A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey aunts and uncles,for my question the boy is called A and his girlfriend is called B just so things don't get confusing.3years ago i had an amazing relationship with A for 13months and then i started to have feelings for someone else so we broke up as i felt like i was being unfair to him. we were then very very close for a year. Then he got with B, who is a very horrible abusive person which he later realised. B caused me and A to not talk for 11 months but then we started talking again about 2 months ago and he broke up with her 3 days after we started talking again.Now, we both have admitted to having the same feelings for each other that we did 3 years ago. we are seeing each other now and have been for 2 months but my question is:he doesn't know what is putting him off, but i can't help but wondering if it is something because of his ex? or he's worried he'll lose me to someone else again?what do you all think? sorry for the long question.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the answers but i didn't break up with A for someone else, i was going through the death of my grandma and auntie and i felt like A felt he had to deal with me being so miserable.
And i had feelings for someone but i didn't break up with A for him.
And where he was also so busy, it was putting a strain on the relationship which could also have contributed to me being miserable.
and no, i would not just leave him for whenever i got 'horny' for someone else.
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 How do you expect him to be anything but cautious? you bounced on him for another dude, do you expect him to just act like nothing ever happened? and act like all is well? im sure you would like that, and probably expect he do just that, but once you've been shit on by a girl, especially if it's getting dumped for someone else, it fucks you up, you feel you are not good enough for the girl, even worse, you feel the person she dumps you for is better then you, it is a great weight on your heart and on your confidence, and if you do not have the highest of self esteems, it can take sometimes years to truly get over it, i imagine some guys might not fully ever get over it, so I guess the question is, do you just want him now, until the next strapping young lad passes into your life? or is he who you want to be with and you've realized it by making the mistakes you've mad? if I were his friend and he was talking to me about this, id tell him to tell you to go f ck yourself, and never talk to you again, if it were me telling you what to do, Id tell you if you are honest about this, and you do truly want to be with him, and stay with him, you must pursue him, talk to him, sincerely, tell him, and better yet show him, that he is the one, he is who you want to be with, without question, he is good enough for you, and there is no possible chance of you pulling the same immature bullshit you did the first time, if you can't do that, then leave him alone, and move on with life, cause im pretty sure there will be NO!! 3rd chances with him.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 January 2012):
Hi there. What you said here is pretty much on the money.
It seems fairly clear that he probably is having some doubts about you and thinking back to what happened before.
He doesn't want to give his heart to you once again, only to find that you see someone else you would like to get involved with, and then call it quits - again - with him, like you did before.
It is possible, isn't it?
You can't really blame him for feeling that way. It's quite understandable.
And it really depends on how you feel about getting into a serious relationship with him again.
Are you ready for a commitment this time?
It's quite possible that when you were with him before, that you weren't really ready to commit to him.
Or at least back then, you weren't ready to settle with just one guy, and preferred to go out with a few different guys and without commitment to any of them.
Do you think there is a possibility now, that history could repeat itself?
It's more likely that it could be you who is not sure whether to commit to one man.
His reaction now, is a consequence of you leaving him for another man, back then.
There are two questions you will have to ask yourself before you decide - "Am I really ready for a relationship of any kind at the moment?"
And - "Am I ready to commit to any man right now?"
If you can answer those questions - honestly - then you can move forward from there.
Before making any kind of decision though, you first have to be very clear on what you want, and you need to be completely honest with yourself when you do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): You will break his heart again next time you get horny for someone else. Leave him alone so that he can move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Its quite possible the trust is shaky due to past behaviour on your part. I would just ask him outright about it all. Better to address it as keeping things bottled up or 'secret' don't promote constructive communication.
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