A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and he has allowed his mother to interfer to the point we haven't been able to get married and we don't live together any more. She does things to destroy us and tells him it's all in his best interest. why does my boyfriend keeps allowing his mother to control and make decisions that effect our life together? Why does he keep putting her first over our relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Oh i know how u feel. my bf has just gone back to mummy again. cos apparantly he doesnt need to get a job and sort it out.(and his mummy says perhaps I should get a job....BABY??? so he thinks its fine to be a lazy a**e) we are engaged, lived together 3 years and hav a 5 month baby. she lies to me about where he is, says she'll talk to him about whatever hes had a paddy about to me and then doesnt, says i should put up with him yelling at me. the list goes on really come to think about it. I wrote nearly an essay just now and had to delete it.Basically they are in competion with you. unfortunately. they try to get their little boys to leave you by making out youre no good. and the silly boys believe their mummys and do everything they can to get mummy to love them still.Its sad and pathetic. Iv just spent 4 hours at her house with the bloke i love getting on really well when she wasnt in the room, mixed with a little boy doing what his mummy wants, having food given to him and then going out with her, while i went home to put our baby to bed alone.I feel like there is no point in bothering. Hes going away for a week with her to her second home tomorrow because she asked him to. He just wants to please her. But we need to make up after a week apart. Does she care?? NO. She spent all week giving him money, taking him out for meals, etc,etc. and probably not once has said the right thing "Go home to your family and sort it out"She tells him im rubbish at looking after the baby and he believes her. Oh im gonna stop... its awfulGood luck in life and dont find another mummys boy!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): If he is allowing his mother to run his life at the age of 40, then I agree that he will probably never change. My mother and most of her sisters (my aunts) always tried to control my life. When my mother died when I was 34 years old, my aunts then tried to continue controlling my life. However, I was about 22 years old when I started to ignore what they said. When they found out that I had spent the night at my new girlfriends house after my divorce, they wanted to know what I was doing with a woman like that. I was 34 years old and they had never even seen her. The key is to let go of their advice and demands. I don't mean to refuse to see then ever again, just to let them know that you are an adult and will do whatever you want to do. If they disown you, then so be it.
In your guys case, it is just his mother. If he is afraid to tell her that he is an adult and he will do what he thinks is best for him, then he can at least do whatever he thinks is best for him and you and ignore the consequences. If he can never do that, then I am afraid that you just have to let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Tell him to cut the apron strings or you and him are finished for good! Make it clear that you dont think you should have to put up with this situation any longer. You have a say here as well, so why did you let him be talked out of things by her? Give it to him straight and be prepared to carry them through. As i keep saying, life is too short and you deserve better. Make a stand and stick by it.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 Has he always been like this? It is not due to his mother being ill or anything? From what you wrote it sounds though as he could be a mummy's boy, as someone already put it. If he is above 40 yrs old, I would say he is beyond help here, he will never change on this. It has nothing to do with you, he just never left the secure zone of his mother's to become an emotionally independant adult. It doesn't have to make him a bad person, but you will probably always have a very complicated life together as decisions about your life as a couple should be made only in between the two of you and not involve his mother. You must either accept this in him or move on, I think.
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, Sassister +, writes (28 October 2007):
If he allows her to do this, then he is not worthy of you and probably never will be. This is a type of disfunctional bond that is hard to break. Move on and good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 October 2007):
 It sounds like he has some real growing up to do. He needs to tell his mom that it's his life, he respects her advise, but she needs to loosen the leash and let him make his decisions and mistakes without being there to wipe his butt every time he makes a mistake.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 HI Anon.
sorry to say men like this are are usually (where i live) called Mommy's boys, they are terrified of there Mothers and what there Mommy says goes, they will never ever leave there Mother and do whatever Mommy says, you are up against the most evil force in the known universe, you do not stand a chance against her, she will win hands down at all cost, my advise to you is give up on him, you have no chance what so ever of convincing him of anything, because once Mommy has told him something, no matter what you say he will always believe her and nothing you ever say will change his mind.
Sorry,
hope this help you
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