A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone tell me why a man would rather masturbate than be with a woman? I'm attractive, I'm maybe 10 pounds over weight which I don't think is a big deal...I go up and down 10 to 15 pounds every year, in summer the weight comes off. It's not as though he has a perfect body anyway! He turned me down for sex and 20 minutes later when I went in the bathroom I evidently surprised us both, but there he was in the shower doing his thing. So I asked him about it...because I really don't have a problem with him masturbating, I told him it kinda turned me on, why was it secret? why couldn't he do this in front of me? was there a reason he wasn't wanting to be with me? so on type of questions....but by his reaction...it seemed he didn't like me knowing or something. He said I'm uncomfortable discussing this with you or anyone else. End of discussion. We have had sex since that happened but it is becoming less frequent and he spends a lot of time in the shower. He doesn't even have any porn he is looking at in there or anything ...he just goes in there and jacks more than he wants to be with me . I'm very confused. any idea whats going on here?
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female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina +, writes (7 June 2011):
 This may sound lame and please don't get upset but has he been talking to anyone else lately? The only reason I'm asking is cause he is frequently jerking off without porn and is doing it in the shower while using his imagination over and over again. Kinda makes you wonder who he is thinking about?? Everybody is different tho. He may not be a porn guy.
Anyways, once a man is used to jerking off with his hand over and over his penis will become desensitized from squeezing so hard and will be used to the tightness of his hand. Does it take a long time for him to cum when you have sex? If yes, then it's just easier for him to get off by himself, which of course is pure selfish. Especially if your in ear shot range and are willing to get it on!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Could be all sorts of reasons but the most simple part might be that jacking off is not the same as sex. Like fast food versus a cooked meal, when we eat a burger we don't choose it over a cooked meal, we just are in the mood for a burger.
And like a burger, masturbation is easy. You don't need a fully erect penis for that, no need to wait till she is ready, no foreplay, no judgement, no extra pounds.
He might be having issues, worries, about performance but also about the reality of both of you getting older and not being super-fit anymore. Not many women after all would casually talk about gaining 10-15 pounds. Younger, fitter woman and some men have been known to go insane of a single gained pound.
Maybe you are comfortable with where you are in live but is he? Men by the way should NEVER be confronted about anything. Face to face is not the way to talk to a man, do it from the side. Face to face is hostile, side to side is a buddy. It is a basic thing thought now to teachers, more and female teachers trying to talk face to face with boys and it not working.
Remember that jacking off can be nothing more then a bodily function at times. Yes one that feels nice but so does eating a burger. Hungry, eat, get on with things. Erection, jack-off, get on with things.
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A
male
reader, Ambassadeur Koko  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 I do musturbate most of the time, only when a woman is not with me and I have no sex in a while. But with this situation, I don't understand why he does it when you are with him. He is obsessed with masturbation and you need to be closed to him and giving him the courage, assurance and confidence that he can be a real man in sex.
Masturbation is caused by imaginations and is made possible by imaginations, ask him what he imagines and how he imagine your sexual activities should be like? This way he can teach you how to turn him on and get interested in having sex with you rather the masturbation he like.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Hi again. I've been thinking about this, and actually, sometimes my bf does not want to have sex and I think sometimes he would rather masturbate and use porn! I have been reading on the internet that men get bored of having sex with the same woman after time, so it might be that? Have you been together a long time? Sorry if I'm being blunt, but honestly, I know that sometimes my bf is bored of shagging me and we have only been togther a couple of years!I dread to think what he'd be like after 10 or even more! What I am saying is that maybe it is normal? He's horny, at times, but he does not want to have sex with you. I dont know I could be wrong, i'm just trying to be a realist here. I'll be interested to see what feedback you get, particularly from guys. It does not help that he does not want to talk about it. Could you try again, but do make sure you dont be aggressive with your tone. You havnt said that you NEVER have sex anymore so that is a good sign. For some people, it tails off completely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): can i ask,how often do you have sex and how often does he masturbate,that you know of? I need this information to gage if its normal or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I'm sure this has nothing whatever to do with your weight.
If he's pushing 50 he may be having performance issues. Every guy has that happen once in a while, but if it becomes the norm rather than the exception it gets to be pretty devestating. If he's aware that his body is less-than-perfect on top of that, he might start avoiding you. Being self-conscious is a real intimacy killer.
If any of this rings true, all you can do is try to reassure him. Your doctor can probably give you a free sample of viagra for him to try. If you can enjoy non-penetrative things, let him know that he can satisfy you that way.
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