A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi need help,Been with my girlfriend for five months, everything is going well and we are very happy together. Some problem has surfaced, my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 28. She is starting to organize nights out with her girlfriends implying she will be going out all night/ dance clubs and night clubs etc.Now I dont want to control her but I am past that stage and I do not want to commit or marry someone who is still in that stage of her life. I dont want that, I dont want my gf spending all night in clubs, i dont do it to her.Do i just break up with her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2020): Hi
Have you considered going out with her or going out with the boy's and all meet up later, these days are great fun or all going off on holidays together after the pandemic.
You are young and surely can't expect both of you to stay in all nights watching the box.
Relax and try to loosen up, if not time to date a woman who wants the same as you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2020): I like to ask a question if I may.. how many nights out is she asking for or suggesting .. once a week .. a fortnight .. month .. as to be honest even while married I still go out clubbing once a month with my friends and some work friends because I love dancing .. I love having a giggle but that didn't mean I wasn't faithful or that my intentions while out were to pursue something else .
If this is a friends catch up and night out once a fortnight I would ask what your issue is .. just because your not going out with friends .. your not engaged nor are you married and even then why cant she go out now and then with friends dancing etc as long as she knows who she with and she comes home to you .. without leaving any doubts in your mind who she with .. then I see no problem ..
Have a little think about it . If you can easily throw a relationship away for the fact she wishes a night out with friends .. then your not ready for any relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2020): You met at different stages in your life. You want to settle-down, and she's a young free-spirited party-girl. Who are you to clip her wings and decide when it's time for her to settle-down? You're just dating. You're not engaged!
Never commit yourself to anyone with the intent to do a makeover or customize them to suit your desired criteria. If you've matured, and you're ready for something serious; then you should keep looking until you find someone on the same-page.
The objective is to find someone factory-equipped with all the attributes and the personality that you're looking for. Don't commit, until you're certain that is the case.
You're not her father! If you're the controlling-type; you're toxic to a free-spirited extroverted-person like you've described her to be. If you're not happy about her partying, you know your options.
You've only been dating five-months; and you're starting to see red-flags and a differences in values. You have no right to tell her what to do. If she's hanging-out too much for your taste; then make the decision whether she's the right lady for you.
She's not obliged to change her lifestyle and habits for you; and you're only dating. It's different if she voluntarily decided that's what she wants to do for your sake. Not conform according to your rules and expectations. You can inform her that you were looking for a more serious relationship with her, with less partying and hanging-out. If she doesn't wish to give-up hanging-out with her friends; you can see your way out. If you're living together already, obviously it's way too soon.
It's also premature be considering marriage with a lady you've only known for such a short period of time. If you're looking for wifey-material, obviously she's not the right woman!
When you find yourself judging the person you're dating in a negative-light. That's a sign that you're incompatible.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 November 2020):
 You two are at very different stages of your lives. She wants to go out and party, you want to stay at home and (I assume) have a relationship where you do things together.
Do you two share time together and do things you both enjoy? If so, then perhaps this is a problem to you because you are possessive or have no friends outside of the relationship? Even married couples have interests of their own and don't need to do everything together.
Is the problem that you don't trust her to "behave" herself while she is out with her friends? If so, then you should definitely end this relationship because your worry will eat away at you and you will never have peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 November 2020):
 Yep, to Code Warrior.
You are looking for a reason to bounce. She is 24 and still into partying with friends, you are 28 and ready to settle down.
So the two of you are on different pages and steps in your lives.
I also think it's a little unreasonable for you to want to dictate what she does in her free time. Just because YOU have "outgrown" partying, doesn't mean she has to too.
Wanting a partner to CHANGE for you is rarely a good thing. Because it means you aren't really wanting THEM, you want THEM to fit into YOUR idea of what a GF should be.
Maybe you need to rethink if she is a good fit for you overall.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 November 2020):
 I think that it all boils down to trust really. If you can trust her staying out all night partying the night away and are willing to wait for her then do so. I do however think this is quite a big ask.I think if your going to have trust issues, be sitting at home torturing yourself with what she is up to, then I would say its probably best to end things. Although there is only a 4 year age gap between the pair of you, you are both a million miles away in terms of what you both want. She wants the party life until she is ready to stop, and you want a normal relationship. Did she not do the whole party thing in he late teens, very early 20's?.I don't know how old her friends are, but if they are coming up 25 like she is they probably they will be thinking about settling down soon. I think maybe its best to finish with her, let her do what she has got to do, and see what happens a bit further down the line.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 November 2020):
It seems that you are both at different stages of your lives, and wanting different things. You have done all the partying scene, while it seems that she is still very much into it. I guess it boils down to trust really, if you trust her, and are happy to wait for her to live the life she wants then do so. If on the other hand, you are going to have trust issues, be sitting at home worried while she is out wondering what she is doing, then its probably best you split up. It all depends on you and how you feel about it. But it seems at the moment she is opting for the party life over the relationship life. Although, I don't know how old her friends are, but if they are coming up 25 like she is most of them would have lived the party life style in their late teens, and would most likely be looking to settle down soon.
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