A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I absolutely don't know where to meet guys. At work most of guys are married or involved or much older, plus it's not a good idea to date anyone from work.In Gym where I go to, there is never any interaction. I just work out there 3 times a week and go home. Only once i talked to a guy, and we still hi to each other. I think he flirted with me, but he is not my type, so I didn't welcome his flirting.The only place basically that's left is where people drink, because it seems to me it's kind of official place for people to meet each other.I m not a big drinker, so I don't go very often to bars. But even when I go everyone I meet there is on a mission, you know what I mean.Yesterday I went with a friend, and we started talking to these 2 cute guys. They never asked us our names. One of them never looked at us, he acted completely disinterested. Another asked questions, and then I couldn't believe it, asked us the same questions only few minutes later. I have an impression that guys that I meet in bars they all on drugs or drunk.I belong to some clubs for my hobbies, I 've met some men there, but not the ones I would date. They are good friends, but we hardly get any new members, it's the same people.I m nearing 30, clubs were never my thing. I have a good job, nice car, nice house. The last boyfriend I had was 3 years ago.Most of my friends are married. Some already have kids. I I don't want to enroll on dating sites, as I really don't like The filtering process. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): Don't rule out online dating! I did it years back and hated it. I gave it another whirl and it was so much fun for me this time :) You can really pick and choose who you are interested in. I was dating online for about 4 months before I met my love. You do have to go through a lot of weeds before you meet your flower. So many people do it these days. You just have to be patient, careful and true to yourself. I was currently married with kids. My boyfriend was as well. We have been together for 1 year and a half and live together now. We are so happy :)My bf and I agreed that going to bars is pretty much a no win situation. I found that with online, you can be totally yourself and put yourself out there. If someone likes you? Than that is a good start.Good luck to you and keep us posted!
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Men approach you but none to your liking. You want them to come to you as you're not prepared to approach them. I think that's more of a problem than not knowing where to meet them. It doesn't matter where you go, those two things will be a barrier. Either have more realistic expectations or be more proactive and approach the men you want.
You seem to expect to just sit back and have the perfect guy come to you. I don't know how realistic that is.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Hi
I didn't think you weren't pretty, but maybe a change of appearance would be a good idea,just to feel different. If men like you and approach you, then maybe its YOUR taste that limits you. Bars aren't the best place to meet men anyway,unless its maybe your local where you get to know people.
If you don't want to use online dating - which I understand - then why not an old fashioned Dating Agency?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): No, cheegirl, i will stick to cute guys, at least cute in my eyes. If there is no chemustry, there will be no chemistry. It doesnt mean I m being shallow, on opposite, i need him to have other quality too, but i deffinitely want someone who i like physically, because i want to have sex with this person, and i need to like him this way. Otherwise, how would it be fare to a man, if date him, hoping that one day i will start liking him?I m not that picky, at least i dont think so. The guy that i want needs to have a job, and yes, i want him to have an education like myself.I dont think you can call it being very picky to have a partner equal to you.Also i need a guy to be in good shape physically. I like people who take care of themselves, hygiene is important also. But thats about it. Of course, no bad habbits. I dont thin its too much to ask, or pickiness.I dated and date quite a bit, as far as my experience goes. I had one long term relationship that lasted 2 years, and several shorter terms, like 2 months, 6 months, 1 year, 9 months. Enough to understand what i want or dont want
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 You meet guys through friends. That's the by far most common way to meet new people- through other people. Also, don't be shallow. A "cute guy" can be a dickhead and a "not my type" can be mr. dreamy. If you're picky then it's going to take years and years before you find anyone to your liking. How much have you dated before? How much relationship experience do you have? If you have plenty, then okay, you know what you're going for and you know what you need in a guy. But if you're low on experience, then being picky can be your doom. Not knowing what you want, and just going by looks alone, will mean you're missing out on the red flags because you are too busy judging his appearance. Him being cute doesn't mean squat when he's cheating on you. Him being not your type at first (his looks will grow on you once you develop feelings), but being honest and loyal... Well, THAT is what you actually need and want in a guy. Not Bambi eyes, but honesty and loyalty.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 You are meeting guys a plenty it seems but none are to your liking.
So... what do you like?
If you want to catch the fish, you got to be the fish. Who is this Mr Right, what does he do, where does he go to do it? Then go there and hook him.
You said it yourself, people are on a mission when they go places, if you don't want the guy who just wants to pick up chicks, then don't bother with places those guys hang out.
The local meat market is for one night stands both sides understand that.
Also, something to consider, if you have been single for long, it gets kinda comfortable. You can do what you want, when you want as often as you want. And interacting with others, let alone dating, becomes something of chore.
When at the gym, do you have headphones on? It is so comfortable right, just your own space. Well that is what I did and gosh, no women talked to me at all! I couldn't have been more closed to meeting new people if I had written "GET LOST" on my shirt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Thank you all for answering and for interesting suggestions, i like the one with board games.
I just want to comment on some of responces.
Oldbag:I am a pretty woman, may be not a model type, but pretty. Men like me, its not that i m lacking attention from them, but what kind of attention. In bars they are just looking for some action that particular night. I ve been only asked out twice from my bar ventures out of all the guys that i talked to there.
I simply dont have time for new hobbies, frankly. I m very busy at work, my week someitmes is longer than 40 hours. And i dont want to drop my excisting hobbies as i like them very much, and friends i met there.
about being flirtatious. Its true, im lacking in this area, i ve been told. But i can deffintely let a guy know that i like him. I could never approach a guy, its not the way i was brought up. I know times changed, but i would really need to become a different person to ask a guy out.
I tried dating sites awhile ago, and it was just awfull. I mnot going to go into details, but i didnt have a good experience. Yes, i know plenty of people who did that and found their mates. May be in awhile i will go back to that, but not now.
Also, i m a friendly type, i WILL talk, if i m talked to. I m not nessesaraly will just start a conversation, but i deffinitely not a person who is not responsive.
Thank you all again
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 November 2012):
 If it's so that all sorts of people go there... I'd say that going to a LIBRARY is a great way to expose yourself to good prospects.....
I volunteer at my local library.... and the people who come in include OOOOODLES of beautiful and interesting-looking ladies..... I guess if I looked,,,.. I'd find the same thing about men....
P.S. I'm willing to wager that a lot of them can - and DO - read!!! (Not something that you can be so certain of with those who you meet in many places!!!!)....
Good luck...
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 November 2012):
 It sounds like you are an active person and that is a good sign. I do agree with you that work is generally a bad place to look for available dates: when things go bad, there is no hiding from one another...
I would suggest that you be more aggressive in your search. Have you actively sought out interesting guys or are you waiting to be hit on? Sometimes guys are hesitant to talk to women out of fear of rejection. Why not take initiative for yourself and learn to flirt? Many good men are just afraid to make the first move... if a guy interests you, talk control!
I would also encourage you to rethink the dating sites. It seems to be a very convenient, safe, and easy way to meet people. Yes, you will have to wade through a lot of losers, but ultimately you should be able to find someone to go out with.
Also, be sure that you carry yourself with a positive countenance. If you look sad, hostile, desperate or uncomfortable, it will be transmitted through your body language and turn off potential suitors.
Finally be patient. If meeting people was easy, the dating sites would be out of business. I would suggest you continue to broaden your horizons by trying new things that interest you. Never stop learning about what makes you, you. The guys are out there and they come here complaining that it is equally hard to meet women like you. Just keep your eyes and heart open for the opportunity and it will happen.
Good luck.
Eddie
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Board Game conventions. Seriously. its about 80% male...some married, some single.... all nice.
THE only problem with board gammers is we are all social awkward... IT's almost like a meeting of the Asperger's Society... but that means we are all accepting of everyone... and to be honest if you are not you are ejected from the group if you are vocal enough.
I met my husband playing board games... I know many couples who meet this way.
IF you are the east coast we have a huge convention (about 1500) people every August in Lancaster PA
http://www.boardgamers.org/
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reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Ha! I love Oldhag's last suggestion - hardware stores on a Sunday. Might have to see if that works for me....
Seriously though, are you sure you want to completely rule out online dating? If you do your research and join a decent site (usually one you have to pay for to weed out the jokers), the filtering processes are no different to real life except that you're judging a photo and so you have no idea about chemistry until you meet up.
I joined a local community group recently hoping it'll broaden my social circle. Maybe you could do something similar?
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (8 November 2012):
 I saw an article just the other day on best places to meet people.
http://www.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=4525&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1371150
Aside from what you have already said and what's in that article I'm out of options for you. You are limiting yourself A LOT. Online dating works really well but if you want no part in that I don't know what to say. I met my husband through a dating site because I also couldn't meet people at work, I don't like drinking or bars, and I had met all my friend's friends to date. So outside of you stumbling across your soulmate it's all I could think of.
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reader, oldbag +, writes (8 November 2012):
Hi
Ok if you have guy friends or relatives that you trust, ask them the best way to meet men.
Then ask girlfriends about your appearance,hair, clothes,make-up. Look on it as a project re-invent yourself to be the best you can be. I am not saying your not attractive but there is always room for improvement, I know there is with me!
Then armed with this new info it sets you on a new path. Failing that hang around hardware or DIY stores on a Sunday
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Erm well if you dont like bars, dont want to talk to men in the gym, dont want any more hobbies and dont want to try online dating then I'm sorry but there isnt anywhere else to meet people I'm afraid, aside from spotting a cute guy walking down the street and walking over to him!
Bars are your standard place to meet people, yes a lot of guys in there will be drunk or looking for one thing only, but you might eventually find a decent one if you go out frequently enough. However you said you dont really go very often, so unless you start going more frequently this isnt going to work for you.
As for the gym - why not try making more eye contact with the cute guys, smile at them, say hi etc - rather than just working out and going home you need to put a bit more effort in! Men these days dont often approach women, we are not in a traditional world anymore where men always approach the girls, you have to do some work I'm afraid.
I dont really know what you mean by the 'filtering' process with online dating, but I'm surprised that you are ruling it out so quickly. You sound like an interesting person but you are not the kind of person that likes the traditional routes of meeting people, so online dating should be right up your street.
At least with online dating they are not (well not often!) drunk, on drugs etc - you can look at their profile before you even speak to them, check to see if they are compatible then send a message. And with the amount of people on dating sites you will have far more opportunities than what you would get in a bar or gym.
I met my boyfriend online, we are now living together. My friend's brother and his partner met online, they have just got married. My work colleague is up to date 4 now with a lovely man she met online. Another work colleague is in a steady relationship with a man she met online after I recommended a particular site to her. The more I see and hear about online dating the more I wonder why people are so afraid or wary of it - after all it is so much better to get to know someone slowly over email or text before you go out on a date with them to make sure you are 100% compatible.
Why bother wasting time in a loud bar shouting over the music at a drunk guy when you can check out their profile before you even start talking, and then take things at a pace that suits you.
But if you are adament you wont even try it, then I guess you are pretty much stuck - either you start approaching a lot more guys anywhere and everywhere, or things will stay the same as they are now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): try meetup groups of interest in your area, just google meet ups where you live, also try internet dating/friend sites, museums, lectures at local colleges/universities, coffee houses, and concerts, good luck!
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female
reader, stardustblue +, writes (8 November 2012):
 try meetup groups of interest in your area, just google meet ups where you live, also try internet dating/friend sites, museums, lectures at local colleges/universities, coffee houses, and concerts, good luck
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