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female
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anonymous
writes: HelloThere is this guy I know and I am beginning to really like him. We talk all the time and he's intelligent, funny and has shown interest in me. He has even made hints that he would want to go out with me. Well, here is the problem. The other day we were talking when he started making comments about racism. They completely shocked me! I come to find out he is a very racist person and even said he called himself a racist. Now I dont know what to do. I am not racist at all and have many friends of all nationalities. I do like him as a person but I dont know if I could ever get over that. What should I do? Should ignore the racist stuff although I disagree with it or should I just speak my mind and risk losing him? Thanks for reading Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 It's not easy being in that situation,
Racists lack character, unless they have directly been hurt by another race and has been given reason to be resentful, but then they need to be educated and councelled that it's not the entire enthnic group that has caused harm.
However if he is willing to work out the differences in opinion then maybe he isn't that much of a lost cause.
You both need to respect each others beliefs and if you can do that then there may be hope.
I'm a coloured girl that has been told i will never be able to reach a white girls level, i got told that everyday at school, but most of my friends are white and the majority guys I've dated are white. All i did was tell myself that what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.
And if you are prepared to try and educate him, and love him unconditionally then you go for it.
But the Minute he disrespects you for your beliefs then kick him to the Curb!
A
female
reader, Hugglebuddy +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Well i completely understand where you are coming from but if he does generally like you and is a nice person he will respect what you have to say. Just tell him look i really like you, and i respect that everyone has their own opinion but so do i and if your racist it is up to you but i would prefer if you didn't express that around me. I know it seems extremes but you should honistly let him know and if he carrys on or just laughs at what you have to say he obviously doesn't deserve you or respect you, all the best and good luck :)x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005):
Often times people are called racist because they dont fall into lockstep with the Politically Correct order of the day. I know people who have mocked this by refering to themselves as racist because they wanted to sneak out of my company's mandatory (and dreary) diversity training.
Or did he refer to the French rioters by their ethnic backgrounds instead of the whitewash term 'youths'?
Was he using the term in this way- ie non-PC?
On the other hand, if he thinks that everyone in a enthnic group is inferior, that indicates a character flaw that you may want to consider. Not that he couldn't change in the future, or that this could be your project to educate him- but just so you know he may be a little off going in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): i guess you have to ask yourslef what is more important to you: your beliefs about equality and treating others of all nationalities with the respect they deserve...or some guy. sounds like this guys isn't as intelligent as you cracked him up to be if he can't even see that racism is inappropriate and unacceptable. don't deny what you believe in for some guy. you would only be denying your beliefs about racism by ignoring this guy's racist views.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (27 December 2005):
 Dear, I havent actually met anyone that would openly acknowledge the fact that they are racist. In school i know a couple of people who make such remarks to other kids and that's the best i have experienced and i do stay away from such. I have friends of many nationalities myself and like their individual identity and respect them for who they are.
I feel racist are those that are ignorant and unwilling to accept people for who they are.we are all born by chance and we dont choose our colour or nationalities, and even sometimes our religions becomes thrust upon us by family since this follows us from our childhood. They are bad people everywhere so as the good ones be it black, asians, white, e.t.c. Everyone deseres respect.
My own advise would be to educate him. talk to him and let him know u dont appreciate the fact that he is a racist.This isnt a good quality anyone should posses. we hear on the news when innocent people are attacked and killed by acclaimed racist because of their colour.
See if u can get him to change his mind if he doesnt then move on. you too are obviously opposite and dont have the smae beliefs. look for someone who would appreciate and respect others just the same way he would want others to respect him.
Goodluck
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