A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, used to ask for help around here 5 or so years ago, and back again to ask for more help!I have 2 questions really, 1st one-Why does my boyfriend lie? He doesn't go out and then lie about where he's been as if he's been out with a girl and told me he was at work(he doesn't even have a job right now anyway), he just lies about every day stuff like how he has these friends who he's really close to yet hasn't met up with even once in the 2 and a half years he's been with me. He says he's in a gang, not like the typical drug taking, wear jeans around your ankles and your baseball cap backwards, beat up anyone and mug your gran kind of gang, but a gang that just kind of meets up and they kit themselves up in combat gear and patrol the streets with rifles in their black vehicles - I know for a fact that's a lie as they would get such a telling off if the police found them. He once lied to me about how his dad used to beat him when he was younger - I know this is a lie as his mum told me that the last girl he was with, she actually managed to manipulate him to say it in an attempt to drag him away from his family, plus I know for a fact both him and his sister had the best upbringing possible. They lived on a horse yard and his mum ran a riding school from there and they used to get whatever they wanted but their parents were still strict. He always tells loads of lies about stupid things too, like how he used to own certain things, how he's been to places he's never actually been to and stuff like that. I know one of the best things to do would be to talk to his parents about it, but then they might tell him and then I risk losing him as he might get funny about it(while we were on a night out once someone caught him out with a lie he told and he got really angry with them!), as it is literally just these petty lies that's the problem - he is literally perfect in every other way!2nd question -We have been having unprotected sex since we got together(2 and a half years). I know that's bad if I don't want to get pregnant, but we have made an agreement to be NTNP(not trying not preventing) and if it happens, it happens. Some months though I get myself so worked up hoping I don't become pregnant due to money issues or whatever, but even to this day I have not become pregnant. We have sex at all different times of the month - when I'm ovulating, when I've just finished my period, just before my period and every time in between, and almost a different position every time, and still nothing... I don't know what's wrong? He said he can definitely father a child as he did with a previous partner but she and the unborn child tragically died in a car accident(again, referring back to 1st question, this could be a lie, but that was years before I even met him). When he first told me that though all that was running through my head was that I'm the one with the problem, I'm infertile blah blah blah, But when I started to realise that what he told me about the previous partner could be a lie I suggested that he may have a low sperm count or something and he just shrugged it off saying 'meh probably'. We both smoke, but both my parents and his parents smoked for years and they both have 2 children(me and my brother - him and his sister) so I doubt it's anything to do with that, but would be an easy fix if it is - just quit.Someone help me? I've already tackled through some problems on my own - sorting out my finances - making my self debt free as of Christmas 2015, I have a job... The icing on the cake now would be to sort out these 2 problems and for my boyfriend to get a job!Thanks in advance.
View related questions:
at work, christmas, debt, money, period, sperm, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Petina57 +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Some people lie, they can't help themselves. He may not ever stop. How can you truly get to know someone when they are not themselves with you. It's like he's a different persona. I wouldn't have a baby with him. How can a child grow up to be honest and decent with a lying father. Hope this helps
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 DON'T stick with a guy who lies!!!!!!! HOW clear can we make this?????
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 I think you need to start being a bit more sensible about this situation instead of burying your head in it. Please start having safe sex and don't bring a child in to this. It could be a great thing that you have not gotten pregnant yet because your boyfriend seems to have an illness and if you want a happy and healthy relationship well then you need to stop burying this in the sand and act on it.
Yes I know that you are scared because you love him, but he is a pathological liar and he needs help. It is an illness and I have some peoples lives destroyed by this. It is dangerous. He could be lying about you to other people, he just doesn't know when to stop.
My first step would be to talk to his parents about this, my guess is that he has been like this since a child and therefore they probably have their suspicions. But tell them how worried you are and ask them for there help.
At some point he will need to be confronted about his problem, this is the tricky part, as he will feel caught out and he will blame it on everybody else except himself, compulsive liars are good at this, but if you have the support of his parents, don't go in all guns blazing, just all sit down with him tell him use all think he has a illness and that if he wants a better life he should get some help, reassure him that you are there to support him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Why are you so desperate to have children with this guy?
Either he is "suffering" from Compulsive lying (yes, it's a thing)
http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Compulsive_Lying_Disorder
Or he is pathological liar, someone who likes to make himself AND his life sounds better (or worse for sympathy)
http://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Pathological-Liar
Neither the Compulsive liar nor the pathological liar are likely to stop. THIS is who he is. He can get help, but what is the likelihood of him seeking counseling for lying? My guess is ZERO.
So having kids with this guy? Who doesn't work, doesn't contribute and lies?
...............................
|
