A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't even know where to begin but here i go i have a wonderful amazing boyfriend that i have been with for seven months now. He loves and tells me he loves me, we have a big age difference i am eighteen and he's thirty three yeah i know right. So the problem is the EX girlfriend they were together for about ten years and they still keep in touch because they are still friends and it bothers me and he tells me i shouldn't worry about it and he doesn't want to get back with her and he say's he would stay faithful and loyal to me and then tells he say she changed me and made me better and help him and his views on how he should treat woman and he tells me i should me thankful that he's not like that anymore because of her he changed and blah blah i really don't want her in our life i don't know what to think it's really irritating me what should i do i really need some help ladies and gentle men i would really appreciate your opinionsSandra
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): I being a male and being friends with most of my ex-girlfriends would tell my current GF to get over it. If I wanted them why would I be with you. Also, if i wanted to be with an Ex i wuold not have been single for a number of years. I love my Ex's I am just not in a loving relationship with them. A girl controling my relationships with Ex's would end our relationship. I do however have rules of respect in place.1. Drive yourself (Always have a way out)2. Always a public place (never one on one in private)3. NEVER AT HER PLACE OR MY PLACETrust your partnerHonor your partnerRespect your partnerCommunicate with your partnerNegotiate with your partnerAnd Compromise with your partnerDo all this and the world is yours!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Hi. Your age gap is irrelevant. There is an age gap between me and my partner. That didnt stop me thinking he was wonderful, falling in love with him and getting pregnant by him. And finding out a year later that he was a liar and his ex was still in his life because he was still in love with her and hoping for a 2nd chance!
If your partner thinks his ex is so great and wants her in his life, then the chances are that it was her idea to break up.
Find out all you can about this woman. Meet her, talk to her, see how you feel about things. Watch how often he contacts her. Does he see her in person or is it contact via emails, webcam and phone? Do you get invited to join them if they meet up? Is contact a little or lot? Ask to see the texts/emails they share. If theyre `just friends` and theres nothing going on, why should he mind? And if you still have a bad feeling about them, listen to your inner voice. Its usually right. Ask him to stop contact. If he wont then insist that he does. If that fails and he refuses to give her up then leave him and save yourself a world of pain. They had 10 years together. Its time they moved on from each other and broke the ties. You should come before her. If he wont give her up to make you feel secure and happy then you arent his first consideration, so head for the hills before any damage is done. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 My ex's new girlfriend didn't want me in his life, she felt like you do, even though there was no chance of him ever getting back with me. Out of respect for her, I did what she wanted and cut contact with him and walked away from our long friendship...
Her mistake, he dropped her six months later, after they had been together for two years. Pity I wasn't arround to sell all her good qualities to him, and to encourage him to treat her nicely and build a new life together. I've known him since my teens, I know how he thinks, and she didn't realise I was also on her side and trying to be a friend.
Jealousy in a woman is never nice, and possesiveness is worse. But if it's how you feel, then tell him, he might get rid of her, but the price you pay may be very, very high. Some women just can't deal with ex's, explain to him, and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, mtv.1985  +, writes (28 November 2009):
unless he gives you a reason to make you suspicious, let him see his ex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm stubborn and i wanna work things out with him he tells me he wouldn't go back with her because they had so many disagreements and they grew apart. Btw we have talked about marriage and kids and it's fine with me i'm almost done with my studies (beauty school) and i'm not worried about partying and stuff like that i've been doing since i was eleven i just want things to go the right way with us
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): You shouldn't force the ex out of his life, sometimes thats just the way things go, she would of been a massive part of his life and its a nice quality in him that he can remain on good terms. But perhaps you should consider the terms they split-was it his idea? if not then maybe he does hold out a hope he could be back with her. At his age he will potentially be ready to settle down, you're young and should enjoy going out with people nearer your own age. He may also be ready for children, and at 18 you should be going out and enjoying yourself, not getting worried about relationships. I hope you find an answer you feel will help.
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