A
female
age
51-59,
*ragile100
writes:Hi everyone. I am feeling desperately sad after breaking up with my partner. My marriage ended 5 years ago, my choice, and I found new strength and freedom on my own. I met my partner after about a year and I was so in love. I had such high hopes for us, and at 43 (then) I thought it would be forever. He was everything I wanted and needed, so kind and loving, I felt reborn. But gradually things changed between us. My feelings were and are the same, I love him, but he became sometimes distant, sometimes not. He couldn't cope with any sort of conflict or disagreement and would either fly off the handle or walk away. My confidence and self esteem have gradually eroded, and now although I did finally have the courage to say 'enough', and end it, I feel old and worthless. I am 47, and I feel absolutely bleak about my future, and I miss him and the support (such as it was) he gave me. I feel utterly alone, and bereft. Please help. Xx
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Hi
47... You're a baby!!
You feel shit because he's made you feel shit.
If you had never met him and your life had been one where your nearest and dearest had made you feel good about yourself you wouldnt feel like this today.
Praise God that you are rid of him and look forward to the future x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): Hello. I was married for 15 years. I divorced 5 years ago aged 40 and since had one serious relationship. That ended as I realised my self esteem was low when I met him and he was wrong for me. I have felt like you do...despair. Being mid 40's is tough as men often aim for women 10 years their junior. I am single and getting to know myself possibly for the first time. I've invested in counselling which helped and have read about setting healthy boundaries. Life is beginning to have more purpose and I have days now I'm excited about the future. In other words I'm not hanging everything on finding a man. I would like a relationship but quality is important so I'm happy to wait. We are not on the shelf and I really believe when you focus on having fun and enjoying the things you've always wanted to try your confidence grows. I found self care really tough but I've started to get a massage once a month and treat myself to a mini spa evening at home. I've re vamped my look on a minimal budget. Again in really looking after your wellbeing then you can place this relationship in a more balanced context the shift will happen I promise. He was or is a part of your life not your whole life. Hope this helps. You're not alone with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): I'm going through a break up too, after 6 years. I'm in my middle 20s, but feel like I should be settled down and married off by now, much like you. In my mind my ex was going to be my husband and father of my kids, and now he's not it's very difficult. Very similar to how you thought you're relationship would last forever. I think it's the pressure of how 'normal' life is supposed to go. I'm beginning to realise that everyone's life is different, and we all end up on different paths.Just because it's 'normal' for people your age to be settled and 'happy' doesn't mean you won't be. You've still got plenty of time to find someone who makes you happy. You should be SO proud of yourself for realising he wasn't making you happy anymore and getting out of that situation. It takes real balls to do that! If I were you, I'd go on holiday, have my hair done, buy new clothes and spend time and money on yourself. It'll make you feel better!You WILL be happy again one day.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Don't put yourself up on the shelf yet. You are as young as you feel, you need to move forward and get on with your life. Spend time with friends, do things you love, treat yourself to a nice new outfit, eat good food and keep healthy, it will make a difference in the end.
I am sorry this relationship did not work out, but it was obviously not meant to be. I have met women older than you meeting a man and settling down so don't think the worst.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Here's the key to your submittal: "..My confidence and self esteem have gradually eroded, and now although I did finally have the courage to say 'enough', and end it, I feel old and worthless. I am 47, and I feel absolutely bleak about my future.... "
Spend a lot of time thinking about the first part of this (all before "end it") .... and cast from your thoughts THE REST of it.....
Good luck... you're young and probably have a rosey future....
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