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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi,I have known a certain MARRIED man for the last eight to nine months. I met him at my workplace, as I look after his son.This man has been giving me lifts home from my workplace when he comes to pick his son up quite often. We get on really well and I am on good terms with his wife too.He is very nice and remembers pretty much everything I have said to him since the first time he offered to take me home last year. The trouble I am having at the moment is that he has mentioned an ex of his several times in the last nine months - I haven't asked about her, he just seems to manage to find a way to fit her into our conversation. And he is not positive about her - he says she was 'mental' and wouldn't stop emailing him after they broke up. This makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't know how to respond when he says this. He has mentioned this same woman to me several times in the nine months I have known him, even though he is married to another woman who is really nice. (He also has children from the previous relationship before his current marriage but he has never mentioned the mother of those two children and I have never asked about her).Can anyone offer any suggestions as to why he is doing this and should I be worried? It's not as if I am in a relationship with him - I would never dream of hurting his wife for a start! - so why does he feel as if he can share such information about an ex with me?I must also mention that this man is twice my age and old enough to be my dad! He also waits for me after he picks his son up if I am running a few minutes late (I usually finish work the same time the son is picked up and my house is on the way to the other nursery where this man picks his other child up from). Everyone that knows him says he is really nice (and he is!) but it worries me a bit when he mentions this particular ex (it's always that same one) as I wonder if he is saying he thinks I would be like her if he is trying to see what I would say about it? Do you think he still has feelings for this woman even though he is married to someone else and what should I do if he mentions her again?Thanks![Mod note: OP, could you please clarify your age?]
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso to help with answers, I am 23, this man is 46-47. (Hence why I said he was old enough to be my Dad). Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan I just clarify that this man is not my employer or colleague - he is one of the parents whose son I look after (I work at a nursery) and the man does mention his wife and talks about her often (and answers me when I ask how the wife is etc). Thanks.
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 I would be looking for an alternative ride if I was you. It really isn't appropriate conversation. You could try cutting him off straight away when he brings up the 'ex' conversation, have another subject ready to start instead.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 I carpooled with 3 other people, all men, but they were all married, respectful and professional. Talking about your ex makes this too personal and you are going well past the point of being merely colleagues or carpool buds.
My personal take is that he approached you, he remembers everything you say, he talks smack about his ex because the fact that she's stalking him makes him look good; and it's a red flag that he never talks about his wife.
You are writing in because you aren't comfortable and your 'spidey sense' is telling you that something is not right. Listen to it. Sometimes a free ride home isn't free.
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reader, thomas1214 +, writes (20 April 2011):
umm maybe ask him nicely not to mention this or that you dont want to talk about it? since you dont. and he possible still does or it could just be that he is venting to you rather then his wife
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