A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, Please help. I have been seeing my bf for around four months. We have got closer than ever recently, but I have found that when we spend some nice quality time together and he is loving and caring, he throws a spanner in the works a few days later, and I don;t know why. An example is this. We spent the night togther on sunday night. We had a lovely evening, and then I left on monday morning. Anyway, I texted him on monday evening - no response, then I tried to call him tuesday morning. I called him from my mobile, so he saw my number come up. He did not answer, and the phone seemed to go dead after a few rings so i tired again.No answer, and cut off. So I texted and said ' Hi, can you give me a call back' Thanks. and he still has not called back. He usually does .. eventually, like later or the next day, but I don;t understand why he does this kind of thing in the first place? he has done it before on a few occasions. it;s like he gets all close, then runs miles and destroys things. It leaves me hurt, confused and upset. I don;t feel used by him, and feel we are getting closer, so why does he do this? he said the only time he does not answer his phone is if he is doing something, but otherwise his phone is on. He always shows up to see me, is usually always available and wants to see me, and is loving and attentive when we do see each other, so I don;t get this avoidant behaviour that happens afterwards? Is it me not giving him enough space? does he want me to chase him? ( which I won;t), is he hiding something? is he trying to tell me something? or am I overeacting? How should I deal with this? Thanks xxx
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Hiya :),
Yes I think it would. He is obviously not just going into a cave as much as also forming a protective shell round himself and his feelings *as well* as going into his cave. In that sense I wouldn't worry about this too much; just talk to him about it, good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all. Thank you for taking the time to answer me. X yes, i think he does go into his cave,and yes. There is also baggage with the ex.he is seperated from her,but there is lots of contact,because of the kids. Would this account for his behaviour at all? X
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (19 July 2011):
This does sound a bit odd but it could have a number of explanations; not necessarily the worst one which I tend to think your leaping to assume it is. It could actually be that he is carrying some baggage from previous relationships or that he withdraws into his shell because when you leave it upsets him because he misses you.
I would be weary of making too much of this but because it is obviously getting too you and it seems it will continue too I suggest you talk to him about it. Don't be confrontational and dont articulate any of your concerns at first; just be subtle and say 'ive noticed you go quiet and I wonder why....'Don't make a big thing of it and play it by ear from there.
I think the odds are you will find there is a perfectly reasonable and not a bad explanation. Good luck :)x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): It's his cave time, he's just a guy - please read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". You'll see it's nothing to be worried about.
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