A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is he hiding things from me? My fiancee and I are getting married in two weeks and I don't think I trust him anymore. We have been dating for three years and during that time, I have caught him intentionally hiding stuff from me. (sometimes small stuff, but still why does he do it?) For example, during a trip to Mexico he stuck out of the suite to call a friend. He lied to me about why he left the room and tried to hide that he had his phone with him. I know its a small issue, but why? Another example, he lied about his cell phone bill. He said that bill didn't include a detailed list of his calls, but I found the crumpled list when I emptied the garbage. On another occasion, his credit card bill mysteriously came up missing, but when I found it a few weeks later stuck under some old magazines, it had movie tickets charged to it when he was suppose to be at work...He supposedly was able to leave work because things were slow. So, he left work and met a former co-worker at the movies. But he didn't tell me about it until after the fact. The most recent incident involved a missing credit card bill again. His credit card usually stays paid off, so he doesn't get a bill every month. But, today I checked the mail and found his bill which was two months behind because of one charge back in August. He said a friend needed to borrow some money and he got the money from his credit card although there is not reason for him to do that. We have plenty of money in our checking account. And we have let that friend borrow money before so it wouldn't have been a big deal. He said he just forgot to tell me about it. Which is his usual answer for anything that I find out about, but is he just telling white lies to avoid discussing stuff with me or is hiding more a lot more and I am only stumbling across some of it?
View related questions:
at work, co-worker, fiance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (7 November 2008):
 I can understand that you are worried and upset. I don't want to hurt you but there is more to this than meets the eye. When a woman gets a gut feeling they are rarely wrong and there is definitely something going on. My ex husband used to near enough sleep with the phone under the pillow, took it to the loo all these stupid things and he was up to no good. I suspect that there may be another woman in the background or he may have money worries. Going to the cinema when let off early from work is very suspect behaviour. Also everyone keeps their itemised cc bills for at least a year incase you want to query a charge so this was blatantly hidden so you wouldn't see it. I would question him about how sure he is about getting married and ask him generally if anything is wrong because you are noticing strange behavioural patterns. Be very careful before you marry him as he looks like he loves you but also has something to hide.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): I suspect something very fishy is going on.
I have a very good idea what you're thinking and I can well understand why. I'm guessing you're already living as man and wife, and if so he shouldn't be secretive about his finances, although strictly speaking, until you have a joint account what he does with his credit card is his affair. Throwing away the statement is a good indicator that he didn't want you to see it. Normal people keep these statements for about 12 months in case a charge to the account needs to be challenged. I do anyway.
No man I know would go to the movies if he got an early chop from work, they would have come straight home unless they were having an affair. No wonder your alarm bells are ringing. Mine would be too.
Call off the wedding if you're unsure about all this. It's never too late to do so. Trust is paramount in any relationship for it to succeed.
...............................
A
female
reader, blackroses2989  +, writes (7 November 2008):
 Well if this is happening I would seriously consider post- poning the wedding. Now because I dont personally know your husband I can only give you three scenarios. One for example would be that he may be worried about how you will react, however I sort of doubt that one myself. another is he may just be a compulsive liar and truely can't help it even when he knows its wrong. I would seriously consider getting for him help with that one. Another thing, that I especially hate to assume is there may be a possibility that he is seeing someone else alongside you. Keep in mind I dont know your soon to be husband, and he may never even consider that. However I would keep watch for it. Then again if he is seeing someone else it could also be that he is afraid to get married. I hope this doesnt upset or frusterate you more, but I really do think you need ot sit down and have a conversation with him. Keep in mind that since he has lied in the past he very well may lie to you when you try to talk to him. Before you get married, I strongly suggest couple counseling or couple therapy. I hope for your sake that I sm very wrong about all of it. But if you are getting married in two weeks you probably really should look into it. I hope this has helped you in someway.I'l try to think more about it, perhaps there is another reason anywho for now the best of luck to you sweetie! 3 please message me if you need to. goodnight!
...............................
|
