A
female
age
36-40,
*uman-mishra
writes:Its been two year i am dating my boyfriend. Last year when my birthday came,i thought he will plan something special for me. I went to his home and when i asked him " where is my birthday gift" . He said i don't have any, i am always like this and i got upset and when he saw me upset he said he wanted to order some dress for me but he doesn't know my taste. After asking me he ordered a nice dress for me but i was not happy because he gave me that gift because i was upset not because he wanted to give. This year also he didn't bring me anything, again the same excuse. When i told me okay fine buy me some chocolates whenever you visit me.HE said i'll do it.. then i said okay don't buy leave it this time.Again he said okay i won't buy...i was very upset i told him clearly i want some chocolates.. he said okay i'll get you lots of chocolates. I am really confused what kind of guy he is... does he even love me ?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): Hi,
i also wanted to mention that if you expect gifts from your partner, then i am hoping that you are giving him gifts in return.
All receive and no give isn't a great recipe in a relationship, so always remember to give too.
I am not implying that you don't give him anything, but my comment was purely hypothetical.
If you expect anything material from your partner, then you too, must make the same effort.
For many people, gifts are important and it makes them feel happy to receive something from someone they love, however, it isn't what a great relationship is all about.
What's most important is the physical connection that the two of you have.
How you both connect intellectually, physically, spiritually, etc;.
Do you both love one another unconditionally?
This love, way surpasses and transcends any gift or any price tag.
"The gift of love is priceless", whereas material possessions are of lesser value.
Giving, in my personal view, is much nicer than receiving and when you give, give with an open heart and don't expect anything in return.
Coincidentally, when you give with an open heart and without expectation, you tend to receive ten fold and there is no need to ask.
Nobody likes to feel taken advantage of, but do remember, when you give anything to anybody, that is purely your choice to give, so if the recipient doesn't reciprocate, you cannot feel offended.
Again, as many readers have stated, you must ask for what you want and not play silly mind games with your partner.
I do agree with the fact that, a mere gift will not sustain your union, however, if it's that important to you, then ask.
It's that simple & when you do, do not change your mind, because if you confuse your partner, change your mind, play games in general, you cannot expect him to take you seriously.
I suspect you are not playing games, however, this is your "desperate" way of crying out to him for attention, expectation and hopeful change.
I wish you the very best. :-)
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf +, writes (5 March 2016):
 Very selfish of you to play games with him, one minute you say you want chocolates, the next you say no? How very confusing of you! To even expect something? i never expect and have never even asked my husband for anything. I just am grateful he is here w me and loves me. Presents and gifts mean nothing to me. it is all materialistic stuff. you place so much emphasis on MATERIALISTIC stuff. maybe you should reconsider what you are expecting from him as a partner in general? and really, what is most important to you? if materials and dresses and gifts are most important, then maybe you should either be single and work and treat yourself to it, or, you should find yourself a boyfrind who has $$$ and wants to spoil you with materialistic stuff. but you will find, that good men are a dime a dozen nowdays. rare. and if you have a good thing, why spoil it with unrealistic childish demands of 'give me give me give me'?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 March 2016):
 He is clearly one that deserves lowered expectations. Perhaps his priorities are much more simple like he thinks of himself first?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): Hi,
i agree with many points that the previous readers have expressed, however, the bottom line is, your bf isn't very thoughtful when it comes to you and why, well that's anybodys guess.
If i were to take a stab in the dark though, i would say maybe he's not totally committed to you, nor totally in love with you, as harsh as this comment may sound.
I do know from personal experience, that if a man is in love with you, if he truly cares about you and wants to make you even happier within your relationship, then buying you a gift, even the tiniest and least expensive gift, or the most elaborate gift, wouldn't be a hassle or an issue for him, pertaining to his budget.
In many cases, money is an issue, but even somebody who doesn't have much money, would still make an effort to spoil their partner on their birthday and to show them how much they're loved, appreciated and remembered, on this once a year day.
It's true that money cannot buy love, nor can any gift, however, if you have asked him to buy you something and he doesn't, then you seriously have to question his level of interest and commitment to you and your relationship.
You have given him mixed signals though and men do not like mixed signals, they like directness and no game playing or indecisiveness.
Be direct, but in a polite manner and you may be surprised with the results.
If this fails too, then maybe you need to move on and find somebody better, somebody who will appreciate you so much, that you won't even have to ask for any gifts, bec he'll just know.
All the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, LJCX  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 I guess I'd be a little disappointed if my boyfriend didn't buy me a birthday gift, it doesn't show a very caring side to him does it. But asking where your gift is is a little bit rude, then demanding he buy you chocolates and being in a bit of a mood about a dress he tried to buy you after isn't the best way to handle it.My sister's fiancé never got a gift off his mother for his birthday, she didn't even buy a gift for his child for his birthday either. I found that a little bit shocking! But it makes me realise that not everybody in the world give presents for birthdays.Strange as it may seem to the rest of us it's just something some people don't do. Is his family like that?Maybe it would be best to move on if you find it weird, but is he good to you in other ways? If this is the only issue you have with him then I'd forget about it. It's nicer to have a good boyfriend 99% of the time rather than 1% on a special occassion.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Ok, so your boyfriend doesn't appear to be investing much in this relationship, but I think you've been playing childish mind games.
It's very rude to ask where your birthday gift is. And it's ridiculous to say, when asked, that you want something, then say you don't. Make up your mind.
Gifts are not obligatory and if someone is kind enough to buy you one you should make it something they can easily find and afford. It would make sense to be direct about what you want and not leave someone guessing.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Maybe he doesn't do buying birthday presents, what kind of things do you buy him for his birthday?
You need to decide what you want from a man, if it's him being thoughtful and this guy is not trying hard enough then maybe it is time to move on and find someone who appreciates you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 So you've got a "boyfriend" who is a thoughtless clod....
Is THAT what you want for a "boyfriend"? ... or would you prefer to spend your time with a polite, thoughtFUL guy? If so.... then dump this one and start a new search for a new B/F.....
Good luck...
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