A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hola todos,Hopefully other people will see this and I can help someone else, as well. I want very, very badly to change this situation in any way I can.I would REALLY like to cultivate close friendships, but I could use some advice as to how. Sometimes I think that I just lack the ability to connect with people, and I'm not sure if it's something that can be acquired or if it's an innate gift that you're born with. I'm originally from USA, but I've been in Mexico for several months, and I've made several friends. I love them dearly, but I long to form close friendships. However, I often feel lonely and a little bit detached. I've asked people for advice, and received some good advice, but I still sense that I haven't really connected with anyone. Furthermore, I sometimes worry that I've completely ruined my chances, by the impression I gave or something that I did or said.I'm a very caring person, and certainly not a loner, but sometimes I sense that I haven't really connected with people, and sometimes I worry that there is something profoundly wrong with me... could it be irreversible? I WANT to do something about this, and asking for advice seemed like a good solution. How do you connect to people and form close friendships? How do you know when it's too late? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Most likely you are comparing the relationships you have recently formed, that are in their infancy, to relationships "back home" that have been ongoing to some degree for many many years.I point this out to say that it is going to take some time. Very good friendships are really rare to find and/or begin in adulthood. If you think about it, most relationships come from childhood, high school, and college. Other than that, workplace is the other source of friendships.And I promise you that many people struggle with this.I am 31, and several years ago I started a company. Over the past few years I have transitioned in my personal life from the post-college lifestyle, as well as service industry lifestyle (I bartended throughout college and after) to more of an entrepreneurial lifestyle. But finding friends that share that lifestyle has seemed next to impossible.Definitely go out and do new things. Get into some kind of exercising or biking type activity. You will always meet new people constantly. Try finding a coffee shop to frequent. Things like that. You are much more likely to find real friends there than at a bar. Trust me, I know. When you find a few people you like, try planning a weekly lunch get together. I started doing this a few months ago, and it is GREAT! You really separate the real people from the shallow people. And you take alcohol out of the equation, which results in much more meaningful discussion.When I started asking people to have lunch, the response was overwhelming. I literally had some people (who have now become good friends) cry when I asked them to have lunch. They were craving real interaction as much as I was! Hope this helps.
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