A
female
age
36-40,
*iley
writes:my bf dumped me 9 months ego.i tried to convince him a lot.but failed.After that I went for no contact period.At that time I got to know he was in new relationship.But I did not break NC.Then after one month he started messaging me.I did not replyed.then he tried a various things to break my NC.Suddenly I broke my NC and talked to him.1stly when i showed my attitude to him he talked to me nicely.But after that when I initiated the conversation he alwase avoid me.I could not understand why?one day I told him to meet me.He denied and abused me.And said not to disturb him.But at that time he talked to me that he wanna have sex with me.When I denied he said he was kidding and the next day he humiliated me a lot.I told him that next time he initiated the contact.He then replyed that it was his mistake.He thought that I was changed.But he was wrongthen i told him I would not disturb him again.that was my last call.next day I send him a message that I knew his new relationship.He begged me to receive his ph and meet him.he tried to make me emotionaly weak to receive his ph.I then recivd his ph.He was so nice and tried to make me emotionaly weak.but when I talked to him politely,he changed again.And said that he was truely commited to that girl but he wanna keep friendship with me.because he spent a great time with me.So he did not want to lose me as a friend.I said ok.and said "be happy with ur new gf".and hung up the phfrom the next day I deleted my profile from facebook and changed my ph no.and went for NC for the second time.He also deleted his profile from face book.after that I dont know whats going on in his life.Am I took the right decesion?Will this plan work to get my ex back?I am trying to change my self..my looks,my style,trying to regain my self confidence.But what to do Next( To get My ex Back)? And another question is that When I talked to him badly he tried to make me emotionaly weak(e.g He had a great time with me) and when I talked to him politely he alwase showed his attitude to me(e.g he is very happy with his new gf,he has found his perfect match.I was not his perfect match.he was not so comfortable with me etc).Why?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 August 2010):
There seems to be some spark there between you, as your ex is contacting you fairly regularly, even if he behaves somewhat strangely.
Perhaps he is deciding what he really wants from you as a partner and is playing the field with the other lady, and while he's doing this, he's comparing that association and what he has with you.
Actually, it really does seem like he's trying to make you jealous by going out with the other lady, telling you about it and going back to her again. He's testing your reaction. Try to just be happy for him, but show no emotion at all - like it doesn't bother you. That will get him thinking.
When he does contact you, you are there waiting. Unfortunately, it doesn't make you seem very interesting or exciting as you are depending on him for your happiness almost entirely. We are all responsible for our own happiness, no-one but ourselves.
He's checking up on you to see if you are sitting at home waiting for him or not and if you are available or out dating other men.
Even though you like him a lot, one of the best things you could possibly do now is to become your own person, with your own interests and your own friends. Just go out and enjoy yourself - but without the expectation that you might hear from him.
And in doing this, be happy and positive about life and it's possibilities. If he does happen to call you or text you, tell him that you are having a great time and things have never been better. If he tries to ask you out, just say - "I can't, I'm busy". But say nothing more. If he asks what, where or who, just say - "Just out", and leave it at that, do not go into any detail. You could then say, "Look, I have to go now - I have to be somewhere and I'm almost late now". And then end the conversation, but be cheerful and happy. I suggest that you try this on a regular basis (even if you are not doing anything at all). I promise you it DOES work !!
If he's likely to drive past your house to check up on you, just go out in your car for while - visit a friend or just simply drive around for an hour. So that your car isn't there if he goes past your house. You could even go out straight after work. Or you could get someone else to answer the phone and say you're out with a friend and don't know when you'll be home. But don't give any details.
All this helps keep some mystery about yourself, and lets him know you're not at home waiting for him to call you. Otherwise, when he knows you are at home, it makes you appear needy and very predictable. Men need to be kept on their toes and also need a bit of unpredictability. It makes life very interesting indeed, because Men don't know where they stand. A confident, independent, slightly unpredictable woman, who has her own life, is very attractive in a man's eyes and it takes the pressure off him to make her happy.
Your man definitely needs a very good shake-up. I really suggest that you try this.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, Dr.Ski  +, writes (2 August 2010):
He is bad news, your not emotionally weak, your making yourself look weak by playing his games! He is a mess, and no doubt he and his girlfriend are laughing about this. He is probably playing ANOTHER girl despite you, and his girlfriend. Too be on the safe side, i would completely blank him and get yourself a new relationhip.. you probably know better then go along with his game x
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