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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, When I have a grievance against something my boyfriend has done or said, he'll say 'you could have it worse, you know. You could be with someone that lies to you and cheats on you.' He'll say that to just about anything I complain about. I'm not just picking random insignificant things either. It's when he's disrespectful to me, or he gets home later than he said. I guess I was just hoping for some insight. Why do you think somebody would say those things?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Dearie, i think he says that to get u to excuse his behaviour. If u arent happy with what he does then u do have the right to tell him. He should know that all the things he mentioned are not the only to cause the failure of a relationship.
Maybe u should have a chat with him regarding this and tell him that people try to understand themselves in a relationship and do things to suite their partners needs. That is alot of people spend time getting to know each other
All the best dearie.
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male
reader, smartoldman +, writes (28 December 2005):
why in the world would you stand for his treatment. sounds like he is the one who should be grateful that you are with him. move on.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
I think that his over reaction to the situation by making out like its not a big deeal, is a sign that hes hiding something.
Hes trying to make excuses for his actions, and they shouldn't be accepted. He doens't repsect you, yet tires to make out that he does as he 'doesn't cheat or like ot you', but what he is doing is still not right. Its hurting you and you shoudlnt put up with it. Tell him either he gets his act together or you leave, and if he tries to say 'you could have it worse' ignore that lame attemtp to stick up for himself and walk away, its not worth it. He knows what he is donig is wrong, but tries to take away all the attention from that to smething that 'could be worse', mind you waht he is doing is pretty bad!
The reason why hes doing that? its probably not about you, as having no respect for someone is not the perosn fault. Eveeryone deserves it. He either likes to control people and have power over people and he is trying to do that with you, or has osme other issues going on, like built up anger and is taking it out on you.
Whether it be that hes going through a rough time and is taking it out on you, don't feel sorry for him because he needs to learn to deal with it otherwise. If that is waht is happening, I think you should leave him, atleast till he gets his act together.
You deserve sooo much more! And believe it or not but there ARE guys out there who will make you feel sooo much better. Guys that you will love, who love you back. Guys who will treat you wit hrespect and who you can trust and havign a loving realtionship for. That is why you shoudlnt put up with what you have right now, when you could do so much better. But do him a favor and let him know why you might be leaving him, so perhaps, he will have a hcance to change himself and find happines with someone else eventualyl, as we all need it dont we.
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (27 December 2005):
my partner has done that to me. he goes out almost every night and if i complain he tells me he could be worse and tells me about people who are worse. men tend to think they should be able to do exactly as they please and forget about their partners feelings. if he keeps saying just tell him that you accept that he couyld be worse but remind him that he could be a lot better. you don't need to know his every move but it is a matter of respect. he should not be disrespectful to you and if he says he'll be home at a certain time he should stick to it. he might think it's a matter of control but it's not. it's a matter of respect. tell him that you don't mind him going out but if he has any respect for you then he needs to get back when he says he will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): He is probably saying that just so you will get off his back. I will tell you that my ex-husband did that for years. He would always say, "At least Im not cheating on you". (which he ended up doing a few years later). But, my reason in telling you this is that there is no excuse for him to treat you badly. There are plenty of things a guy can do wrong besides lie or cheat. Stand up for yourself or move on.
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