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Why does my boyfriend have a problem with me wearing hair extensions?

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Question - (8 November 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 25 December 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

The guy i'm seeing seems to have a problem with me wearing extensions, it's just getting insulting and tiring now! I don't know whether to get them taken out?

I got them in a few weeks ago and all my friends compliment me on my hair, even though they know my hair really isn't that long! They don't care and just think my hair looks good how i style it, well he saw them and was like 'oh you got extensions in, they look good', but then soon started saying 'why did you get them, it's weird girls who wear other peoples hair' 'don't you feel really fake with them in', why can't you just leave your hair at it's real length... blah blah and when i reply his looks are rolled eyes or a sarcastic smile?

I know when he puts his hands through my hair, or touches my head it would feel weird and suppose it's annoying for him. But I hate my short hair and i love how confident and beautiful i feel with really long hair, fake or not i don't care!! I'm happy and that's all that matters, other guys have mentioned them when they've touched my hair and never seem to ask why i have them, or insulting question and remarks. Do guys really hate extensions that bad to have that behaviour?

It's getting me down and even though i paid so much money for them, i'm really considering taking them out now... what do you think i should do? He said they look real and really good, but his comments and expressions speak otherwise? Guys would you honestly be put off and not want to date a girl who wore extensions, at least i was honest about wearing them and i'm not even fake, or wear loads make up so what's the problem!?

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A female reader, jenlewis United States +, writes (25 December 2013):

I think you should make him understand that these are in trend now. These are an instant way of getting long hair look, colored hair look and highly used for hairstyling. My boyfriend loves my hair extensions. I am using real hair extensions which I ordered online.

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (11 November 2012):

adamantine agony auntMy boyfriend hates extensions too. It's more that he likes you for you, and doesn't want any fake shit to obscure your beauty. Don't take offense to it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (9 November 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI'm like this, if you like them keep them and tell him, I'll wear other folks hair if I please.

I know a lady who after losing her hair to chemo got hair extensions sown in when her new hair was long enough and it made her feel better. When a person feel better, they heal better.

There are a few downsides to hair extensions depending on your hair type and so forth, it can cause more damage to your "real" hair then you might want it too. But overall, I think if YOU enjoy you new hair, then ENJOY it.

Just like there are MANY women who ADORE fake nails.

Extensions is NOT a permanent solution. It is for a short while, so honey, have fun with it as long as you can. Now when you grow them out maybe talk to your hairdresser on advice to grow your own hair longer if YOU prefer that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012):

Staceily is right, she said it perfect.

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A female reader, Staceily United States +, writes (9 November 2012):

Staceily agony auntNo men don't care that much. I wear extensions all the time, be it clip in ones, but my husband likes them because I like them. They make me love my hair and feel pretty, what is there for him to dislike? At first when I contemplated buying them he made the same remarks, it's fake hair, isn't that weird? etc. But now he is used to it and enjoys when I get dressed up. I think your boyfriend's questions are normal. I think he then rolls his eyes and smiles because it's you, he doesn't get it but your explanation and how you like them make you who you are. Which makes him smile. Hope that makes sense. Don't take it personally and don't take out your hair. He finds it to be over the top or unnecessary since you are beautiful without any fake hair and rolls his eyes at the fact you feel you need them, very common. Doesn't mean he dislikes the hair. I'm sure if you took them out he would ask "Why did you do that? I said they looked good! Gosh."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012):

If you like them then keep them in. He's being really unfair by making these comments to you when he knows you like them. Maybe he is upset about all the attention you are now getting? That could be why he said they looked good then started saying differently again? Either way, it's his issue not yours - if you like them then that's all that matters. For what it's worth, my boyfriend rolls his eyes when I buy expensive make up or go to a tip salon for my highlights but I just ignore him! He's a guy and they have no clue sometimes :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012):

Why not just have them taken out, and grow your hair out for real? I used to have short hair, and I knew my husband preferred long. He even used to look at women with long hair when we went out together. I got tired of it, so I grew my hair out. It took me 2 years, but my hair went from shoulder length to waist length. He doesn't look at long hair on other women anymore. I feel good about myself, knowing my hair is real while I suspect those women he used to look at probably had extensions, because it just looked "too perfect".

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

Don't take them out to please him, you paid for them,its your head,and how you want to look.It doesn't matter what your friends think either,it's YOU that has to like them and you do.

Maybe his mates have said you look hot or something and it's made him look at you differently or your reasons for having them done?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012):

OP I think you're taking this too seriously.

"He said they look real and really good" so why are you just focusing on the fact that he personally probably doesn't like hair extensions in general?

OP why when everyone including him have complimented you on them are you taking his minor distaste for hair extensions so seriously? He probably liked you with shorter hair a bit more, but it's not his hair OP and he's already made it clear your hair length is largely irrelevant to him and that you look great and they look natural.

Seems to me like you're looking for a reason to hate them. this lady had a similar problem to you OP, a woman projecting her insecurities onto her boyfriend when he largely doesn't give a shit and certainly doesn't attach the same importance to them.

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-used-to-idolise-his-friends-body45.html

OP I'll say what I told the lady in that post. He's a guy, we don't wear hair extensions, fake tan, bras, make up, we don't really give a shit about any of those things in the way you do. So he may not like them all that much, what does he know? he's a guy. Are you going to ask him which tampon is the best for an unusually heavy flow this month and get pissed off because it's not the brand you usually use?

When it comes to hair extensions, make up, tampons don't ask us what we really don't care about OP or put unnecessary importance into what we think about them.

I'm not fond of make-up, fake tan etc. I think my girlfriend looks better with none of that on. When she does put them what do I think? I don't give a damn, I'm not going to jump around for joy, flapping my arms and squeal in delight. And she doesn't care because she knows it's just a matter of personal taste and what she does with her body, what makes her feel good is all good by me.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (8 November 2012):

person12345 agony auntOh brother. Tell him to snap out of it! Most women are fake to some extent, why should he take offense at this? Does he think most women's boobs are really that round? Most women's lips are naturally shiny? Most women's cheeks are peach (seriously, who flushes peach)? You get the picture.

Maybe you should have him watch the movie "Hair." It talks about weaves and hair extensions and relaxing treatments among black women. It's worth watching just for the scenes when they talk to the men and ask, "Are you ever allowed to touch your woman's hair?" And they all start laughing as if touching her hair is the craziest thing they'd ever heard.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (8 November 2012):

chigirl agony auntGuys don't hate extensions on other girls. Or even on a one night stand. But yes, I imagine many a guy would dislike them on his girlfriend unless he enjoys her being fake. Which would not be a good sign for your relationship.

Sorry, it's not that it makes you a bad person, or a fake person. But lets face it. Your hair is fake. And a guy who loves you loves YOU, and would not like it if you put something fake on. Every guy I've ever dated preferred me without makeup and without fancy clothing. Preferably without any clothing at all. But it all comes down to this: they like us natural. And they want the light on so they can see and enjoy every bump on our bodies.

Same reason guys in general don't like fake boobs. Sure, some might like big boobs, but even those men like 'em natural, and would rather have natural small breasts over big fake ones.

Of course, there's one for each of us, and some men don't have an opinion on fake hair, boobs etc, and some actually enjoy it. But some men are also attracted to facial hair on women. They aren't in the majority.

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