A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya. Newlywed here. Only been married for 3 weeks now.Had a great wedding. Small but intimate. Just family, eight close friends of mine, four friends of my husband, that's it.Not even been on honeymoon yet and still in that warm glow. No post-wedding depression. Yet.We're meant to be honeymooning in Hawaii soon enough.6 weeks time in fact.But here's the big issue.My new husband said he can't wait for things to become humdrum, he claims "It's the point we know we've really made it as a married couple when everything becomes humdrum."I've been with him since I was 21, and really love him but wonder if this is a bit odd.I met him through a co-worker at the restaurant I worked in at the time when I was 20, and he was a friend of a friend.Why would a newlywed want to skip to the humdrum parts when we've barely been married that long?Is this a sign of commitment or a bit worrying?How would you feel if you were in my situation?Am I worrying over nothing or has he got a point??Confused.Need help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2022): Congratulations! I wish you both the best!
I really think it's a matter of semantics. He might have meant when your marriage becomes domesticated, harmonious, settled, peaceful and content. Well-established, after overcoming a few challenges and working the kinks out. Odd choice of words, but you should have had him elaborate on the meaning of "humdrum."
People settle-down at a certain point in marriage, they'll finish each-others sentences, they easily resolve their disagreements; and they can almost read each-other's minds with just a look. Watch your grandparents, or a happily-married older-couple who've been together for years and years. They have a way of getting along, even when they seem to be having a fight! They're cranky and they bicker; but they won't leave each-other's side. If one passes away, the other soon follows!
He wants a peaceful harmonious-marriage. That's a good thing! He wants to grow old with you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2022): Just let me ease your mind on this.
Your husband isn't dismissing the excitement of the moment but a he's well aware that life does not exist on peak experiences alone.
He is just expressing that he wants the relationship to last.
Far too many people expect violins and poetry all the time.
In films the boring parts of life are always idealised.
For example male partner comes into the shot of house in disarray.. but kids quietly sleeping and he doesn't notice the mess or give a hand cleaning up...no ....he notices the curve of light on his beautiful wife's face and the sensuous outline of her silhouette where she's resting on the couch and he runs his hand gently across her face as gentle piano music tells the viewer he is about to stroll into erotic activity!
Cut to reality: wife says : ' why are you waking me up I was just getting some much needed rest and the twins are finally asleep...oh.no..you've just woken them up...etc.'
So humdrum reality would be that hubby only had time to grab a sandwich and go back to work.
Or childminder would be with kids and open door in a slightly annoyed manner
( cos kids just gone to sleep and if he wasn't checking up on her he would have remembered to take his packed lunch)!
Or more typically he'd be eating in a cafe because it isn't worth the time to go back and forth.
Humdrum reality is just the ordinary bits that can mesh you together or drive you apart.
Your husband wants it to last. He even want boring and humdrum daily life to be sustaining enough for you both.
It is wonderful to have peak experiences like holidays, fiestas, feasts and fabulous barbques, but life throws many a curved ball and it's difficult to know if what you regard as normality can last forever.
So in a way you want to find out that you are compatible on many levels, not just romantic fulfilment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2022): "Humdrum " seems to be a fashionable word , there are two other posts in the same day about "humdrum "....Anyway - tecnicamente humdrum means " boringly monotonous", "lacking excitement ", so it would have an implicit negative connotation, but many people use it ,and take it to mean, just as "uneventful,unexceptional " ,basically : normal.Regular.
I guess that's what a partner could mean.It's easy to be all one over each other and thrilled to be together when there is something special going on ,ike a honeymoon, or when everybody is making a fuss about you as newlyweds and your couple is in the limelight.
Then,though, you have to stand the test of time and be happy to be together and able to get along well also in your daily routine ,even if it is not particularly exciting.
Maybe your partner is curious and esagerato to get to that stage.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (6 June 2022):
 It is a strange thing to say I must admit, especially at the beginning of a marriage.
I guess potentially you have known him for nearly 20 years so i guess you are both very settled together.
I don't think I would be too concerned about this to be honest. Guess its like saying I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and grow old and grey together. While he is out mowing the lawn, your inside preparing a lovely pie for dinner. Maybe he was just referring to way further down the line.
Enjoy your trip to Hawaii in 6 weeks.
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A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (6 June 2022):
Well, some people like a simple life and would prefer to give large gatherings and exotic holidays a miss if they had the choice. Perhaps your husband is one of those.
Or maybe "humdrum" is just becoming fashionable these days.... after all the word appears in 3 of the new posts that have been published today.
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