A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hopefully someone can help me find the answers on this one. Why would a man persistently tell you he wants to settle down and marry you every time you speak to him, but then make no effort to contact you . When I have asked him is this what you want as im ok and will accept it if you dont, and i will move on, he say yes I want this I want to come and see you (he lives 1hour away ) Im busy with work but im planning on spending a couple of weeks with you soon. That was Monday then he has not contacted me since its Friday now. I went on msn and messaged him today , no response. He has consistently said this to me since march that he wants to settle down withme and get married only a week ago he said lets get it sorted. I asked him after he had again not contacted me for a week, I said im an intelligent woman, and I can let anyone go free if they dont want something no tears or pressure. If the distance/your job is making it too hard let me know and i will leave ou in peace. He then rings says I do want you and this, but then another week goes by and I dont hear from him. Maybe men can help answer this one. why does he just not say I have no time for you in my life, or I dont want this. Ive made it so easy for him. I realise if a man is really keen he willalways find a way to contact me. I just dont get what he gains from telling me its what he wants, then his actions say the opposite. You may say just forget him, yes that prob right, but in the meantime someone enlighten me as why he does not just end it, then he knows i will leave him alone. I know he is really busy with work, and he could do without me hassling him, so surely to tell me its over would be the easiest thing to do. I know its hard for some men to be honest but we have known each other since march and he knows me well enough to know I will be fine with that. Help ????
View related questions:
move on, msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Wow, I think this article would be of great help to you :
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article_test.php?artID=157&page=0
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Dear poster, I can relate to your situation. I came to this site to understand what had gone wrong with a girl I met. This girl was not speaking the way I needed her to speak if I was to understand her correctly.
I don't know why this guy is doing that. My "I don't know" means "I can't figure out why he does it" and, also, "I wonder why he won't just let you go". When a person gives such mixed messages, however, you need to prepare for the worst. People who want to marry you are never like this. Oldersister is so right when she says "whenever there is this much variance in a man's words and his actions, don't trust the words, okay?"
I don't think he really wants to marry you. I can't really know why he will act in this stupid manner. Sometimes people do it because they want to use you, or because they are cowardly and don't want to just tell the truth.
You don't deserve this. I know it will hurt like hell, but, don't call him anymore. Let him come to you. If he does, ask him why he plays with your feelings like this. He should give you an answer then. If you don't like the answer, or if it just gives him more time, leave him.
Yes, maybe there's another person.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiononly update I can give on this is that I definatley know he is not in a relationship or married Im best friends with his cousin.
Also I went to stay with him and he took me to his local where i met all his friends and I was introduced as his girlfriend and was made to feel part of his life also, when there work were ringing all the time and i even went to him to his work, and introduced to the work colleagues.
But yes I agree I am probablly an insurance policy that he does not want to let go of, so when life is quieter for him he can decide if he can pick me up again.
So yes you are all right, time to seek another I feel one that does the actions not just the words.
Still would not mind some guys opions on this one though as they often see it in a very different way to us girlies .
But thankyou all for your input xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Vow, I do feel for you; I have great empathy with your situation; I don't want to say much; maybe the "uncles" have better advice; I merely want to say: RUN!
This guy is a COWARD; he is playing with your emotions; he does not have the guts to end the relationship; he is in my opinion playing a double game; there is more then likely another girl or even more that he is doing the same to; JUS QUIT this guy; He is not HONEST with you;
MARRIAGE....have you recieved an engagement ring; have you got a date from him; okay you want to have some FUN; tell him you have decided on a wedding date; you are going to have the invites printed and posted; it will also be in all the newspapers in the personal column; ask him for a list of people from his work, family and friends that you need to invite; YOU want to SEE this guy DISSAPPEAR or Asking stop, stop! Trust me...this old trick won't let you down; you will get the reality; BUT then I think you have the answer already;
Good luck; YOu deserve the best; he is not giving it to you: honestly....think about you and your future!
Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Khandi  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I agree with the oldersister, i wonder if he is maried or in a relationship already with someone else unknown to you, dont be fooled people who want to cheat can find a way to cheat and get away with it!! just the fact that you have asked what to do shows that you have some doubts about weither oyu should stay in this relationship or not, I my self would say NOT, i dont think he is as into you as you may think (sorry if that sounds harsh)an hour is not too far to travel to see someone you want to marry!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Hmmmm.... "Maybe men can help answer this one. why does he just not say I have no time for you in my life, or I dont want this. Ive made it so easy for him. I realise if a man is really keen he willalways find a way to contact me. I just dont get what he gains from telling me its what he wants, then his actions say the opposite."
Well I'm a woman, but I'll try and give you an answer. You are Plan B, the Safety Net, the Backup Plan. He's keeping you dangling in case whatever he is up to now doesn't work out, because hey! He'll still have good old faithful you to pass the time!
No one should ever settle for being Plan B, whether they are male or female. Time to go, hun, time to go, and free yourself up to meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
...............................
|
