the person to confide in as she does not see what she is doing is wrong.
Why not write her a letter for her to see when you are not in the house together, put down your thoughts on paper and tell her you want to work things out but you cannot be the one who is being physically abused as that is what this is sweetheart.
If it doesn't stop soon this could go down the social services route and once they get involved all hell breaks lose and I don't think your mum is actually aware of what she is doing as I think she could be having emotional issues right now and rather than sharing them with your dad she is taking on the world but you are not there to be abused but rather loved. It is probably because you are the oldest child that she is letting out her frustration on you but rather than words she is getting WAY TOO MUCH on a physical level.
You may not want to worry your dad but he is possibly not blind to what is happening in the household but I cannot imagine for one second that he is condoning her behaviour with you. He may not even realise what is happening. Your mum could seriously hurt you and it needs to STOP NOW.
Do you stand up to your mum with words or does she just attack you without any provacation?
If your dad becomes aware of the situation but does nothing to help you then unless you can try to work it out with your mum, then you need to get maybe another family member involved, i.e. an aunt or uncle. Does your mum have anyone she is close to i.e. a sister or brother? She needs to realise what she is doing is wrong but she may not acknowledge it unless it comes from someone she respects and love. I am just trying to think of anyone else apart from your dad who would be there for you.
If the hitting does not stop then you need to think about whether there is anyone you can stay with for the time being. I am not suggesting full time but until your mum acknowledges her problem I don't think things will change overnight. She now needs a wake up call and by you not being there you are taking yourself out of the situation and away from harm.
If all else fails then perhaps go and talk to your doctor or a teacher you trust, however there will be a consequence for talking to someone who is a professional as they WILL have to call on social services or someone like that as they cannot willingly turn their head away to your problem.
Try with your dad or another family member first and you may have to realise that once your mum finds out you have confided in someone else that you have betrayed the secret she has been hiding which is abusing you. However, will the support of another adult on your side you are then trying to protect yourself and your siblings from harm as she could turn on one of them once you are out of the picture. It is not your responsibility though to be the adult in this situation as your mum is the ADULT and she needs to be accountable for her actions, no matter what they are.
Try family first but remember to try and remove yourself from the situation temporarily to safeguard yourself OK.
Keep me posted and anyone else on this site as we are here to help as much as we can but I realise what a difficult situation you are in.
You are in my thoughts sweetheart and I wish I could try and help more but if you want to talk at any time this site is here for you.
There is also Childline on 0800 11 11 who are there to help, they are impartial and they are dealing with children in difficult situations every day so don't be afraid to talk to them OK.
They may suggest other ways to help you that I have not suggested OK. You are still classed as a minor as you are under 18 so ask for the help before it is too late.
Keep us posted on what is going on for you as we are always here.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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