A
female
age
51-59,
*anelliliz
writes:Why does my ex-boyfriend think he can have it both ways??He is still calling on occasion which after the phone calls I only feel worse and now he wants to get together for sex. I admit I was weak and suggested it and we did where I spent the night. He told me he still loved me.After we got together he told me he didn't think it was a good idea as it clouded the issue and he was totally against it saying he shouldn't have done it, blah blah. Now he is has changed his mind as he called last night and asked after a very lengthy phone call(which I tried four times to end, but he is always in control of when the call ends and always has been) if I was coming to see him again. I said I didn't think you thought it was a good idea and now I don't think so. He said I didn't ask you that. I asked if you were coming. Mind you he is up at camp and told me to not finish making curtains for him as that would mean I would have to come to camp to finish them up to which I said I don't need to. The curtains were a xmas present which I thought was pretty rude of him to reject not that I want to spend time finishing them. Anyways, it's okay if I come there for sex, haha.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2015):
 He wants someone to have sex with and make him feel less lonely.
That would be my guess, specially if he doesn't want you to come out and measure for these curtain, but you can come out for sex. IF he had wanted to STILL be with you, you would have free reigns to come measure to your hearts content.
As far as "needing" help around the house... maybe it would be WORTH the money to have a plumber come out instead of having to deal with this guy.
A
female
reader, vanelliliz +, writes (8 May 2015):
vanelliliz is verified as being by the original poster of the question This is the deal. When we parted ways he said he would still help me with house repairs, etc., for example he replaced a part on my toilet which I did attempt to do myself unsuccessfully before I asked him o I about it. I am a single female and yeah I need help on occasion. He came over while I was away which was a good idea. He called on Monday and I missed the call and didn't return it which he did point out and I told him he didn't follow up with text so I didn't think it was important. Give me some credit. And in case you missed I told him I didn't think the sex thing was a good idea when he called the other night. So yeah I get he wants me to talk to him on the phone and now has changed his mind and wants to have sex to help him through his adjustment. Would I prefer he text, yes. I didn't say I was continuing with the curtains. Merely pointing out he wouldn't want me at his camp for measurement but I could come for sex. Scumbag. The answer I was looking for was is he trying to hang on to the relationship in some way by calling or is he just wanting someone to talk to through his adjustment? Hope that clears things up that I am not clinging on, nor am I afraid to move on nor trying to keep the show going. Out of sight and out of mind is what I would like. Mentally that works best. I tried to arrange for my son to be here when he came over to fix a cracked pipe so Yeah I know avoidance is best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2015): Tell him you have a NEW and IMPROVED boyfriend and tell him to get lost. Then BLOCK him as the other aunts and uncles have suggested here.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 May 2015):
 "Why does my ex-boyfriend think he can have it both ways?"
Well, its like this... you ALLOW it, he is your EX for a reason.
Stop responding to his calls, BLOCK HIM - and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2015):
 you give him all the power. Why?
"I'm sorry I can't talk to you right now" click and you're gone... YOU have total control but you abdicate it.
Why are you making him a gift? what do you think that will do?
why are you even taking his calls. YOU make the choice.
that's ok.... at least own your choice and your behavior and stop blaming it on him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2015):
I'm with Sage on this... WHY does he think he can have it both ways? ...
BECAUSE YOU LET HIM!!
So, BLOCK and delete his number, if she still manages to get hold of you you tell him to go kick rock.
YOU are not some innocent "victim" here.. YOU CAN chose to kick him to the curb.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): You're in a cycle. A never-ending loop. Pretending to breakup, giving-in to sex; then being dismissed after you've been used. You like the way he takes charge of you. You like the way he demands what he wants. You also like the drama and the theatrics. Time to lower the curtains on this dog and pony show! Roll them up into a ball and ship them to him just as they are.
"He is still calling on occasion..." That makes you his booty-call!
Then after he gets what he wants, he treats you like do-do.
What's the use of telling you block to him or hang-up? If you don't hear from him, you'll go find him.
You're all grown up now. You can't use the excuse of not knowing any better. You can't blame him either. You keep it going, because you're afraid to give him up.
He's not your ex-boyfriend. He's the axis on-which your world revolves.
Free yourself of this non-sense. After all this drama, he'll find somebody else; and dump you cold and hard anyway.
Have some dignity, beat him to it. Vanish!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): He is trying to keep you on a string as back up nookie, just walk away, to hell with Christmas gift curtains, block his number and move on with your life.
Unless you want a booty call candidate yourself, at which point you understand that that is all it is and don't invest any more of your emotions into it than that. make it clear to him and yourself that he will be just a piece of ass for you and you will call him when you want him. but you have to establish that for yourself, but don't say or do that out of revenge or a means to hold on to something that isn't going to work, that just makes the two of you matching d*ckheads.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 May 2015):
 P.S. Donate the curtains you are making to a charity. Or throw them out.
And just stop communicating with him. You can do it. You can.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 May 2015):
 "Why does my ex-boyfriend think he can have it both ways??"
He CAN.... BECAUSE YOU ALLOW IT!!!!!! Are you unable to see your part in this pathetic charade??????
Get away from him... stay away from him.... and get on with your life, WITHOUT HIM IN IT!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 May 2015):
Who cares why he thinks the way he thinks? He an EX! Block him on the phone and don't respond to him. You sound like you are very easily manipulated by him and it would be healthier for you to just go no contact.
Hang up the phone. Block him. You are a grown woman, you can do it.
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A
female
reader, brock24 +, writes (7 May 2015):
 It's easy to want to be with someone you are comfterble with change is scary, but he seems controlling and unkind. It also seems like he is playing mind games and using you. I feel like you should look inside and find out if this is how you want to be treated. Ask yourself this.... Does he respect me?Is he there for me? Does he love me? Can I trust him? Just think about these things.
I hope you find your happiness with or with out him...best of luck!! :)
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