A
female
age
41-50,
*imbymoo
writes:okay here the deal.my husband and i have been having problems for the last six months. just the other night we got into a heated argument to the point it almost got physical luckily he didnt actually hit me. I kicked him out the next evening saying i cant do it any more. meanwhile now he wants to try to work things out he says he'll do counselling and anger management classes. we have a 21 month old son and 2 1/2 month twin girls. now i dont plan on going back to him cause i dont need to live in fear that the next argument will get physical and i will get hit or worse one of the kids. we almost divorced 2 years ago and he said he would get help then but never followed thru. why does he think this time will be different.
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female
reader, Kristena +, writes (28 November 2009):
Don't agree to work things out until he actually starts getting help. Once you see he is making the effort agree to work things out if that's what you still want at that point. There are alot of classes and programs out there that are free or almost free. Tell him you don't believe his words anymore and you want to see him actually "walk the walk not just talk the talk". But, you can't drag this on and have this in your childrens life. Either he gets help or he doesn't..Not 6 months from now...NOW!!
A
female
reader, angelgal077 +, writes (28 November 2009):
I would tell him he can't come back until after he gets some help. That way you and your children are safe while he figures himself out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): ...need more infos...
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Do you want to work things out with him?
Maybe you can suggest to him that he can move back in only if and when he STARTS counselling. Counselling with you and counselling on his own, b/c obviously he has some issues to deal with.
He won't be willing to do it though unless he sees that you are actually willing to make an effort if he makes an effort. You both have to be in it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): I am not sure I understand you. You fear he will hit you or one of the kids but you have been married now for over 2 years and he has never hit you or your kids?Living in fear is one thing but actually deciding to leave someone for fearing something that has not happened yet is another.All I can tell you is that you both are still quite young and you have a lot of stress on you just having infant twins under the age of three (my sister has a set of twins and I know how hard that can be and how rewarding) plus another toddler to care for can be down right exhausting.Do you have help with the twins? Any family or help during the day to give you both a break, even time for a nap on occassion? If not, you really need to look into it as you don't have to feel that you need to do this all on your own...even a housekeeper to unburden some of your daily responsibilities can help you.I think your husband wants to go to counseling and take anger management classes which is a good sign, and he thinks this time it will be different because he sounds willing to follow through.Because you have kids involved I really think you owe it to those little lives to do the work of trying to repair your marriage. It is never a good time to decide whether or not to leave a marriage when you are emotional and upset. If after going to counseling and doing the work you still find nothing has changed for the better and you can rationally say you and the kids are better off on your own, then and only then should you decide to end your marriage.It doesn't sound to me like you are in any imminent danger, but you are at the brink....just stop and walk away and cool off if you find you get over heated like this, I think there is hope here and I urge you to follow your husband's advice to go and get some help for this.You on the other hand owe it to yourselves to get some help for you and your babies....so look for help out there and enlist it from others, don't be afraid to ask for help to care for your infants, every one will understand once they take on the task of taking care of two babies and one toddler all at once! It is one of the hardest jobs there is, so give yourself a pat on the back!
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