A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf follows a lot of cosplayers/models on social media. A lot of the time, he usually has a picture of one set as his phone or computer background, which he changes pretty regularly. This never really bothered me until now.One of the things he likes to do in his spare time is to play video games, a lot of the time online. One of these girls that he follows just so happens to also play the same online game as him, and they play together often. She apparently even wanted to know if he was single at one point, but he told me that he said he was taken. Even though I tell myself I shouldn't be worried, I still am. He constantly likes any type of picture or update she posts, still plays with her online, has given her money, and even has her photo as the background on his phone. Like I said, I know in the past he's had pictures of models and stuff, but there was no real chance of anything happening between him and these girls. I feel like this is different. Am I wrong to be feeling upset by this? I figure I should bring this up to him, but I don't know what to say. I'm afraid that I'll come off as the overreacting jealous gf. Help! :(
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 January 2016):
 Im near certain shes a cam model. My instinct says hes cheating. The money is a huge clue to this. Im sorry. Do some investigating and dont ask him straight out chances are hell lie. I am sorry.
A
female
reader, Petina57  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 He needs to take her picture off his phone. He's bringing her into the real world. He shouldn't be giving her money. Ask him to put your pic on the phone. If he doesn't, then you can put a pic of a hunk on your phone. I would seriously tho only worry if he's on the game for more hours than the total time he has for you personally. If you can't beat em join in the game, befriend her yourself , that should put the cat amongst the pigeons. Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): I don't know the gaming world at all, but I don't think I have to, to know that if a boyfriend of mine had a picture of another woman as background on his phone that I would feel very put out. Horrible that you feel you can't say anything otherwise you'll sound jealous, but this is bothering you and it would bother me too! You feel this is different and so would I.Have a good think about how happy/unhappy this relationship is making you. How would you feel if you were single again? Without this constant nagging feeling? We can't control what our partners do, as you know, and even if you mentioned the picture on the phone and he removed it, you'd still know that he wanted to have it on there in the first place.If it was me, I would stay quiet and see what happens. I'd weigh it all up as I went along and see how his behaviour was making me feel. I personally think that there is no point in trying to change too many aspects of our partner's behaviour. It wouldn't make you or him happy in the end. I always think, if their behaviour is something that upsets me, I walk. Unless it's one thing, or you think maybe he doesn't realise how you feel. Maybe try mentioning the photo thing. His reaction could tell you a lot about how much he wants to be with you. How much he wants to make you happy. Don't be ashamed of feeling this way. If you talk to him about it, don't talk to him as if he's at fault, but rather tell him how it makes YOU feel. In a quiet, calm voice. Make all the sentences about you and your feelings, that way he won't be on the defensive. I realise I've given you conflicting advice, I was thinking as I was going along. I prepared myself to finish with my boyfriend after he danced with one woman a few weeks running, in a very close and intimate way even to fast music. I knew I couldn't watch it again. I told him how it made me feel and to my complete surprise he just casually said he's be more conscious of it in future! Which he has been.....most of the time....And guess what? He gets jealous too and recently has had a hard time disguising it. They're human too! Who'd have thought?! :) Good luck and hope my ramblings have helped a little x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the replies, it's definitely given me some things to think about. He's had female and male gamer friends in the past, and that really didn't bother me that much. I've got friends that I've met online as well, so I know how that goes. It's just something in my gut that wasn't sitting right with me. As for money amount, it was close to $100. I can't quite remember off the top of my head. It definitely didn't help ease me any. Thanks again for the replies.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2016):
 I agree with CindyCares... other than the fact that he's given her money (how much and what were the circumstances) it's a no brainer to let it go.
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female
reader, ellsie96 +, writes (27 January 2016):
 To me this does sound a bit suspicious, giving her money? How close are they? Have they been friends for a long time, and would this make sense? I've never met anyone over the internet who I would be willing to actually give money to, even if I was good friends with them.The actual talking and him liking her posts etc. isn't too strange, just friendly behaviour.BUT what I do find weird is him having her picture as his background on his phone? She's a real person, not a model or a famous celebrity, so it's really bizarre.You definitely have the right to feel uneasy about the whole situation, but ultimately all these problems rest with him and the things he is doing. I would speak to him honestly, ask him if anything more is going on, or if he has certain feelings towards her (even if he wouldn't act them, it's good to know anyway).I know in the past me and my boyfriend have had issues like this about him being too friendly/weird with girls, and I asked him outright if he liked her? I trust him not to act on any feelings, just as I'm sure you trust your boyfriend, but it puts you in a better place to resolve the issues if you know how he feels, albeit if you have to tell him to stop talking to her etc.Hope everything goes okay! :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): Gamers do make and play with friends online but I wouldn't have a girl gamer's photo as my background instead of my girlfriend especially when I've bever met them! That is disrespectful. Also he sent her money?! He obviously has a serious crush on this stranger to do that and shouldn't be sending money to strangers online anyway. It's up to you what you do about it but if my girl was a gamer and not me, and doing that I would dump her straight away as she would be crossing a line with her behaviour.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2016):
 I do think it's a bit of overreacting, but I also see where you are coming from. I would not like it if my husband did this.
Depending on how many hours he is gaming he might actually spend more time interacting with HER than he is with you. Now, it is NOT her "fault" this is HIS choice. And in turn yours, as you are the one dating this guy.
I find it a bit... creepy that SHE is his background on the phone, computer and that he has given her money. This is a REAL person's picture he is placing on his belongings, not a character from a game. (no matter what "outfit" she is in). I know that occasionally there are female players (and male players posing as females) who USE male players to pay subscriptions/items etc. She might even have several GUYS paying for stuff for her in and out of the game.
I DO agree that I would not bring it up either, I would end the relationship instead, if he seems to be living in some gaming la-la land YOU are not part of. If I was young (like you) and in my 20's I would NOT date a gamer - there are just TOO many great things people can go out and explore outside.
I do game myself for fun and have people I run missions/operations/raids with online, we sometimes just hang out and talk over TS - hubby plays the same games so he runs with them at time too, sometimes with me, sometimes without. Some are male, some are female. Some are young, some are older - they are what I'd call gaming-friends. Some we have met in RL too, which was great fun. I think some people are quite able to play online games with others and NOT be inappropriate. It's not hard.
The whole following cosplayers and models online is.. meeh not something strange. Some DO cosplay FOR the attention - but that is as far as it goes. Some people subscribe and follow people on YouTube who sit and talk about new games, sports, cosplaying etc. And some even make a LIVING doing this. So what your BF is doing is not that ODD. It's (pardon for saying) such a big part of your generation - having online presence and being online.
You just have to decide if you want to date someone like your BF or not. I have know women who were "gaming widows" - where their partners spend MOST of they waking time gaming and the GF would just sit there and watch if she wanted to spend time with him. And THAT I just don't understand. Gaming together? That is fun, but REAL life, the outdoors can be even more fun.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 I would defnitely agree with Chigirl, if it wasn't for a small but meaningful detail.
He has given her money .
Why ???
She is just a fellow gamer, they basically know each other only online. She is not a close friend, lover or relative.
Unless your bf is such a Good Samaritan that he will empty his pockets for whomever asks him, ... uhm, I don't know. I 'd think that he is very much invested emotionally in this girl, or that he totally wants to impress her , or... red flag anyway.
I am far from a tightwad, I promise, and still this strikes me as bizarre ( unless he gave him money that she is collecting for a charity ? )
I know that on line friendships can feel like ,hey let's even make it " can BECOME "-real life friendships. I am exchanging PMs with some Aunts of this site, and in time we have exchanged many details of our lives. I would feel comfortable going to them for seeking comfort in a bad time, asking for advice on personal problems, even revealing a secret , and I hope it's mutual. But I draw the line at asking a money loan or gift . Or,at giving it.
OK, technically you are just dating so it's none of your busines what he does with his money. Yet, if I were in your place I would not rest so easy - and I would want to know exactly what's going on.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Yeah, you'll just come off as overreacting, jealous girlfriend. He said he's taken, he's with you, and I don't see why you are worrying. He's a gamer, this is how they are. If you don't like it, change boyfriends. Soon as he stops contact with this girl, there'll be something else that might bother you, because this to me sounds like just your every day typical gamer behaviour. They spend A LOT of time playing games with OTHER PEOPLE than you, and for most of the time not people they have ever met, or will ever meet IRL. Just because it happens to be a girl this time around doesn't mean it's different from when he games/chats with guys.
I would suggest also, that your problem isn't with this girl at all, but with you not being happy in this relationship. Possibly you are just tired of his gaming all the time and putting gaming over real life. In this case, bringing up this particular girl will not do you any good, it will only cause a huge argument. End the relationship instead, is my advice. Or accept his gaming and who he games with and what pictures he uses as background on his phone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): I don't see anything wrong in the gaming but the phone background is weird. I had an ex who did that and it wasn't even someone he knew like in your case. I still didn't like it. He had girl pictures all over his walls as well but that didn't bother me like the phone background,which felt like more of an intimate thing to me.I felt like it was disrespectful to me people used to think it was a picture of his girlfriend lol we ended up breaking up over his cheating. Not to say anything like that is happening with you but it is rubbing this girl in your face a bit. Tell him how you feel if he's not bothered about her he'll change the picture rather than upset you. If he gets all defensive or reacts badly that will tell you more
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