A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have posted a few items now and I am sure a number of you will recognise which ones when I write on.... this is another post to see if I can tap into your wisdom again.My girlfriend and I get ever closer and also ever closer to having our baby, due Jan 2011. She is such a wonderful young lady and beautiful to say the least - she lights up my life everyday and I am so lucky to have such a beautiful girl - such a genuine loving girlfirend whom I know want me and me alone forever.The dilemma:Because she was a sex worker and has spoken in honesty about her past I have too much information including age of the men, some as old as perhaps 70yrs, young as 18yrs. Colour, size, health etc etc.I want so badly to get over her past but seem to continue to struggle. We have spoken openly and I have told her I want so badly to get this stuff out of my head and she and I have agreed not to give up on each other because everything else is so right - its just dragging me down.Why am I feeling like this - why does this bug me so much - why cant I get these images out my head - why do I feel so insecure about this etc etc
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male
reader, Pyroshadow  +, writes (29 November 2010):
@Gabrielle Stoker
"Her sexual past means little, trust me."
OP, You don't have to listen to comments like that or even acknowledge them. The problem you are having, most women just can not understand. I learned to boldly ignore their advice and to make strong comparisons to get them to go away.
@Gabrielle Stoker
We appericate you trying to help, really. But you don't understand it. Tell him he is wrong and that how he feels doesnt matter DOES NOT HELP.
A
male
reader, Pyroshadow +, writes (29 November 2010):
Media saya you should like real thin girls and large breasts. Not everyone does. A larger penis is only more visually appealing. since your lady knows what it feels like too be with different sizes she really knows what she wants and clearly she likes your size. So be happy she loves your penis the way out is!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would always look after my girlfriend and our baby no matter what - just not sure whether I can let this shit go out of my head or not. I have already bought 3 houses for her and her sisters and given her cash and even put her and our baby in my will - there is no question of my support.
I just want to be in love with her without this pain I am feeling. She is so cute, beautiful, loving and sensitive - my family have fallen in love with her - they dont know her past - I would always protect her integtrety - I too love her.
Why am I finding it so hard to let the past go?
If I had a 10inch dick I think I would find it easier.... I wake up with visions of her being pounded by huge cocks and normally well built hansome guys - she always says she hated all of it and that if I did have a 10inch dick she wouldn't be with me but I somehow cant believe thats true. After all why would the world be so intent on making a big dick so cool - even TV shows refer to it - when women party and meet up they talk about big ones - this first topic of conversation for girls in new relationships is "does he have a big one"....
She says she loves my size, she comes often 2-3times in one love making session and says she also loves my tongue - regardless of this my brain says, great but if I was hung like some of the other guys she has been with it would be even better - I just cant help compare myself with them.
emotional intangible's such as I love you so sex is great versus tangible you have a big dick so sex is great is difficult for a man to weigh up - the later makes so much more sense.
When I was young I refrained from having sex with a few girls on dates because I heard they had been with guys with big ones and I felt so insecure and inadequate - this is the same now...
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (26 November 2010):
 If she did this because she had to...most likely she has already paid enough. I am sure those years of prostitution were horrible for her and were times she herself would like to forget, just as you would.
You know, in a way, my own feeling is that is she had slept around with many guys rather than being a prostitute it would have been much harder for me to get past. That would mean she was promiscuous and I would doubt her ability to have a lasting relationship. But she was not promiscuous--she was trying to survive. It seems that she trusts you enough to tell you all this. That shows she considers someone close and important in her life.
But I know that accepting this is NOT easy, and that it is going to take time. You should not feel angry at yourself or rushed. My suggestion is to just remind yourself of the good things about her that you love and try to keep those in mind to balance out your other thoughts. Otherwise you might let those thoughts of her past engulf you and prevent from appreciating why you chose her in the first place.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Just a couple of things - If you're talking about her having to 'pay' for what she's done, that's getting into rather dangerous, judgmental territory. Being driven to prostitution as an 'economic refugee' of sorts is difficult to classify as a 'crime' that has to be atoned for, now that we are past the Victorian age. Especially not by someone who uses those services.
Also, given what you've said about her past - the rape she suffered as a child, the difficult living conditions and so on, don't you think she's paid her dues before she even got into the profession that bothers you so much?
At the end of the day, you have a choice whether to choose happiness or self-torture. If you are going to doubt her all your life, it's best to work out a settlement for your child (while I hope you do intend to take some interest in the child - your post makes it appear you're comfortable leaving this girl to take care of the child the best she can which would strike most people as being rather callous) financially at least and let her be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe last few days has been better but my mind does go back to it. Its a difficult situation cos I know we both love each other but in my mind I am not sure I can let go of the past - something is holding me back almost like by letting go I am letting her get away with it - its like she has to somehow prove to me that she is in morning over the past and regrets it - I don't understand my feelings about this but for some reason its almost like I need her to pay for the past before I can then let it go otherwise I feel somehow kinda cheated.
I have heard of people with the courage to be able to forgive someone that murdered they loved ones - amazing. I obviously couldnt do this - this is kinda how I feel about this - its kinda, does she really think that she can have a normal life with a normal bloke like me after all her past and think she can just get away with it - surely somewhere she has to pay for what she has done.
I know that all sounds bizzare but why won't I just let it go, why cant I let it go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): Her past really wasn't a secret to you. You didn't meet her at the library or a supermarket. I guess you just have to decide if you can live with it or not. I would guess that a woman in her position would have to "turn off" to do such things. It sounds like it really was a means of survival for her with the hopes of finding someone like you as a way out of a horrible situation. I have struggled with my wife's past, too. Nothing like your story, but she foolishly made comments about her previous lover being well-hung, having lots of stamina, and being able to please her in certain positions. I don't begrudge her having a past, but I really don't want to know any of the "gory" details. It has caused me a lot of insecurities that I probably wouldn't have had if I was oblivious to the details. What has helped me is asking the question, "Am I special to her?" She dumped the wonder-cock stallion to be with me and start a family. So I guess I'm doing something right. Seems like you are too. If you both really love each other, put it behind you and try not to dwell on it.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (24 November 2010):
The OP's follow-up states that she only really enjoyed it with a 'handful' of people. That's where I was coming from. The point being, while dealing with her past will obviously be difficult (after all, at this stage we as outsiders do not even know whether the OP is really the man she loves or her ticket out of hell), whether it is worth it depends on factors other than her past.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): I'll go ahead and politely disagree with Gabrielle on the aspect of sexual past. A woman can have a past and be with a lot of men and regret it and learn from it cause of her mistakes and consequences suffered...and move on. I know a woman like this and if she was single Id be after her. Now, if a woman say has sex or whatever with 300 or 400 men and enjoys each one or the majority and she has no regrets, then my friend you have a serious problem. Why? Cause it shows shes not a committed woman and the risk, not necessarily for sure, but its a risk she will cheat cause shes a nympho and thus she is completely unreliable in the relationship. If she regrets these experiences and takes them back and most importantly has specifically told you how she's learned from her past so she can be a better person, then that is a sure sign of something positive. Hope this rambling helps lol. Good luck pal.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (24 November 2010):
That is a sad, but I suppose fairly common story. I don't have much to say - it's a decision you need to make yourself, after all.
I'd like to draw your attention to one thing though - you said that she stopped the protitution gig cold turkey after she met you. (if I interpreted correctly). That's generally a good sign. Apart from that, just consider the future...do you see her making you happy? Do you get the sense that she is with you only because you are her passport to a better life? Or is there something more to it?
Her sexual past means little, trust me. I've been with more than my fair share of men and yet, each time I am with my boyfriend it IS special - whether it's sex, breakfast together or just watching a TV show. His presence makes it...different, somehow.
Is she that special person for you? Are you that special person for her? The answer to those questions is important. 300 men, or 500 men, is just a number...in fact I can well beleive that she neither enjoyed it not cared much for it.
(Oh, and by the way, I'd prefer the 6 inches to 10 any day. Beyond around 4.5 inches, it hardly matters.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionin answer to ones question above - she came into this line of work on the back of the following:
Age 7-9years old she was raped 3 times by her sisters husband (she is from the Philippines, very poor province).
She did have much money nor the family and helped by working as a maid from age 12-13yrs.
Age 18yrs both parents died (independently of dif causes).
She had heard other girls had good lives by going to Angeles city (AC) - a province that is basically left over from a US Air base which is now hot for sex tourism.
Other than the rape she had never even kissed a man up until she was nearly 21yrs old - this being only 2 years ago.
She asked a friend to sell a pig so that she could pay for her trip to AC.
The day she arrived she got laid for money and has admitted being laid almost every day and sometimes 3 to 5 times in 1day.
When I ask her what drove her to this she says:
No body gave a shit about me - no parents and my two sisters are losers. She said she didn;t want to end up like her parents nor her sisters with loser husbands - both sisters have 4 and 6 kids all from diferent men. She said she didnt want this.
She said she basically worked out that she had a 50% survival chance from being killed in the line of duty but for sacrificing hersrlf, mind, soul and body there was a chance that she might get what another girl had from her province had - a white boyfriend, some security, food on the table, a place to live and eventually maybe even love this guy, have a family and be happy like normal girls. This is what she says...
She says it was only sex and that she doesn't even really remember it cos she just focused on the money and opportunity - she did meet one or two guys she eventually grew to like and a few she did eventually grew to enjoy the sex too but only a handful over the 2year period.
She says I am her first proper man and although she has fucked perhaps 300-500 men I am the only man that has made her feel the way she does.
I am in some ways ashamed that I feel so uptight by all of this but I don't want to just love her because I feel sorry for her, I want to be in love with her - love her with all she is but whether she fucked these men out of pleasure or more than likely out of necessity, its still a fuck!
I am average in size and she has had hundreds of different sizes. She says size doesn't matter - we discussed if she loved two men exactly like me and one was 10inch's the other only 6inch's which one she would enjoy the most and she says that there would absolutely no difference - I find that hard to believe....
I have asked her after all she has been thru 'what has she got left for me', she says her love - its so difficult to look past all this - I recognise the past is the past but this is no ordinary situation. The average girl is thought to have slept with 20-30 girls in a lifetime - she has slept with 300-500 men in 2years from a standing start having never even kissed a guy to fucking them day in day out - how can she have something left for me? She says she does, she says she loves makin glove to me, she says she feels normal and has no signs, no feelings of remorse or anger. She says she has forgotten all of this (the last guy that paid for sex with her was the day before I met her) I also paid for sex with her that day and over the next few days fell in love with her.
What a choice - she did bamboozle me into our relationship and over many months has gradually had to come clean about things which I nievely didn't see or believe or didnt want to believe.
I guess my choice is hang in there and hope this will get better otherwise leave her - the later would send her stright back to where she originally was so deserate to get away from - her province and this time with a child - maybe no one of the many like her sister - I have bought her some land and have built a house for her and her two sisters (3 houses that is). The land will also produce a harvest so no food worries - maybe it was all worth it for her in the end!!
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A
female
reader, miss troubled  +, writes (21 November 2010):
please try to forgive her because she loves you alot and so does you.. so never let any such thing as past come between your valuable relationship. please think that you also had a past and even if you leave her whom are you going to have in your who didn't have a past because in today's world everyone has a past.one more reason which you can give to yourself for justification is that she did all this when she never knew you, when she never imagined that you will come in her life...im sure (and you know this more better than me or anyone else) that if she would have known that someone like you is going to enter in her life than she would never have done anything like this except waiting for you. so please dont let such things come in your mond and pollute what you call a beautiful relationship because true love is hard to find. and not everything in life comes perfact to you always keep in mind that you can never find any1 like her and ask yourself would you go for some1 with no past and leave your girlfriend??????? im sure not only the answer but the solution of your problem will come in your mind.
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (21 November 2010):
 I have read many posts about guys who are struggling to accept their partner's past sexual history. Your case is a little different because your girlfriend was a sex worker. How did she get involved in this line of work? Was she forced into it and kept there against her will, did she fall on hard times, or did she see it as a great way to make lots of money?
Also, why did she divulge so many details about the guys she was with? I suspect you pressured her for details, and now you can't get these visual descriptions out of your head. Stop comparing yourself to these men! They were only using her... not trying to impress her with their prowess. I'm sure your girlfriend was disgusted by most, if not all of these guys... but you are building them up in your imagination to be these hot lovers that she must fantasizing about. Relax, and stop torturing yourself for no reason!
I am interested to hear how she ended up in this line of work. And... congratulations for the upcoming birth of your baby!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): All guys are different and thats why some have no problem having relationships with (current or former) sex workers. There are many guys who would feel the same as you do. But if you truly love this woman then you just have to remember, as you clearly seem to already know, that of all the men she's met in her life, she wants you and only you. Nothing wrong with knowing her history. But the less you talk about it with her from now on, the quicker you might be able to reconcile it with yourself.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (21 November 2010):
I was in a situation that, although quite different because I was not in a romantic relationship with the girl, was similar in that I struggled with her past. I had a crush on a girl I was friends with even though I knew she had done porn, escort work, and was STILL doing the occasional trick for money. I know it is VERY different from yours since you are in a serious relationship with a baby on the way, but I thought I might relay some of what I struggled with and how I made peace with it.I figured out what was bothering me when I envisioned a future with her was mostly her sincerity. I wondered if since she had been with so many men whether I could ever trust her when if she said she loved me. After all, she was (and is) an expert at charming men and using her physical attributes to exploit them (and be exploited by them). Also, if we ever had sex, would she always be comparing me to others? How would I really be different from everyone else.Someone very wise on Dear Cupid helped me with this. She asked that the main question to find out was whether she truly liked me: did she try to support me? did we share things together? did we respect each other? would she sacrifice her time to help me as I would her? These questions were the ones I should be focusing on rather than her past, this Agony Aunt said. And she was right.I think you will always be insecure, just like everyone in love is. But the focus should be on the present. After a career of being used by men, she took a chance with you, and trusted you with her emotions and her future. That says a lot already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): ok..for one when you hear the person you love tell you all about their past sex life, it tends to get to us. basically because when you love someone to a certain degree some where in our mind we want to believe that they've only been touched/loved etc.. by us! it's life. some people are built to handle truth and reality of situations better than others, I do not think you should let that continue to drag u down tho because you said you love her!! and that she loves you and you're secure about that right? if so let it go! yes it will pop in to your head time to time but try to move away from that thought everytime it resurfaces or you will mess up a good relationship.. everyone has a past some good, some bad some just what it is. the point tho is it's the PAST! if it has nothin to do with the present dnt let it be apart of your life now! dnt be insecure over something that's not going on..and insecurities has nothing to do with a persons past it has to with you! age, color and all that you said before about known too much information as far as what she told you, you shouldnt of kept listening to it. once you knew you couldnt handle known you should of told her its not necessary for you to knw every detail. always be honest about how u feel but dnt let irrasional feelings get in the way of your everyday!!hope this helps
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